Please, put me out of my misery

I am on the verge of conceding the hockey pool. After getting a record 25 points on Saturday and boosting my hopes of at least coming back to beat Brad, it all comes crashing down to earth.

Last night I shit the bed. Half my players score.

And then tonight... Please tell me how offensive powerhouses Simon Gagne and Evegni Malkin, whose teams combined for 12 goals, are held off the score sheet. They both were a team worst -2. Kyle Calder got a point for God's sake! He scored his first goal in 28 games. Slow clap for you, Coulman. Let me get you a spoon, so you can eat my ass.

This can only be blamed on luck. I have bad luck. The rest of my competitors have good luck. Good night, and good luck.