Downer

Wow, thanks Ryan. As if it's not enough that I never have anyone to celebrate my birthday with (liquidity wise), you felt the need to point out that I also won't be spending my birthday with a million dollars spread around me naked on my hotel bed. No, I wasn't planning on convincing Heather to let me sleep with a MILF that was going to pay a million dollars for a night in the sack, I'm referring to the Million Dollar Shootout/Conspiracy:

Jason Hall is having his best Christmas ever. The 29-year-old registered nurse was randomly selected from more than three million entries for a chance to become an instant millionaire in a shootout contest on television. The London, Ont., resident will be the inaugural Chevy Silverado Million Dollar Shootout participant during the first intermission of the Calgary at Vancouver NHL game on Dec. 27

Sure, my chances were 6,000 to 1, but this was supposed to be destiny. I could have put Saskatoon on the map! I could have told the Flames in person that we didn't want their stupid preseason game. That they could make the Yukon Flames territory. I could have slapped Iginla in the face with a stack of one hundred dollar bills. But most of all, I could have been rich. Richer than God. Is that too much to ask?