Burger Down Resurrected

For the first time in years, a burger down was held today at mickey dee's.

Although the competition was limited to a 1.39 menu instead of the famous .69 hamburger, the spirit of the burger down was alive.

I started with 6 bacon cheeseburgers and a large coke. By the end of the 5th, I was done and couldn't finish my coke. And since the only offer I had to combine the coke and burger and drink it was a schooner of beer, I decided it wasn't worth puking this afternoon at work.

So, the final results were:
Alex - 5 bacon cheeseburgers
Mike - 2 double cheeseburgers, 2 junior mcchickens
Brad, C-dog, KD - Disqualified for ordering fries

The real winner is the prevailing feeling of imminent explosion in my stomach that will likely happen in 8-10 hours.

At least I have Ardy to keep my vomitous feeling company:

Shell Shocked

This is easile the most graphic turtle humping I have ever seen. The dude makes some awesome "O" faces at the end.

con T.O. versy

I'm not one to judge, but T.O. is a nut case.

I figure it is all just a ruse in order to build up his stock for his autobiography.

But he wouldn't do something crazy like this just for money would he?



I love how TSN calls him flamboyant...

Flamboyant Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens denied a police report that he attempted suicide, saying he became groggy after mixing painkillers with supplements.

As if to prove he's doing fine, Owens went from the hospital to catching passes from quarterback Drew Bledsoe within two hours, then proclaimed himself "very capable of going out there and playing on Sunday" - despite whatever happened Tuesday night and a broken right hand.

Owens said Wednesday the confusion likely stemmed from an empty bottle of pain medication found by his publicist, who was with him at the time and called 911. He said the rest of the pills were in a drawer.

"I was non-responsive when she made that call," Owens said. "She made the call out of her judgment for my well-being."

Oilers Roll Along

5-1 in preseason, baby!

Ovechkin Fights Mike Richards

I caught this on the highlights the other night and loaded it onto youtube

Ronaldinho Compilation

Get you daily footy fix


Ronaldinho The Movie - video powered by Metacafe

Just For Laughs Prank

This must really trip out all the stoners who are there to satisfy their munchies.


Freeze In Place - Prank - video powered by Metacafe

C-Dog's Top Seven Things He Wants Brad To Know

Soon to be appearing as a top 10, here is Kevin's rant on life.

1. You are a little bitter about how phenomenally better I am then you. Dude you really need to get laid in a weird position soon so that you can live life like I do without hostility for other people.
   
2. Second of all I am not using a slogan in the middle of my name I am using it after my god appointed nickname i.e: Coulman "????????"
   See there is nothing at the end of it so there for I am still remaining original from the sports hero's and lawyers.
3. Third of all what the hell do you know about sports??? You don't even know what team Louis Saha, Rodolfo or Alan Hutton play for and you play the fucken sport.
4. Fourth of all I hate you!!!!!
5. Fifth of all telling someone to go jump of something high was so last year. Its stabbing yourself with something that's in i.e: Why don't you stab yourself with a pitchfork in the eye in front of a bunch of kindergarten kids.
6. Sixth of all gayerific is not a word!
   
7. Seventh of all you should go to your fuckin buddhist/Jewish/gayerific wedding we don't want you there anyway!

Well done Sir, I say Well done.

And may I say, I am a big Rodolfo fan, huge in fact.

That's It Blair, Back To Loserpeg

After worrying about getting razzed by Blair all night last night and this morning, I finally re-checked the fantasy football pool in which we were competing against each other this week.

I had picked a plethora of Falcons, as you can see below, expecting them to blow away the Saints. Instead, I'm pretty sure someone on Atlanta's sideline or pressbox was relaying the offensive plays to the New Orleans defensive coordinators. Every pass Vick attempted was covered perfectly by the Saints.

So I sat there last night, cursing at the game, as I watched myself fall 2 points short of beating Blair... or so I thought.

There must have been a stats correction somewhere and I won by 0.4 points, BABY!

Soccer Ineptitudes pt. 2

Last time it was defensive blunders, this time it's offensive.. kerplunders(?)

Great clip of Lars Hirshfeld (Canadian National Goalie) embedded in middle of clip

Letterman On Evil Crazy Bitches

Bill Clinton Rips Fox News Idiot

What The Hell Happened To Freeney?

Check out NFL.com's injury list...

IND

QUESTIONABLE

MLB Gary Brackett (Calf) RB Ran Carthon (Finger) T Ryan Diem (Hand) RB De De Dorsey (Ankle) DE Dwight Freeney (Buttock) OLB Gilbert Gardner (Hand) CB Nicholas Harper (Ankle) TE Ben Hartsock (Hamstring) CB Kelvin Hayden (Groin) OLB Freddie Keiaho (Knee) DE Ryan LaCasse (Foot) G Ryan Lilja (Knee) DT Montae Reagor (Knee) DT Darrell Reid (Elbow) FS Bob Sanders (Shoulder) DT Corey Simon (Knee) QB Jim Sorgi (Shoulder) WR Brandon Stokley (Ankle) DE Josh Thomas (Hip) FB Ben Utecht (Concussion) K Adam Vinatieri (Right Groin)

Domi Needs An Enforcer For His Dick

From Sportsnet...

Liberal MP Belinda Stronach has been named as the other woman in the divorce application filed by the wife of former Maple Leaf Tie Domi.

As reported in the Globe and Mail, Leanne Domi says in the application that she believes Domi and Stronach have been involved in an "intimate sexual relationship'' since he "began working with her on her political campaign in January 2006.''

How much do you want to bet you don't see this story on TSN?

Rocket To The Groin

I'm pretty sure my day is going to consist of watching this over and over and take a break and then watching it over again.

Bummed Out

From Brad...

I could just picture sitting in a meeting, when suddenly a reverse volcano of poo would shoot out of my ass, lifting me off my seat, with geysers of hot poo streaming from my trouser legs. I would be thrust around the conference room, like the jetpack guy at the Olympics, leaving a sad brown trail across the faces of my co-workers.


Updated: Prank call to J&J

Playstation 3 Price Drop In Japan

From CNN...

TOKYO, Japan (AP) -- Sony Corp. said Friday it will slash the price of its much-anticipated PlayStation 3 video game console in Japan by 20 percent, heating up the competition in the next-generation gaming war against rivals Microsoft and Nintendo.

The announcement comes just days after Microsoft Corp. announced that it would roll out an external high definition DVD player for its Xbox 360 in an effort to match the PlayStation 3, due to be released in November with its own Blu-ray DVD technology.

Sony Computer Entertainment President Ken Kutaragi, speaking at the Tokyo Game Show in Makuhari, just east of Tokyo, said the move was in response to consumer complaints the upcoming console was too pricey.

Sony will cut the price of its basic PlayStation 3 model in Japan to 47,600 yen (US$410; euro322), from an originally planned 59,800 yen (US$515; euro404.52). That puts the PlayStation 3 in the same range as the combined basic Xbox 360 and HD DVD player in Japan, where the duo will sell for 49,600 yen (US$427; euro335.40).

The decision could give Sony a badly needed boost at a time of embarrassing delays for the highly anticipated upgrade. Rival Nintendo Co. is also scheduled to release its next-generation Wii gaming system by year's end, while Xbox 360 has been selling in Japan since December 2005.

PlayStation 3, initially planned for earlier this year, has been postponed twice. Sony now expects to ship only 2 million units by year's end instead of an original projection of 4 million.

In Japan, it will hit stores on November 11. Sony spokeswoman Nanako Kato said there were no plans to lower prices in other markets.

The game will go on sale in the United States on November 17 at US$499 for a 20 gigabyte hard drive version and at US$599 for the 60 gigabyte version. In Europe, they will be priced at euro499 and euro599 respectively, but they won't go on sale until March, four months later than planned.

The price cut affects the basic PlayStation 3 model, which comes with a 20 gigabyte hard drive. Another upscale version of the PlayStation 3 will have a 60 gigabyte hard drive, but Sony is leaving its pricing to retailers.

Mitch Hedberg

If you don't find this funny then you... probably aren't laughing

Comedy Central:


Congress Theather Chicago:

The Jig Is Up

Ok, it's time to out yourself, phantom random text messager.

I keep getting cryptic text messages, several now involving lyrics from Tragically Hip songs. I know you thinkg you are clever, but I got a news flash for you Walter Cronkite... You aren't.

Pronger, Pt. 2

I just realized another issue about the Pronger trade that has (as far as I know) been overlooked.

Kevin Lowe not only traded Pronger to a team that was no closer to his wife's home of St. Louis, but he traded him to a team who stars Pronger's worst enemy: Teemu Selanne.

Brilliant.

Poolies Beware

Not that Malkin's potential injury is serious, just that John LeClair can't skate or shoot, that's all.

Reason Pronger Left Edmonton Exposed!

Pierre LeBrun of The Score/CP said on To The Point yesterday afternoon that the Pronger situation has gotten out of hand largely due to the internet/blogosphere. He said that because there is so many people putting out rumours on blogs and websites, it is causing journalistic chaos in trying to disseminate true facts.

Well, I pondered this as I was listening and came to the realization that I had yet to post a rumour, check that, FACT as to why Pronger left Edmonton only 1 year into a 5 year contract. Ignore all that junk about him being a man-whore or his family finding it too tropical in Edmonton, here is the real reason:

Chris Pronger is clearly having Mike Comrie's love child. It's true. That's why he referenced him in his scathing haterview (or is that interhate?). What's worse, is that while Pronger was in Phoenix, he actually wanted to have Curtis Joseph's baby, but Cujo and Domi were still seeing each other, so Pronger made the mistake of sleeping with an exiled/refugee Oiler.

He needed to be traded so that he could get closer to Comrie and avoid the certain mid section butt ending he was likely to receive from his teammates in practice. Having another man's love child is one thing, but doing so with public enemy number one (other than Mike Modano, Todd Bertuzzi, Jerome Iginla, and Derian Hatcher), that spells trouble.

I hope this clears things up.

He's already putting on some baby weight

"I got my money back, hell yeah"

From CNN...

PALMETTO, Florida (AP) -- Mark Giorgio figured a 50-foot plunge was worth $20. Giorgio, 47, was counting his money and walking across the U.S. 41 bridge over the Manatee River Monday when a $20 bill blew out of his hand and flew over the rail.

He followed. And plummeted 50 feet into the river. Then he swam about 100 yards to fish the bill from the water.

"I got my money back, hell yeah," Giorgio told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "Twenty bucks is a lot of money when you're broke."

He was fished from the water by a passing Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer.

Giorgio, who said he was already suffering from a broken collarbone, refused treatment for cuts and scrapes he suffered in the fall.

John Hederson Will Eat Your Children's Children

"Oh... We're Live"

The suspense always kills me with these things, this one is a good one though.

Spooning Bears In The Bush

Just like Donny, he was out of his element:

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?
pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=
Article&cid=1158573307977&call_pageid=
991479973472&col=991929131147

Tough Question

From Sportsnet's Hockey Central...

Which player would you draft first overall in your pool?

Dany Heatley
Joe Thornton
Eric Staal
Jaromir Jagr
Alex Ovechkin
Sidney Crosby

Exposing A Diver: Robin van Persie

In this new Blog Featurette, I will expose past and current dives which will live on in infamy and forever disgrace the game that everyone in North America either loves to hate or hates to love (based on shit like this).

Here is Robin van Persie showing us how to fall over inanimate object after seeing the ball you played rolling helplessly out of touch...

Aces Low Poker

Lessons In The Adams Family

Yang,

Please take note...

Viagra?

I found this in Saturday's Star Phoenix.

Notice how the study of Decreased Sexual Desire asked only for Female Volunteers? Any female will do, really.

Own Goal Collection

I wish I could say I've done this before, because it looks like so much fun to do! Especially when little kids behind the net start laughing and taunting you to your face. Damn it's tough being perfect.

The H is O

For those present at Ace Low Poker Night, here is the product I said I would deliver.

White Out In The Broom Closet?

Greg, in light of all that's happened tonight, I want you to know that I really do hope you enjoy your corner office.

As a token of my sincerity, I will order you a gift:

Juggernaut, Bitch!

The Video of Jon Henderson below reminded me of the Juggernaut, Bitch! video which is now firmly engrained in my head.

Here it is...

I Wonder If His Middle Name Starts With E?

I have a new favorite football player of all time. I hope he makes it in the NFL bigtime!

I present...

Jamaica (maybe E.) Rector

Probably Not Enough Moustache Photos On This Blog

Jon Henderson Will Eat Most Of Your Children

Holy Shit! This Is Professional Sports?

Pizza fights don't exactly help prove the masculinity of the game of soccer.

From ESPN Soccernet...

Ashley Cole has hinted that Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas may have been at the centre of the so-called 'battle of the buffet' when slices of pizza were thrown at Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson.

Extracts from Cole's book, 'My Defence,' are being published in The Times this week and today Chelsea's new signing rakes over the embers of the infamous row between Arsenal and United players at Old Trafford two years ago.

He confirms the pizza was not thrown by an English or French player and writes: 'This slice of pizza came flying over my head and hit Fergie straight in the mush.

'The slap echoed down the tunnel and everything stopped - the fighting, the yelling, everything. All eyes turned and all mouths gawped to see this pizza slip off that famous puce face and roll down his nice black suit.

'I thought Ferguson was going to explode but then he stormed off into the dressing room cursing and grunting, brushing the crumbs and stains off his collar.

'We all went back into the dressing room and fell about laughing.'

He went on: 'All I can say is that the culprit wasn't English or French, so that should narrow it down.'

Cole added of the furore around the match: 'By the time we were walking down that extendable plastic tunnel everyone was having a go at each other.

'There were shouts of 'you f****** cheats' and players were running into a jostling huddle where the narrow tunnel opens into a wider mouth.

'I was jammed in the middle. I heard the boss [Arsene Wenger] hammering Ferguson; incandescent French, verbally sparring with the bullish Scotsman.'

Fun Ry-facts

Heather, my wife has a bad habit of looking drugged/drunk/outright ridiculous for pictures.

On an completely unrelated topic, here is a random photo I found of someone I know, whose identity is concealed in order to protect their privacy.

If He Plays 15 Years On The Island I Will Eat Human Feces

This is just stupid. Did they have children negotiating the contract?

From TSN.ca...

The New York Islanders will announce today that they have signed goalie Rick DiPietro to a 15-year, $67.5 million contract. The deal will pay DiPietro $4.5 million annually.

The deal is believed to be the second longest in NHL history, only topped by the 21-year deal Wayne Gretzky signed with the Edmonton Oilers in 1979. The longest deal in major North American pro sports is the $25-million, 25-year deal Magic Johnson signed with the NBA Lakers in 1981. The Islanders also signed Alexei Yashin to an $87.5 million, 10-year contract in 2001.

OK, But Where's The Middle West?

Drag the country names at the bottom to their location on the map

Zane Smith

Is it just me, or is this possibly Ryan Smyth's baseball equivalent. His golden locks and sheer masculinity almost make me want to shed my virginity all over again.



Thanks to Ryan for the porn... I mean cards

Who Wants More DeRo?

Pitch

Three Words: Five Thousand Dollars... Cash

Gator Sex

C-dog asked me to make a post about sex with aligators. So here goes:

From The Environmental Magazine...

Alligators with undersized testicles may seem like a problem only for other alligators, but scientists at the University of Florida (UF) argue that what happens to 'gators today may well happen to humans tomorrow. In fact, the alarming reproductive problems of Florida's alligators may be surfacing in largemouth bass, a sign of widespread lake pollution.

Now, I didn't expect my research to take me in this non-freaky-deaky-backroom-gator- humping direction, but it did. And this should serve as two warnings for all men. Number one, make sure you only mate with other men that have large testicles in order to increase the chances of your offspring's chances of having large testicles. And number two, invest in testicular implants.

And from insultmonger.com:

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A man timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

That's as close as my research came.

What does it Take?

I just got home from Maguires. Brad dropped me off where I, sadly after much too long, had to christen it with the first of many lawn fights of its life. Dank was attempting to beat me from behind on the car ride home, so he was the first lawn victim, despite his repeated attempts to pussy out by claiming that I was out of his weight class.

What is so amazing about this, other than the fact that Brad and I had a good time launching Danks sandals at his croth and declaring he was kicking himself in the groin while he was writhing in the ground in pain, was the fact that Heather was sleeping on the couch the whole time without waking. Dank even called out for her at one point in an attempt to gain some sort of mercy, and the FRONT WINDOWS ARE OPEN!

Heather slept through the lawn fight, through me unlocking the front door, through the house alarm going off, through me asking her what the hell she was watching, through me going to the bathroom and the toilet flushing.

So now comes the fun part... Live.

I am going to attempt a series of noises while writing this post to see what it takes to wake her. Keep in mind, she is in the same room, mere feet away from me, at the moment.

First Noise: Dog bark (there was already one barking outside)
Result: No dice, she didn't budge.



Second Noise: Sheep
Result: Zip



Third Noise: Rapist ("I'm going to get you, GRRRRR")
Result: Still nada



Fourth Noise: Seagull
Result: Amazingly Zilch! I can't believe this one, it was LOUD!



Fifth Noise: Singing "It's raining men"
Result: Is she playing me? It's not working.



Sixth Noise: This is the last one before we play the touching game. I am going to scream "BLOODY MURDER. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU". If she does not wake, she will be sorry.
Result: HOLY SHIT! SHE WOKE UP! I think she is pissed, she keeps asking "what is going on?" I respond with by laughing. She went to the bathroom and came back and said: "Hello crazy person."



Well, that about wraps it up.

Next time, we may need to try and play the "Sleeping Vern's Pizza Eating Game" again.

Here is what I was working with:

Dear Dr. Rob...

Here's the letter I wrote to Dr. Rob, a psychic trying to extort money from me through the mail in exchange for good luck and a stupid lucky pendant.

Dear Dr. Rob,

I appreciate your sincere and personal letter. You make very interesting points regarding the days of fortune that lie ahead for me. It’s nice to know that there is someone out there who genuinely cares for me and is looking out for my well being. Usually people just want my money.

However, I have to question you ability to predict these great events since you could not successfully predict that I would turn down your offer. As a psychic, you should have been able to tell that I am not a loose money launderer and that I would simply throw your letter in the trash with the rest of the euro-garbage I receive.

On the other hand, I am somewhat curious about my days of good fortune and would like to give it a chance. To prove the existence of this good fortune, maybe you can get the ball rolling. Please send me 100 American dollars and a box of wine and I will invest in your mullet of power.

If this does not work for you, perhaps I could be persuaded to enrol if you made apples taste like muffins for a few days or make dogs talk or something.

Regards,
Alex (I won’t write my last name because you already know what it is)

I never heard back from dear ol' Bobby

Yes Son, I Would Like Some Sausages

For Blair...

Roon Goon

From ESPN...

Wayne Rooney was involved in an altercation with fellow Premiership star Michael Gray in a plush Manchester restaurant on Saturday night.

The 20-year-old Manchester United striker was with fiancee Coleen McLoughlin and three other couples, all long-standing close friends of the pair, at the Panacea restaurant, when Gray, himself capped three times by England in 1999, wandered over, apparently under the influence of alcohol.

The footballers exchanged words before it is alleged Rooney, while still seated, punched Gray, giving the player, who is now at Blackburn, a black eye.

Maybe the FA will give him more non-FA related suspension time.

Even Ste(v, ph)en

Ryan: Listen, Learn, Cry

Monday Morning Tape

10 points ...

to whoever figures out who I am immitating here.

The Best Nothing of ....

Everything?

I have joined the legions of suburbic trend-getters and blogged together a blog full of bloggy qualities where blogfuls of blog will be blogged.

Mostly, I can share with the world the entire nothingness which I enjoy so much.

In the future, you may find here:
sports
comedy
alex v alex
comedy
sports
palindromes

Your humble blogger,
The good Alex