White Stripes in S'toon

Why not play a 15 minute set at a Saskatoon Bowling alley?



Apparently I missed all this excitement while on vacation.

Child Tennis Phenom

from tsn.ca...

TORONTO (CP) - Frank Dancevic's impressive run at the Indianapolis Tennis Championships has vaulted the 22-year-old from Niagara Falls, Ont., into the top 100 on the ATP Tour.

Dancevic jumped 17 places to No. 92 after reaching the final Sunday. He lost 6-4, 7-5 to Russian Dmitry Tursunov, who moved up four places to No. 23.

Dancevic's career high in the ranking is No. 82, in October 1986.

Something doesn't seem right here.

HA!

Dude has an issue during his DUI arrest.


Itchy Nuts DUI - Watch more free videos

Mo' Money

Can someone explain this to me?

LATROBE, Pa. -- Pittsburgh Steelers star safety Troy Polamalu signed a four-year contract extension Monday worth $30.19 million that makes him the highest-paid player in team history and one of the NFL's top-paid defensive backs.

How is Polamalu the highest paid player in franchise history? His contract averages to 7.55$ million a year by my mathematical standards.

Now I'm no NFL specialist and indeed no NFL contract/bonus/guaranteed money specialist, but if what I just said is true, how do the Steelers do it? That means he's making more than Big Ben and Hines Ward and more than The Bus or Joey Porter or any Steeler ever has.

This doesn't make sense in my mind, for two reasons. One, Daniel Briere (6.5$ million on contract average) will be making almost as much money as the top Steeler will this year in Philidelphia. I'm definitely under the impression that NHL salaries shouldn't come near NFL salaries given the state of the two leagues in the US. And Two, I'm seeing new contracts, from veterans and rookies, coming out that eclipse Polamalu's "huge" contract and nobody seems to bat an eye.

For instance, today, Marc Bulger signed for 10.25$ million on average (which, admittedly, is the highest salary in Rams history) and Bucs' rookie Gaines Adams signed for 7.66$ million on average. However, ESPN does say that Bulger's contract puts him just shy of the elite quarterbacking salaries, meaning that salaries must not go much higher than his.

Anyway, I guess it is just a strange realization to me, not only that NFL salaries aren't higher, but that Polamalu's salary is the Steeler's highest ever. As well, that Jaromir Jagr signed a 11$ million/year contract for the Capitals at one point, which compares very closely with the top NFL salaries ever. And it seems from what I've seen, the average salary per player is very close in the NHL (1.46$ million for 2005-06) and NFL (1.4$ million in 2005). Of course, I have been averaging all of this over the term of the contract, though NFL contracts often have huge signing bonuses which give players a huge annual salary in the first year they sign it. To compare even more, Christiano Ronaldo is apparently making 120,000 pounds a week (~12.7$ million US / year), the highest contract in Man. U.'s history.

Come to think of it, maybe there is a few reasons for the NFL/NHL inequality equalities. I guess a NFL team payroll would be significantly higher given the number of players on the team and that they play significantly less games than a NHL team.

Another shocking discovery, kind of unrelated but very interesting, the CFL has the sixth largest average per game attendance of any sports league in the world. It eclipses La Liga and Serie A for God sakes! Also amazing, is that the NFL averages over 67,000 in attendance per game. HOLY HELL that is a huge crowd to average, almost double second place finishers: Bundesliga (really?) with ~37,000.

BIG NEWS!

This story made it onto the front page of the CBC news website, and how important that information is to the medical community everywhere.

http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2007/07/27/circumcision-sensation.html

Apparently, researchers at McGill say there is no difference between clipped and non-clipped as far as sensitivity or arousal goes. Who funded this research and what purpose will it serve? The only outcome I can see is that the dropping circumcision rates in Canada will now rebound as parents discover they don't need to worry about their dear male babies' plight growing up with a dud unit. Everyone rejoice! What a great day to be Jewish, I'm sure; I'm going to go get mine done right now. Think of the possibilities!

This is like an episode of Mythbusters except it is being done in an educational institution. I propose they next solve the mystery of why every other guy tells me his dong hangs to his feet, yet the average is so much less than that. I have a gut feeling they might be lying, but I'm not quite sure about it yet. Woe is me.

My Simpsons Character

Here's the Simpsons character I made of myself from the Simpsons movie wesite:
http://www.simpsonsmovie.com/main.html

It would be more entertaining if I were more oddly shaped and looking. No need to debate that last point, thanks.

Install Staals into a barred stall

Words are fun.

From tsn.ca...

Carolina Hurricanes' centre Eric Staal and younger brother, Pittsburgh Penguins' Jordan Staal, were among 14 people arrested in Cook County, Minnesota Monday after the elder Staal's bachelor party got out of hand. Both brothers were charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing the legal process, while Jordan was also charged with consumption of alcohol while under 21 years of age

Here's my question. Why in the hell would you go to Minnesota for your bachelor party? Is it because they heard such great things about the parties the Vikings players had there? Is the Mall of America really that cool? Did they piss away their contract money so soon and couldn't afford to go to Vegas? Why the hell didn't they just go to Winnepeg?

Well I guess it was hockey's turn for a player controversy, following Vick in NFL and Gary Player's assertion of steroids in golf. Maybe hockey players got jealous because NFL players are stealing all the hype and golfers are starting to become badder than they are. John Daly is already badder than most. So if that was their goal, congratulations to the Staal's for upping the ante and joining Rick Tocchet as hockey's recent black sheep.

Top Ten Vacation Highlights

10. Heather's Grandma didn't beat me at golf this time. The fact that we didn't play together on this trip is a moot point.
9. At Brewsters in Calgary, I spilled an entire glass of stout all over myself after ordering a 5 glass sampler platter. Thanks a lot for the suggestion, JON!
8. +35 degree weather in BC everyday.
7. My Grandpa got the family a hot tub in Clear Lake.
6. Curt and Jon stayed civil on the golf course, though they did get marshaled for driving their cart up to the green on a par three. The marshal asked if they were handicapped. HA! If he only knew. Time for an orange juice and coffee.
5. Free golf. Heather's grandparents own a course in BC and my Grandpa owns a mini golf course in Clear Lake. Hell yup!
4. We didn't total our car in Edmonton this time.
3. The cherries we picked from Heather's aunt's tree in BC were later discovered to have very noticeable worms inside, every single one of them. Thanks for picking through our food, Heather! WIDKWHM.
2. Heather and I and my two cousins decided to go Blair Witch on my sister and three other girl cousins who were tenting outside in Clear Lake. We snuck up in the dark just as they were about to get out of the tent for pee time. Luckily, we were all behind slender tree and all they could see was random body parts and they FREAKED! My one cousin said she was calling the cops and then called her Mom and told her to get my uncle to come out with a bat. Then the best part... my aunt had just got back from the UAE and had brought back this singing Arab alarm clock that was loud like hell and sounded like imminent jihad. I had it with me and turned it on and I'm pretty sure scarred those girls for life. Happy camping.

And finally...

1. Whilst tubing on Clear Lake at near supersonic speeds with Heather, just as I was being tossed from the tube, her bathing suit bottoms were pulled to here ankles. To my surprise, looking back at the tube, there was Heather's bare ass staring me in the face. Classic.