Wednesday, December 31, 2008

When Stevie G wants some Phil Collins, you better give him some Phil Collins

Ahh, the new year is upon us. As a Liverpool fan, 2008 had finished so nice that it was hard to imagine how 2009 could get any better. Leading the league at Christmas for the first time in 12 years, then closing out the year by flattening Newcastle away 5-1 while Cheslea dropped points against Fulham...The proverbial gauntlet had been well and truly thrown down to our would-be challengers. The red juggernaught was rolling- gaining momentum faster than a fat Ronaldo rolling down a hill (or a career...zing!).


a fat Ronaldo


What could possibly go wrong? Well...Steven Gerrard- Captain Fantastic, our talisman, the scowly-faced scouse legend himself- could, you know, decide to glass a DJ for not playing Phil Collins and promptly get arrested and charged with assault. Oh, you say. That old chestnut.

What in sweet jesus holy hell was Gerrard thinking? I can just imagine Rafa Benitez after receiving the call, his chubby little bottom lip all a-quiver, huddled under the shower, muttering "Phil Collins? But why?" to himself over and over again. He must be absolutely baffled that his captain, one of the most single-minded and committed footballers of his generation, a man so obsessed with winning the Premier League that he probably shits little mini prem trophies, could do something so retarded at all, let alone right now.

There is only one explanation.

The pressure of rescuing Liverpool from mediocrity for so long has finally broken the mighty Stevie G. With the prospect of fulfilling his boyhood dream finally staring him in the face (albeit from a long way away- he still has to squint to see it...maybe that's where all the wrinkles on his forehead come from) he's cracking up. He's having a nervous breakdown.

How else can you go from this:

to this in about 30 seconds:


Even more baffling maybe is how Liverpool as a club, Benitez himself, and the FA have all come out saying they will support Gerrard through this whole thing. Like he's the victim of a clever conspiracy to make him smash someone in the face with a glass. I mean, true...we don't really know what exactly happened yet. Maybe it wasn't him that did it. Everybody deserves a fair hearing. But maybe they should all just shut the fuck up. Seriously. Like wow, this must be a very trying time for him. Never mind the guy missing his teeth and with a new visage a-la Leatherface. If he did glass that guy, then...well...I've lost all respect for him. There. I said it.

At least until we win the title.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Confessions of a Cantakerous Mind

Random thoughts:
1. Get rid of the fucking penny for God's sake. Quit stalling, you know it's going to happen.
2. Oilers on a three game winning streak, in a playoff position prior to tonight's games with games in hand. Turn me on.
3. Claude Lemieux signed by the Ducks. Why is this not front page material? The guy is 43 and hasn't played in the NHL for five years. This is so far out of left field, it is officially in foul territory.
4. Going to get an Ipod touch. It will interfere with my special time with the Star Phoenix on the bus, but I'm sure I'll cope.
5. Can't wait for the Winter Classic at Wrigley on Hang Over day 2009. As long as there isn't interruptions to clean the ice every 2 minutes due to a snowstorm.
6. I need to make my left leg bigger.
7. Kings of Leon.
8. Torrenting brings my internet connection to its knees. Should get more bandwidth but really don't want to pay for it. Also want PVR but also don't want to pay.
9. All soccer is going all wrong. Spurs losing. Cristiano Ronaldo not scoring at will for my fantasy team. Though Edgar scored in another big fixture this year. Hope he breaks into Newcastle. Canada needs a quality centre back, at least one anyway.
10. Caught KD in our hockey pool tonight if things stay the way they are. Time to practice my sass.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

MS Ctrl-C

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Batman Bitch Slap


I know I've seen this before, but it is still hilarious.

Funnytacular

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Ooooookay

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The Hockey Song

I'm sorry, but 1940's sounding hockey theme music does not fit with TSN's hockey image. It doesn't even feel like the same song anymore. And cutting to commercial, they are sometimes using unrecognizable parts of the song anyway. It's just weird. Stop it. That's enough! I mean common.

And what's with splitting up McGuire and Gord Miller. They are like twins. And I know I'm one of the few, but I like Pierre and I thought he and Gord worked very well together. Now don't get me wrong, I've always loved Chris Cuthbert and Ferraro is great too. But why split up a good thing. It's like taking the iced out of the tea.

But no matter what, they are still head over heels better than god awful CBC. To go along with poor broadcasting production, I now have to listen to Mark Lee every Saturday. Really? REALLY?!! It was bad enough when it was just first round of the playoffs. Now I don't know what I'm going to do. I might break the mute button on the remote. And you pair him with Marc Crawford. He sounds like a pubescent teenager! It just makes me sick. They don't have the hockey song anymore, don't have much talent, Don Cherry's a douche, and it breaks my heart but Ron Maclean is starting to sound more and more like Cherry's mouthpiece every day. Where's the balls Ron? Sounds like a typical ref, letting the players call the shots and claiming he's the one whose really in charge.

But there are more optimistic things to think about tonight, Gobama.

Monday, November 03, 2008

I love Hockey

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Awesome!

This pretty much sums up what I did this Halloween. No! I didn't carve this. But I did carve a pumpkin (see below) and watched AVP Requiem.

Funny Stuffs

The pool slide one made my night.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die


I love Zach Galifianakis
See more Zach Galifianakis videos at Funny or Die


See more Zach Galifianakis videos at Funny or Die

Too Good Not To Share

Spurs come back late to tie at the Emirates.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween

I believe it was Charles Dickens who said...
I will honor Halloween in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
Something like that anyway.

I won the pumpkin carving contest this year at work. A whole 3 submissions were made, one of them being an uncarved pumpkin (which took 3rd place and a prize).


I'm glad to see that my 3 hours of carving Wednesday night were rewarded. My fingers are still in pain after using substandard carving tools.

And how about THIS for a rip off. In our box of Hershey's chocolate bars, there was a package or Reese's Pieces which was sealed with no candy in it! I know! The CEO of Hershey's, David J. West (yeah, I looked it up), should be fired on the spot. Either that or he should come and hand fill my package with chocolate for me. Wait, that kind of sounded erotic. Either way, I'm sticking to it!

Hershey's, you are officially ON NOTICE!


Moving on...

I'm thinking if I do anything to dress up tonight, I'm going to cut some of my hair off and use double sided tape to tape it under my nose. That should give me a good pedophile moustache. I'll put pics up if that's the case.

380.10$ premature

I bet on sport select last weekend for the first time in a long time. My darling ticket was one with 3 NHL ties on it. So for 2$, I could have won 390.10$ if all games ended with "ties" (ties in the Sports Select world, because there are no ties anymore in hockey).

So as I sat in Crackers admiring drunk people singing karaoke, I glanced at the hockey scores. 1st game on ticket, shootout win (aka, "tie"). 2nd game, shootout win. 3rd game... Well, that's where I jumped the gun. Turns out I was just watching the scores for something beside the time indicator. The time indicator being "1st" for first period or "F" for finished games. But if there is a game that ends in overtime, then it is "F/OT" and for shootouts "F/SO." Now both these latter results are ties after regulation time, but in the sports select world, one is a tie and one isn't.

So because I jumped the gun and saw "F/OT" on that third game, I bought a round of drinks for everyone to share my joy. Naturally, it only took me a few minutes to realize my 390.10$ ticket was actually -28$ for the round of drinks I bought.

Thankfully, I won 10$ by going 10/12 on the spread on another hockey ticket which was like winning first prize in an ugly contest. Some consolation.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Stamkos

update: Steve must read my blog because not 10 minutes after I wrote this, he got his first NHL point, a PP assist. What the hell is wrong with Sarnia?



It's official, right now, in Tampa's 8th game into the 2008-09 NHL season, quasi-starting goaltender Mike Smith has more points than supposed rookie starlet Steve Stamkos, with 1 assist. Stamkos being a current no. 2 centerman.

With Crosby, Ovechkin, Malkin, Kane, Toews all stepping in and doing big things like they were supposed to do in recent years, it would probably been a foregone conclusion that Stamkos would do the same. I wonder if Tampa is considering moving him back to junior since they haven't yet played the 9 games that would use up the first year of his entry level contract.

Shocking. Thanks for taking him early in our draft B-rad.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Blogging Plants

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7681966.stm

He devised a sensor which he attached to the plant named "Midori-san" that measures bio-electric signals. These are converted into data by a computer next (to) the plant and then translated into Japanese in the form of a blog.
Sounds like some Japanese student watched The Happening on acid and got tripped right the fuck out!

MacGruber!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Air Farce

Recently I traveled home from Toronto on Air Canada, aka, Air Farce. What a joke.

For the first time in my life, I was bumped from a plane. I didn't ever know why these kind of things happened. Turns out these things happen because you buy a ticket. Oops, stupid me. But because they sell too many tickets, sometimes you get fucked. Because when you don't check in early and get a seat assigned, you are flying by the seat of Air Canada's pants. It doesn't have to make sense.

You see, what they do is assign a certain number of seats for a flight. After that, you get put on a list. And then at the time of the flight, they go down the list (alpha-fucking-betically from what I can tell), and give people tickets. So if you're on one of these lists and your last name is Zzazzooz and everyone shows up, start looking for another flight.

The best part is when the ticket agent calls you over and explains that don't have a seat. The lady I talked to started with "Ok, here we go again." So think it doesn't happen very often? Oh, but "all the airlines do it." Sure thing. Do all the other airlines have problems on every flight I saw that day?

After being sent to the customer service desk, I waited in line for at least 15 minutes. The fucking line was so long that it blocked the hallway completely. It was probably 20 people deep. Clearly Air Canada doesn't overbook their customer service agents' shifts because there was only service from 2 and half people while I was there.

So I took my 200$ Air Canada voucher (aka garbage, as far as I'm concerned) and my 12$ meal ticket and went on my way. My agent told me it could have been worse because there was a Vancouver flight that day which was overbooked by over 30 people. 30 PEOPLE! Air Canada, setting new records in incompetence. And of course every meal in the airport is at least 12$ so the voucher doesn't get you very far.

After getting re-booked for a flight 3 hours later, the kind customer service agent said she was going to assign a seat for me because she didn't want to take the chance of me missing that flight too. Well thank you very fucking much! What a treat! You would think that would be automatic for someone you just inconvenienced for 3 hours with no free internet in the airport and you can't sit in this section of the restaurant because you ordered at the till and the fucking Colts game is going in and out of reception and they are sucking anyway so... fuck.

Of course when the next flight rolled around, I sat and watched a group of people go through the exact same thing that I did. Can you imagine how horrible it must be to be an Air Canada ticket agent? Having angry (would-be) passengers harassing you constantly trying to find out why they aren't getting onto the plane that they bought tickets for? The highlight came when a guy came on the plane at the last second and shortly thereafter the ticket agent came and said he had to get off the plane because the people whose seat he was taking had shown up late. Unsurprisingly, he was not all that happy about it. What a cock(pit) tease.

So, this was the first time in quite a while that I've flown Air Canada and their in-flight entertainment has improved, now that they have competent competition in WestJet. But unlike WestJet, all AC's programming is stored for on-demand. WestJet has a live bell TV feed, which was nice for watching Champions league soccer on my last trip to Toronto and sports highlights on the way out on this trip.

So without the opportunity to watch Sunday night football, I settled in to watch The Happening. But the way my night was going, I figured the movie system would crash halfway through. That would have been par for the course. But instead it worked fine. The problem with that though, was the The Happening was one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. I mean, instead of the crazy twist at the end like all other M. Night. Shamalamadingdong's movies, it is the most expected possible ending. What the fuck was that?! Now I was wishing the damn movie had crashed.

The one redeeming moment was that my checked bag made it to Saskatoon on the first flight and was sitting there waiting for me in Saskatoon to pick it up right away. Though I'm surprised it wasn't sent to Albuquerque.

Well Air Canada, you bumped the wrong man. I will televise the revolution and it will taste like purple gatorade. On your planes, I shall not fly. Air Canada, you are officially ON NOTICE!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Gerry Dee - Sports Reporter

Friday, TCU Place, 8:30.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Oh please let this continue



I think I should be Steve Macintyre for Halloween. This guy could scare the shit out of anyone.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Burn!

Lil' Bill

This kid is hilarious.


Little Bill O'Reilly Tells It Like It Is - Watch more free videos

oh, if you're not in the know...

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Just More Proof that Pants are a Hazard

Long live "don't you hate pants"

Canada WC Qualifiing 2008 Stage III Match 4

Canadasoccer.com
Despite my attempts to smarten the CCA up about promoting the game in Canada in the past, they seem to dismiss the simple things to keep people happy. Their website, www.canadasoccer.com is again way behind the game. Along with not posting television broadcasting information, they do not even list the upcoming World Cup qualifying fixtures on the website. So if you, like me, are looking for day and time information about the game, you are going to have to look somewhere else. Things just aren't very obvious to them.

I did eventually find the information in less obvious portion of the website:
The match will be televised live on Sportsnet Pacific (18.30 PT) and Sportsnet West (19.30 MT).

Canada v. Honduras

Now that I know Canada plays in Hoduras on Saturday, let the praying begin. It would be awesome to have something to cheer for when Canada plays Mexico on Edmonton next Wednesday. They need to beat Honduras, no questions asked. There are problems with this however.

The two big stars of the team are out. De Guzman and de Rosasio are out due to and injury and a suspension respectively. To make matters worse, the heart of the defense, Adrian Serioux is also out. And to pile on to the steaming pile, Jim Brennan quit the team after a row with coach Mitchell, not that he had a big role to play in our game plan anyway, which seemed to be the heart of the issue. The cherry on top is that what would have been two useful players in midfield are also out on injury, Issey Nakajima-Farran and Daniel Imhof. So now we almost need a miracle.

I am pushing for sweeping changes in the center of defense. I was hoping for Richard Hastings to come out and David Edgar and Kevin McKenna dropped in place. But this won't happen because Edgar wasn't called up (dammit!). So much for my hope of a good mix of youth and experience. The timing would seem right for Edgar too, due to his recent inclusion in some of Newcastle's fixtures. McKenna, meanwhile, had been playing regularly for Cologne in the Bundesliga. So Hastings will likely be there to stay, though our depth chart lists a lot of possible defenders. Stalteri and Klukowski will likely be the unquestioned starters at fullback (though questions about Stalteri have admittedly been rampant in my mind for quite a while now).

This may be the most important game that Atiba Hutchinson plays for Canada ever. He is now the heart of the midfield. Speed on the wing will be provided by Radzinski, returns after his hand slicing incident in Montreal. Patrice Bernier is back after suspension, but I really don't like the idea of putting him back in, he was ineffective and hot-headed. Though, since we are so limited on midfield options, he will likely feature. The only other real option seems to be Marcel de Jong. Hope we don't need to make any subs in the midfield on Saturday.

After Gerba showing everyone once again what he is capable of, and Iain Hume too for that matter, he should be slotted up front with Rob Friend. I think Friend will benefit from having some help up front and be much more useful. With two big men up front, we can concentrate on using our speed down the wing from Radzinski and Hume to pump balls into the box. We need wins, so sitting back should no longer be an option.

As expected, Hirschfeld will be in net, that is the only confirmation thus far.

So, my desired lineup would be:
----------------Hirschfeld----------------
-Stalteri---Hastings--McKenna---Klukowski-
-----------------de Jong------------------
-Hume-----------Hutchinson------Radzinski-
------------Gerba-------Friend------------

Roster for 2 qualifiers (from www.canadasoccer.com)
CANADA
1 Lars Hirschfeld | G | Edmonton, AB | ROM / CFR Cluj
2 Chris Pozniak | D/M | Aurora, ON | SCO / Dundee F.C.
3 Mike Klukowski | D | Oshawa, ON | BEL / Club Brugge KV
4 Kevin McKenna | D | Calgary, AB | GER / 1. FC Köln
5 André Hainault | D | Hudson, QC | CZE / FK SIAD Most
6 Julian de Guzman | M | Scarborough, ON | ESP / Deportivo La Coruna
7 Paul Stalteri | D/M | Brampton, ON | ENG / Tottenham Hotspur
8 Kevin Harmse | D/M | Vancouver, BC | CAN / Toronto FC
9 Tomasz Radzinski | M/F | Toronto, ON | BEL / K. Lierse S.K.
10 Ali Gerba | F | Montréal, QC | ENG / Milton Keynes Dons FC
11 Richard Hastings | D | Vancouver, BC | SCO / Inverness CT
12 Dejan Jakovic | D | Etobicoke, ON | SRB / Red Star Belgrade
13 Atiba Hutchinson | M | Brampton, ON | DEN / F.C. København
14 Marcel de Jong | D/M | Newmarket, ON | NED / Roda JC
15 Patrice Bernier | M | Brossard, QC | DEN / FC Nordsjælland
16 Rob Friend | F | Kelowna, BC | GER / Borussia Mönchengladbach
17 Iain Hume | F | Brampton, ON | ENG / Barnsley FC
18 Joshua Wagenaar | G | Grimsby, ON | ENG / Yeovil Town FC
Dwayne De Rosario | M/F | Scarborough, ON | USA / Houston Dynamo
Adrian Serioux | D/M| Scarborough, ON | USA / FC Dallas

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Flagrant Referee

Saturday, October 04, 2008

MMM, donurgers

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Is that a ... Oh Sweet Jesus!

It's not often I have anything interesting to write about, so I'll give it a try with the events of last night, which I hope never occur again.

Everyone has seen roadkill at some point on the highway, in various states of decomposition. I don't think about it too much and it doesn't really bother me. But last night, I got to witness roadkill which wasn't as much kill as it was just road. Heather and I pulled up to what I thought was a dead cat on the road. As I slowly approached it with my headlights pointed in its direction, it appeared more and more like a tattered garbage bag with some shit inside, blowing slightly in the wind.

Then I turned the car toward our street and gave one last glance back. I saw the bloody face of a cat and the associated puddle of blood oozing from it's head. The cat was actually twitching in agony. Just as I looked away, its one leg stuck straight in the air. I can only assume this is what they refer to as rigor mortis, which was a welcome sign knowing it was done suffering. However, without being sure, Heather and I went out to investigate.

I brought a shovel to scoop it out of the middle of the road and a ice chipper in case I needed to get violent and "finish him." It didn't seem like a desirable thing to do at all, but I thought I would be able to do it if I had to. That changed pretty quickly. Thank God that cat was dead, because it was disturbing enough just trying to get the cat onto the shovel to move it. The thought kept racing through my mind that it wasn't actually dead and when we touched it, it would freak out and start spraying blood from his eyes at us and start screaming nonsense at us in a robot alien voice.

Cats are animals and as such, they are stupid. They will not always obey the rules of traffic. I assume house cats who get out are worse than others. And given their ability to jump fences (is nimbly a word?), it would make sense that they are actually not permitted outdoors without a leash. From the City of Saskatoon:

Cats and dogs are not permitted to be at large (they must be on a leash when outside of the owner’s property).

Perhaps those who regularly don't abide by such rules generate enough apathy from others to not care when they run over someone's pet, so they leave it there in the street to die. Don't get me wrong, I find that completely unacceptable and though I'm sure it was an accident, all parties need to share the blame: the driver, the owner, and the cat. Obviously we know what the cat's repercussions were, but what about the driver? By not stopping and handling the situation, they have absolved themselves of their responsibility, which subsequently fell to Heather and I. It was either sheer laziness, malaise, or fear. And lastly, the owner. I didn't check to see if the cat was tagged, but assuming it was, it would seem appropriate for the owner to pay a fine. Obviously they were in dereliction of their pet duty (did someone say pet duty?) and should be punished as such. Maybe this is what happens in reality, I don't know. Ultimately, they were the ones who broke the rules which led to the accident.

Heather and I moved the cat to the side of the road so either the owner might find it and see the carnage or someone hungry enough could have a decent meal.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Hilarious Comics

Yep

This is art



What? That is art? Yep. See, real art is too deep for me. It requires thought and knowledge, neither of which are strong points for me. But comedy and sports, damn, I like that. So if I were ever to frame something and hang it in my house, this picture of a bat terrorizing people at a baseball game would be a choice selection.

Why? Because there are so many things to see and love:
-The guy who is sitting there and appears to be getting his face caved in by the bat without doing a thing to prevent it.
-The sheer terror on nearly everybody's faces.
-The guy who hasn't done nearly enough to shelter his 2 year old daughter, who herself appears to be the only one trying to catch it.
-The chick using a pizza box to protect herself (or is completely unaware anything is going on and is sliding pizza into her mouth).
-That chicks friend who doesn't seem to care and goes on eating her popcorn because that's just how hard she is.

Disgraceful

In another disgraceful decision by random variables, I have not been awarded this year's opportunity to kick for a million (dollars). In TSN, the CFL, and Wendy's annual competition, 4 people across Canada (2 East, 2 West) get to showdown for an opportunity to kick a 50 yard field goal for 1 Million $$$ in Toronto this Friday October 3.

And despite the hundreds of entries I have made, someone else from Saskatoon won. Can you believe it?! Hundreds of entries! It must be horrible luck for me not to get picked.

And now there is only one thing to do. Drink my sorrows while eating baconators. Yes, that's right. It's my bi-annual anger management party where I support the CFL by drinking Gibson's whiskey and eating Wendy's baconators. Then, in a state that will only be described to me later, I will yell at the likely overweight and overage man on the TV trying to kick field goals for prizes. Last year was a hoot with what I'm sure is now in divorce proceedings where a gentleman of the form I described earlier missed from 20,30,40,50 yards to win nothing. The look on his wife's face was priceless. And so was the Shadenfreude from this here viewer.

I don't know what's wrong with the world and why the cosmos has aligned against me. I could be a marketing dream out there kicking million dollar field goals and tempting teams to sign me. I could change my name to Wendy Milliondebotte (maybe Wendel would be better). I could get the red haired chick tattooed on my ass. I could celebrate field goals to make soccer players jealous. Regardless, this was just another opportunity missed.

So, friends, I invite you to join me in my now annual event that I affectionately term Gibsonators night. Kickoff is 5 PM for Toronto - BC to be followed immediately by Calgary vs. Saskatchewan.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Freakin Amazing Catch

I caught this on the TV at wings tonight and had no idea what it was about. Well I do now.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Picture Says It All

DeSean Jackson: Oops

What a great weekend for football fuck-ups. I mean the whole Ed Hoculi thing and even in that game b/w the Chargers and Broncos, they couldn't do an instant replay in the first half because the replay equipment wouldn't work. Hilarious.



And HAHAHAHAHHA, he's done it before!


some others: click here

Comedy Cavalcades





Rivers / Avery

A while ago, I made the cunning discovery that Sean Avery looks exactly like Brian Austin Green. Unfortunately, I was unable to piece together any other traits that tie them together.

But now I have a better match: Philip Rivers. Both he and Avery look exactly the same, have big mouths, are utter douche bags, and need to be slapped in the face/kicked in the neck more often. I can't stand either of these guys, though sadly I have to admit, both are pretty good athletes.

Avery:

Rivers:

A Great Idea: Feeding

Instead of saying "I'm going to have lunch", say "I'm going to feed." Or instead of "It's supper time", use "It's feeding time." It's just good etiquette.

What a great idea.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Postmortem Canada v Mexico

Well, that was not fun.

Truth be told, I was enjoying Canada's successful defending in the first half. They probably executed their game plan exactly how they would have wanted it. We probably all knew they would concede at some point, but there was a way back into it had we not slacked off on a corner kick to give Mexico the 2-nil lead. And it brings up a subtle point I forgot to make in my tips for improvement last night: defend well, defend smart.

I thought it would basically go without saying. But it seems Canada needs to be reminded. Specifically Paul Stalteri, whose lazy challenge on Rafa Marquez's near post header cost us any chance to salvage a point (not to mention the fact there wasn't anyone defending the near post). Which sadly has left me to make the following observation, Stalteri is costing us. Here is a guy who by all rights made me a Spurs fan when I started to really get into the EPL a few years ago. He was probably the highest profile Canadian in the world, having then just recently won the Bundesliga with Werder Bremen. Though his start with Spurs was bright, helping them to two 5th place finishes, he has now been dropped from Ramos' first team and is now rotting in the reserves. Whereas he was making crisp, dangerous passes through the Chelsea defense two years ago in the later stages of the FA cup, you would now be hard pressed to find where or if he is even playing at all, even with the reserves. I still love his passion and perhaps there is nobody better we could put in his position, but the lack of creativity and the defensive lapses are hurting big time. Eg. He and Serioux couldn't decide who would take the man with the ball in one of the Honduran goals in Montreal.

Which isn't to say there was a whole lot to be happy about at the back once we went down. Hastings can only knock it deep and Serioux is an expert and either giving away cheaply by overdribbling or just duffing a long pass that probably wasn't going anywhere anyway and leading to a dangerous counterattack. Klukowski though, played amazing. He is confident on the ball as ever and provided the only outlet of our last third of any quality. He was also defending very well, save for a few stupid challenges which gifted dangerous free kicks.

The refreshing thing was that the reffing was amazing. Mexico probably had more to complain than we did (Blanco's yellow should instead have gone to De Guzman for his early ankle buster). I wish we could have that quality of reffing in every game. His early yellow for a dive in the box probably set the tone for the Mexicans, who for the most part played with honesty and integrity. Of course, they didn't have to worry as much about getting the result as Jamaica or Honduras did in Canada.

One of the bright spots for me was the play of Nakajima-Farran. He was confident on the ball and had he been able to get further up the field, I think he would have been dangerous. I hope to see him in that position for the rest of the qualifiers.

Which brings us to a sobering reality. We are now desperate. I don't think we can continue this defensive posturing. We need to put Gerba AND Friend up front and hope the midfield can shut things down. Everybody saw how Friend was hopeless to corral any long balls sent his way. It is just asking too much. With two of them up there, we stand a way better chance. Plus, late in the game, our forward push was even unsettling the Mexicans to play lazy clearances which gifted us the ball back.

To make things even worse for the next match, we lose two huge parts of our team. De Rosario and Serioux will miss the next game against Honduras. This could be killer. Some combination of Stalteri/Brennan/McKenna/Hume are going to have to fill this void.

I think this was an improvement though. We played to a game plan well and we even found the score sheet under desperate circumstances (which was a beauty of a dead ball from Hume to Gerba). I think if we can just learn to avoid the hair-pulling offsides we had last night, we can start surprising people.

In the end, it turns out drinking beer while watching the game wasn't the solution to our problems. Damn, that is one sacrifice I am always willing to make.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Canada Mexico (part 1)

Canada plays away to Mexico tonight (7PM on Sportsnet). They look to gain at least a point to garner some sort of respectability and of course put some desperately needed points on the board. But let's face it, after an ugly game (Canada's quality, Honduran antics, pitch, refereeing, and coaching) on Saturday, how can anything really be expected in Mexico? I think the typical media forecast would be something like this:

"With Canada dropping points from their first two games on home soil, perhaps a visit to Mexico is exactly what they need. The pressure to play in front of their home fans and having to deal with being called the best team Canada has ever had assembled may have gotten to them in their opening games. So with only the soccer to concentrate on, they look to add points to their group standing."

I really hope Gerry and Craig are in a SN studio in Toronto too, so the team can rest assured that Craig isn't flipping out somewhere in the stadium.

As I said, the last game was ugly.

Here are some things we can do to improve:
-Stay calm. Don't make rash challenges, you know they are going to dive and roll and scream. Don't shove anyone either for the same reason. The last thing we need is cards.
-Don't expect the ref to help you out. Besides seeming biased, they appear to only call fouls which are accompanied by a dive / play acting. If you don't do these things, you probably won't get the call.
-Don't give the ball away in midfield (I'm looking at you De Guzman). We get really hurt by counter attacks because our defense can't react quick enough. We saw that twice on Saturday. So move the ball quick.
-Hit the net. We haven't had a lot of shooting chances lately, but we all know De Guzman and DeRo can hit it from a ways out. Give it a shot, but hit the freaking net.
-Good Crosses. We are strong up front, but we need to get the ball to Gerba/Friend's head first. Stop wasting chances.
-Act like a coach who knows what he's doing. Why the hell did Mitchell take out Gerba for Friend? When you need more offense, don't sub off your forwards. What the fuck!?

It's really hard to see anything positive coming from tonight's game, but I will always hope and cheer for the best. Here is the formation and personel I would like to see on the pitch tonight:

--------------Hirschfeld-------------
-Stalteri-Serioux-Hastings-Klukowski-
--------De Guzman--Hutchinson--------
---De Rosario----Hume------Brennan---
----------------Friend---------------

If I were to change this anywhere, it would probably in center of defense. I didn't think Hastings played well at all last game. My hope is that Hume pushing forward with speed will be a good complement to Friend's power and size. De Rosario and Brennan need to get balls in the box. De Guzman and Hutchinson need to concentrate on shutting Mexico down in the midfield. And most importantly, the defenders need to be organized as hell and not get caught ball watching / confused as to who is going to take the man with the ball / giving it away in our own end. If things get desperate late, sub Brennan and put Gerba up front. Then push Hutchinson out wide.

Here's hoping for the best.

This isn't a good sign

Gordon Freeman is apparently working on the LHC. And if you've played half-life, you'll know what hits the fan when a mega experiment goes wrong. Namely, shit.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

So True

Friday, September 05, 2008

money = respect

Giggs, from ESPN Soccernet...

'You just have to appreciate the money they have got,' Giggs told Key103. 'Signing Robinho is a big statement to football as a whole because he is a world-class player.

'With the amount of money they have got to spend, the next few years will be interesting and we will just have to wait and see what happens.'
It is sad how money is what earns you respect in the soccer world these days. I think it is because the big four in English soccer know nobody can compete with them without it. The rest are left to fight for scraps. There will be no surprise winner of the Premier League this year (unless you count Liverpool or Arsenal as surprises). There probably won't be a surprise winner of the EPL any year, unless said winner were to have the red carpet rolled out for them the way Man City was. This is the sad state of professional soccer.

The way the media is talking, you would think Man City is destined for success. But all they've done is acquire ONE player. I guess the expectation is that once the January transfer window opens up, there will be a flood of players coming in. So, if you're Steven Ireland or Darius Vassell or Dietmar Hamann, you must basically know you have 4 months left playing for the club. I, however, don't think much is going to change with Robinho arriving. They are already a decent team and they will continue performing above average. But by January, they will be out of the title race, along with most others.

It would be so refreshing to see someone pip the big four for the title and show the world that quality can be built and not just bought. Come on, you Spurs (and yes, I realize Spurs are for the most part a buyer).

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Awesome

It is awesome that AVG, my antivirus software for the laptop, decided not to load when I booted the computer today. I can't stress how impressed I am with it.

At least Vista noticed and properly warned me of this. Yes, Vista can do something right once in a while.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Volleyball Lessons from Paul Scholes

Someone watched too much Olympics.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

P-hot-oshop or Not

Canada 1 - Jamaica 1

As good as this team is, they make me cringe with every pass. Nothing is easy for the Canadian national team. Unless, of course, you count their crisp passing around the back in their third of the field, even in the dying moments. Boy, they can sure play back there where there were no Jamaicans in sight and the back four constantly seemed to want the other guy to be the one to move the ball forward.

This is one of many tactics that bothered me. I mean it's nice to see some control and patience, but I think they may have overdone it by not really taking it to a team that was sitting back waiting to be attacked. I think they should have used a formation with 2 forwards instead of one. Our crosses were awful in the first half and maybe we could have saved more balls with more bodies up front. In the second half, we seemed to be pumping balls forward from the back with more urgency and with only Friend or Gerba up there, it was tough to gain possession. Granted there were some nice balls up on the wings for Hume and Radzinski.

Though he has affectionately been named De Godsman, for reasons he displayed last night, Julian De Guzman had a persistent habit of frustrating me while playing in our own half. He was playing a dangerous game of 1on1 with defenders and often losing. Thankfully he was able to win a good share of fouls. The other times, when he gave it up cheaply, I screamed at the TV. There is no reason to be weaving through defenders in our half, play the ball back to the defenders who are sitting there waiting to provide support.

The turning point of course had to be a horrendous own goal off Onstad. What should have been an easy catch turned into calamity when he tried to punch the ball away leaning back toward goal. Unsurprisingly, his execution let him down. He claimed he was tugged and that threw him off, but I saw no indication of anything other than poor goalkeeping. I love the guy, but I think you have to go to Sutton in our next match, September 6th in Montreal against Honduras.

It was awesome to see a proper soccer crowd and atmosphere for this game and hopefully this continues in Montreal. It can only help the team feel like they truely are at home and increase the players' desires to perform for them.

I read on a blog about how pessimistic a fan was even though we were supposed to easily dispatch of Jamaica. And though I wanted to slough him off as an exception to popular opinion, I knew deep down I was one of them too. And sadly it came true. It's not a loss though and what this means is we HAVE to beat the Reggae Boys in Kingston in November. I'm confident we still can (... or am I?)

Sportsnet


People are frustrated with the lack of Canadian team coverage and have been giving Sportsnet flack for it (see their reader's postings on national team stories). Canada at least got to see the game live in standard def on SN West and Pacific, which was one complaint, but now they added a slate of others.

First, what was the FUCKING cameraman doing? Instead of celebrating a beautiful, beautiful goal setup by Radzinski to De Guzman, I was screaming at the cameraman for shooting our defense 50 yards from the action. And this was far from a one time thing. The guy (or girl) didn't have a sniff of where the ball was on many occassions.

Then there was the affair of watching standard def soccer on Sportsnet HD. Seriously guys, what's the deal. Why do you have a high def channel if aren't going to use it like it should be? So you can show poker in HD? This is ridiculous. It they have HD cameras, they are in Toronto, so why not use them? With the extra dimensions of 16:9, it would have helped the useless tit cameraman find the ball.

And then you have Gerry Dobson and Craig Forrest. I can't fault them for their passion of our team and sport, they are great ambassadors. But when they are reduced to mocking injured players and complaining about the ref like they are on the field playing, it's too much. It's soccer, players go down. And MOST of the time, they go down when they are fouled. Even though they go down easy, it is to earn the foul against them, not to fool anyone. I watched Steven Gerrard do the same thing against the Czech Republic in their friendly last night. Gerry and Craig should listen to the likes of English commentators to learn how to do it with class. It is frustrating when someone with soccer knowledge like Craig Forrest doesn't even know the definition of delayed offside. Ie. if an offside player doesn't play the ball, he is not offside IF HE DOESN'T INTERFERE WITH THE PLAY OR THE DEFENDERS.

Maybe there is something to be said about importing English play by play analysts like CBC does...

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The 517

I decided to get up a little early this morning to watch some footy. First I was thinking of getting up at 8 for Spurs' game. Then, I figured if I'm getting up that early, since it's the first day of the season, might as well get up to watch the WBA-Gunners game at 6. Then I remembered there is Olympic soccer on at 4.

So here I am watching Brazil-Cameroon in the quarters and I have to say, this is the weirdest international game I have ever seen. There must be little to no Brazilians or Cameroonians there because it is dead quiet. You can hear the players and coaches on the field. Also strange is Brazil is playing very average against a 10 man Cameroon. Ronaldinho had done little other than make some bad passes. I don't think he's the player he once was. And for some reason, the back four is playing like Greece and knocking it around with little desire to go forward. Must be padding that possession stat. And the pitch looks aweful. The ball is bouncing around so much they are having trouble just dribbling.

I don't remember the last time I was up this early. Its not even light out at 5AM anymore. Aka, summer is dying. Poor summer.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Canada's WC Group Qualification 2008

First off, the following couldn't be more true. From sportsnet user peter_mtl (in the comments section of this article)...

I find it pathetic that Canadians won't be able to watch their own national team on live television when it begins the next round of World Cup qualifying. I can understand if Sportsnet Ontario elected to show the Blue Jay game but why do Canadians in other regions have to be deprived of watching their team at the expense of one of 162 Toronto games this season? The NATIONAL soccer team is surely much more national in importance than the TORONTO Blue Jays. What is the point of having multiple Sportsnet channels if not for a situation like this? This game didn't come out of nowhere. We knew years ago that Canada would be playing qualifying games in August/September of 2008.
Now, back to the news at hand. Canada announced its squad for the upcoming World Cup qualifier against Jamaica on August 20. Fifa has Jamaica ranked 108th currently while Canada sits at number 79. Both of which have been dropping lately. From the rankings, it may appear that we are clearly favorites, but that might not be the case. The rankings do little to tell the whole story. And Jamaica is a quality team that has been to the big show in 1998, whereas we haven't been since our lone venture in 1986. However, that is probably insignificant with regards to the current squads. Jamaica has played well lately, twice tying a Trinidad and Tobago team that participated in World Cup 2006 and routing the Bahamas in WC qualifications. They also have Marlon King up front, who is a top quality striker in England and who was just loaned to Hull for the season. The contest will be that much tougher once you add the fact that Toronto has a significant Jamaican population who will likely turn out for the game.

As for the Canadian squad that was picked, the only notable omission was striker Olivier Occean, who has been leading his team, Lillestrom, in scoring in the Norwegian Tippeligaen. (Jaime Peters, Wil Johnson, Ante Jazic, and David Edgar being others). Though, we should have more than enough offense with Hume, Friend, and Gerba. Gerba has been on fire lately for Canada and it would be a shock not to see him on the field at some point on Wednesday. Rob Friend probably deserves to be up there with him given his dominance in 2nd division German soccer last year. He finished second in the league with 18 goals for his club Borussia Mönchengladbach. Iain Hume would probably add more pace off the bench if they needed it.

The center of midfield is an interesting position. Typically Dwayne De Rosario plays there for Houston with a big offensive upside. Gold Cup MVP Julian de Guzman has also showed flashes of brilliance pushing forward in this position, even though he is supposed to be a defensive midfielder. De Rosario could played on the wing to allow for a stronger defensive core in the middle of the field. To muddy things up, you have Atiba Hutchinson and Adrian Serioux who could both legitimately compete for that spot. Issey Nakajima-Farran or Tomasz Radzinski are candidates for the wing who have excellent speed.

In defense, Stalteri will captain the team and should probably be playing wide. Mike Klukowski's play has really impressed on the left side recently, especially against the Brazil friendly in May, and he should fill in the other wing. Kevin McKenna's work with helping promote Cologne to the German to tier and MLS all-star Jim Brennan's efforts for Toronto FC should be enough to place them in the middle of defense.

Making a goalkeeping choice will be a tougher call. Pat Onstad has played well in both the MLS and his appearances for Canada recently. Over the last year he has taken the reins on more than a few occasions due to injuries to Toronto FC's number one keeper Greg Sutton. It should be Onstad's position to lose.

My starting 11
Onstad
Stalteri Brennan McKenna Klukowski
Radzinski Hutchinson de Guzman De Rosario
Friend Gerba

CANADA ROSTER (from Sportsnet.ca)

Goalkeepers: Greg Sutton, Hamilton, Toronto FC (MLS); Pat Onstad, Vancouver, Houston Dynamo (MLS).

Defenders: Mike Klukowski, Oshawa, Ont., Club Brugge KV (Belgium); Kevin McKenna, Calgary, FC Koeln (Germany); Jim Brennan, Toronto, Toronto FC (MLS); Richard Hastings, Vancouver, Inverness Caledonian Thistle (Scotland).

Defender-Midfielders: Daniel Imhof, Smithers, B.C., VfL Bochum (Germany); Adrian Serioux, Toronto, FC Dallas (MLS), Paul Stalteri (capt.), Brampton, Ont., Tottenham (England).

Midfielders: Julian de Guzman, Toronto, Deportivo La Coruna (Spain); Issey Nakajima-Farran, Calgary, FC Nordsjlland (Denmark); Atiba Hutchinson, Brampton, Ont., FC Copenhagen (Denmark); Patrice Bernier, Brossard, Que., FC Nordsjlland (Denmark).

Midfielder-Forwards: Tomasz Radzinski, Toronto, Skoda Xanthi (Greece); Dwayne De Rosario, Toronto, Houston Dynamo (MLS).

Forwards: Ali Gerba, Montreal, Milton Keynes Dons (England); Rob Friend, Kelowna, B.C., Borussia Moenchengladbach (Germany); Iain Hume, Brampton, Ont., Barnsley FC (England).

Jose can see

UPDATE: Roy does it again...

Roy Keane, the former Manchester United skipper and Old Trafford folk hero, has tipped Chelsea to prevent United from securing back-to-back Premier League titles.

On the eve of the new season the Sunderland manager has revealed his 'gut feeling' that Chelsea will prove to be too strong this term, not least because of the addition of new coach Luis Felipe Scolari, but also because United are lacking a striker.
Geez, you're making me blush.
-----------------------------------------------------

Relating to my Prem Prediction post, it seems Jose Mourinho has made a similar analysis. Either that or he reads my blog and steals my thoughts.

From ESPN Soccernet...
And in dismissing Arsenal as contenders he may well have annoyed old adversary Arsene Wenger especially as he sees Tottenham possibly usurping their North London rivals.

"...but Tottenham surely have the quality to fight for a top-four finish."

...

And Mourinho had comforting words for the frustrated fans of Newcastle United: "I cannot really say who the surprise team will be - but year after year we always wait for a better Newcastle."
Thanks for your backing Jose.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Galaxy Sinemas


The Galaxy Cinemas in downtown Saskatoon is a scourge on our city. It is a giant green STD on the clitoris of our downtown. It an insanity inducing emporium of whatever the opposite of delight is. It is a candy factory with raw sewage inputs. It is a idling vehicle in the garage of splendor. It is a sea of 6-pack plastic holders. It is a mountain of garbage.

Why the hell are we all brainwashed to go to that place? Because it is new? Because they have nice seats? I can counter anything good that is said about that theater with 8 things that make me want to tear my thumb off.

I have a bad experience nearly every time I go to that place. The latest thing to set me off was this weekend when we tried to go to Pineapple Express, which I really wanted to see. I accept that is was busy and sold out and Step Brothers was awesome anyway. However, 3 of the automated machines were busted. Which means everyone is lined up out the doors of the place. So I'm in line to talk to real live human beings (though I wouldn't be surprised if they were robots). There are only 2 tills open and a third is being occupied by a 16 year old girl who is chatting with her boyfriend. And the best part? She is in training! That's right, with two regular employees next to her, she was goofing off while I waited in line hoping for someone to walk over and slap her. And of course right when I get up to one of the tills, she opens hers back up to speed people through. Expletive!

And I don't know how they do it, but at all times, and I mean ALL TIMES, there is 16 person deep lineup for the concession. We went on a Sunday night one time to see Pirates 3 (the Caribbean one), and they had only one till open with, you guessed it, 16 people lined up. That delay resulted in us getting a seat in the front two rows. This Saturday was no exception. And thank God Heather was the one in line because I would have snapped when the till broke down and they spent 10 minutes trying to get the register open. And when we went to see Dark Knight, Brad spent probably 20 minutes in the frozen yogurt line. Expletive!

The staff there is useless and clueless. Maybe it is because of the labour shortage and all they can find in 16 year old dimwits. I don't know how it can take so long to get a popcorn when you have two people manning a till. This is not rocket science. They should be able to fire people through the lineups in short order. But can they? No. Expletive!

And how about parking. I can't believe people are actually desperate enough to pay to go see movies there. Especially when you get a pay parking lot with craters comparable to ones on the East side of the moon. And if you fuck it up with paying. You are going to get a ticket costing you one of your livers. Thankfully Saskatoon hasn't figured out that a block away parking is free and available. Expletive!

Oh, and I forgot about this piece de resistance. They have another automated ticket dispensing terminal. Where did they put it you ask? In the freaking entrance. So they have 3 that are busted inside and a working one in the entrance you can use when its minus forty this winter with cigarette smoke drifting in. Expletive!

And all this pain and punishment while there is another perfectly good theater that would appreciate our business in Circle mall. Sure the seats might not be as good, but parking is plenty and it is not a zoo. And it's cheaper.

I am calling for a COMPLETE BAN on Galaxy cinemas. Their incompetent business practices have driven me out. I WILL NOT ATTEND THIS THEATER AGAIN. EVER!

Prem Predictions


I have put a lot of thought into this, so much so that I don't remember if I have any children or not.

This is the word according to Alex...
























Pos2007-082008-09
1 Man Utd Chelsea
2 Chelsea Man Utd
3 Arsenal Liverpool
4 Liverpool Arsenal
5 Everton Tottenham
6 Aston Villa Portsmouth
7 Blackburn Man City
8 Portsmouth Everton
9 Man City Newcastle
10 West Ham Aston Villa
11 Tottenham Blackburn
12 Newcastle Fulham
13 Middlesbrough Sunderland
14 Wigan West Ham
15 Sunderland Middlesbrough
16 Bolton Wigan
17 Fulham Hull
18 Reading West Brom
19 Birmingham Stoke
20 Derby Bolton



Where I think it will be tight is the battle for 2nd b/w Man U and Liverpool. I think Man U is going to drop points at the start of the year that will hurt them, due to the absence of Ronaldo's offense, the fragility of Rooney, and the lack of striking depth (at the moment). Meanwhile, Chelsea is going to take the title thanks to Fat Phil, similar to how Mourinho came in to do the job. Tottenham and Arsenal will battle for the last Champs League spot, maybe until the last day like in 2005-06. Positions 6-11 should be a good battle and could be a mix up of my predictions, but I like Portsmouth this year. Newcastle should show that they have been underperforming in recent years and climb the table. I think Fulham and Sunderland are the most improved teams and they will finish far above the bottom seven. Bolton is heading for the drop big time with Hull eking it out.

Failure

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Fan Bans

From ESPN, a list of bans in the new NFL spectator code of conduct...

• Behavior that is unruly, disruptive, or illegal.

• Drunkenness and signs of alcohol impairment that result in irresponsible behavior.

• Foul or abusive language or obscene gestures.

• Interference with the progress of the game, including throwing objects onto the field.

• Failing to follow instructions of stadium personnel.

• Verbal or physical harassment of fans from the opposing team.

Holy crap do rules like this contrast starkly with European soccer.

For me, I enjoy having a somewhat civilized approach to spectating sports (granted opposing fans to the Riders may not feel the same way.) But there is no comparison to soccer in Europe. There are no riot police on constant standby at NFL/CFL games. There is no division of opposing fans into sections of the stadium, separated by giant plexiglass dividers. There is no police escort of the opposing team's fans to the stadium. There is no restriction on the opposing team's fans from leaving the stadium at the same time as the home team's fan. There is no passport checks to buy tickets for games. You can buy tickets at the stadium and not at a separate location blocks away the first day you get into Rome and have no idea what's going on.

Having said that, the insanity of a major soccer game in Europe is amazing. Granted, a large number of deaths have resulted through the years of fan violence. The most recent shakeup coming about a week after we left Italy in 2006 when fan rioting resulted in a police officer being killed. It doesn't seem like things have changed much though. There is always a big worry of things getting out of hand when the big clubs meet in Champions League. If they had to live by the rules above, from what I saw in Italy anyway, there would be rioting in the streets... Oh wait, they do that already anyway.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Quote of the day

"Maybe I should drink more so that I think fast food is good."
-Heather (the hungover day after whilst eating DQ fries)

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Fourvre

Update: Looks like Favre's burning desire to play is not so scalding after all, as it is reported he is seriously considering staying retired for this cash payout. What a joke.

From Sportsnet.ca...

WTMJ-TV (Channel 4) in Milwaukee reported that during the meeting, Murphy presented Favre and Cook with an offer in which the Packers would compensate Favre in the area of $20 million over the next 10 years in order to remain retired.
Are you kidding me? They are trying to protect his "legacy." But lets be honest here, this is a giant clusterfuck and his legacy is big time tarnished now. Apparently he won't even meet with the Jets or Bucs, likely in an attempt to avoid getting traded to them. He wants to return to a contender and to be released from the Packers. Should have thought of these things before you signed the long term contract, Brett, and hey, maybe retiring and changing your mind, TWICE, isn't the best move either.

So now he is going to be a baby and perhaps force the Packers to trade him to a division rival. Nothing says legacy like walking into Lambeau this season wearing another team's uniform.

Mark my words here, karma will prevail. Favre will start for another team this year, but he is going to get knocked out. His streak will be gone and so will his health. Just watch.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Stupid Snacks

So, get this. I have four snacks for my afternoon, a banana, a yogurt, a sunrype fruit bar and a kraft handisnack (the one with the cheese and breadsticks). Normally, I take one of the non-raspberry yogurts, because that is Heather's favorite. But since it was sitting there this morning and she didn't take it, I decided it was fair game. Now, I don't know if it's karma or what, but I go to eat it this afternoon, give it a customary shake, and yogurt starts to fly. A small opening on the side sprayed yogurt all over my desk. I'm sure I even missed cleaning it all up. Probably have some in my hair à la Ben Still in Something About Mary.

So, whatever, clean up, no big deal. Can't eat that yogurt if its not sealed. But got 3 snacks left. Life goes on.

So now I go to the Kraft Handisnack. Interestingly, yesterday, I was chided 1 of the 8 breadsticks. My form is to use two breadsticks at a time and attempt to remove 1/4 of the cheese with every scoop. Logical enough. So with one missing, this made my last scoop a single. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, because it leaves more cheese for the senses and using one breadstick allows better scooping ability and less waste at the end. So I didn't complain to the Kraft Gods.

Maybe they thought I should be rewarded for this act of maturity and understanding. Because today, there was 12 breadsticks crammed into the regular spot reserved for 8. Lucky day right? Nope. They were so crammed, that the plastic was torn off and all the breadsticks were brittle and stale, but somehow softish at the same time. I tried one and deemed it edible and decided to proceed since the cheese is compartmentalized and was still sealed. However, when I tried to scoop with the breadsticks, the cheese seemed very hard and the breadsticks were all breaking. I decided to abandon ship.

The weird thing is, I would have really thought I would notice the breadsticks when I grabbed them in the morning. My theory is that there was some breadstick fornication going on in my lunch bag, followed by breadstick birth. I don't know, something about breadsticks getting it on seems a little gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Now I'm down to two snacks. And I must say, the two black sheep snacks of my lunch family.

Friday, July 25, 2008

MLS All Star Game

In my ongoing series of "nobody likes soccer, shut up!", I will blog about last nights MLS all star game, where the MLS All Stars took to the field playing against EPL side West Ham United.

The game was great for many reasons. First, the MLS team, as it has done the last 3 years, won against strong British competition by a score of 3-2. Secondly, not only did they win, they won in style. By the end of the game, they were dominating every aspect of the game.

And how about DeRo? Don't even get me started. Another game winning goal from the most exciting player ever in the MLS, after having won the penalty. A penalty that was smacked so hard that it hit the bar twice and then rebounded to hit the top of the net. Easily the best pure strength penalty I've ever seen. Too bad he only got 35 minutes last night; but to still have competed at that level after playing a full game the night before and traveling in the early morning is amazing. But I don't expect any less from Canada's best player.

Beckham's crosses were the most dangerous and he nearly connected on a few shots / free kicks. Landon Donovan disappointed and didn't do much other than give up the ball. Hejduk should have been substituted long before he was after making rash challenges and mediocrity (once running the ball right out of bounds with nobody around him). Everybody else played pretty well and I'm sure West Ham will be very frustrated with how the later stages of the game turned out. Though of course, they are lacking full match fitness, being only in preseason shape.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Comedy is funny

And Jimmy Kimmel is comedy


Unnecessary Censorship Sesame Street Edition - Watch more free videos

Mario Mario and Luigi Mario

So many people need to be beaten up in this video (other than O'Reilly of course)

Armstead released

from tsn.ca...

The Alouettes also announced the releases of return specialist Jason Armstead...
Hmmm, I wonder why?

Friday, July 18, 2008

Big News

Did you see the story about me on CNN this morning?

Apparently it only took me 59 minutes.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Rabid Roy

Update: did I mention that I think 'Sir' Alex Ferguson is a complete douchebag and Spurs' chairman is absolutely right?

Though I mostly looked at him as a prima donna off the field (from seemingly putting personal grievances with the Irish Manager before the 2002 World Cup and subsequently not playing) and a rabid maniac on it (see video below), I have rather lightened up to his thoughts as a manager.

After weighing in on players not wanting to play for teams in smaller English centres and the role of WAGs (wives and girlfriends) influencing where players play (which, as you can guess as an Oiler fan, hits close to home), he has now put forward intelligent thoughts on the transfer of players. He explains how transfer of players, and hence club loyalty, is a two way street. A club can renege on their loyalty by selling players just as player can by requesting a ticket out of town (or in some cases, across town).

In the soccer world, things work a little different than we are used to with hockey. There are big clubs and little clubs. Big clubs are successful and have lots of money and little clubs fight to stay alive with the scraps they have. So naturally, there is a consistent flow of quality players to the big clubs. Maybe in the pre-salary cap days of the NHL, we could look to the New York Rangers as one of the resource gobblers of the league. However, they were always making trades or signing free agents to get their players. There is a strict adherence to a player's contract, by both team and player.

Contrast this with soccer where if a player wants to leave a club to which he is contracted to, all he has to do is make his wish known. Very seldom do you hear about a player being unhappy and not being transferred to another team. Similarly, if a big club wants a player, they will announce it and more often than not, that player will express interest in the move. A few of the recent exceptions might be C. Ronaldo where there are two mega-clubs vying for him and Sergio Aguero with Athletico Madrid nixing a move to Man U. due to his content in Spain. But when a player signs a 4 year contract, I just laugh, because what does that really mean for me, the fan? He could be there 4 years or 4 months. Who knows.

It makes you wonder what the soccer system would be like with NHL type rules. Maybe it wouldn't be all that different for clubs in the long run. They have bargaining power for the fee they demand for their players and can in turn buy other players with this cash. But this often isn't the case. Whereas trades in hockey have similar bargaining potential, both teams are vying for assets to help their team on the ice, ie, to win. In soccer, cash in hand in one direction might not translate to anything other than lining owners' or stock holders' pockets. They aren't getting instant returns for selling players, they have to go out and find other ones.

This type of system ensures whoever has the cash will have the trophies. In the 16 years of the English Premier League, only 4 teams have won the title. And one of those was an early aberration in history with Blackburn taking the title in 1994-95.

As a fan, this system can be very frustrating if you aren't going for a big club. To often see your best players being shipped out would be so disheartening.

In completely unrelated news, Man U are thought to be shopping for Berbatov.


Watch More Videos       Uploaded by www.bebo.com/Derek-Mc

Monday, July 14, 2008

The big pictureski

This is apparently every frame from the big lebowski in one picture. I looked at it and that is not true. However, it may be captures for every 1 second. Of course there are 29.97 frames per second in NTSC so this is probably 1/29.97th of the entire movie in pictures.

If you have memorized the movie dialogue (like I have) and if your eyes can scan fast enough, it's like watching the movie. Though, if you did that, they would all laugh at you.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Tanking Advantage

Is beer with breakfast taboo? Not anymore.

GW is having a charity BBQ all week, serving pancakes, sausages and ... BEER! Imagine my surprise/delight to know that I can drink for charity. And at only 4$ for breakfast and beer, this is cheaper than drinking at the bar. Who would even want to leave a wonderland like that?

For good times, see the details here.

Heather and I will be there at some point on Friday morning.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Brian Austin Avery

Green and hottie:

Avery and hottie:

Holy macaroni. Is it just me, or does Brian Austin Green look exactly like Sean Avery? And this isn't a slight resemblance here, this is full blown twins separated at birth style. Even their dating styles are similar. The only thing that would clinch it is if Green were as big a douchebag as Avery.

Hey, speaking of Avery the douchebag:

Shitwood?

From Sportsnet's CFL Power Rankings for week 2, regarding the poor play of Winnipeg's kicker Alex Serna...

Bite the bullet and bring back Troy Westwood as a punter.
Oh please God let this happen. Because it the Bombers arent' already the laughing stock of the season, this will be sure to clinch it.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Pick up lines

my favorites:
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job?
Her: No.
Do you want to do lunch?

Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. He'd like your phone number. He wants to know where he can get a hold of me in the morning.

the rest here.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Speechless

While Mats Sundin has yet to make a decision on his playing future, sources are telling Sportsnet that the Vancouver Canucks have offered the Swedish centre a deal of $20 million over two years.

I thought my dad said that they offered him 5$ million a year, this is just ridiculous. It would make him the highest paid player in the NHL!

There are going to be some sad faces in Toronto I think.

(and I'm not talking about the fact that they paid 3.5$ million for Jeff Finger. Jeff Finger!)

Monday, June 30, 2008

Uhhhhhmmm, yeah

Holy crap I almost feel guilty for enjoying most of this. Apparently this was a pilot for Wonder Showzen, which is something from MTV. More here.


http://view.break.com/528276 - Watch more free videos

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Sneak Attack

poacher.

Big Lebowski Action Figures



I think the picture says it all.

I can't wait until Christmas.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Ask The Ref

I know strange things can happen on the pitch (2006 World Cup Final), so I am not going to suggest these questions are retarded. However, imagining them actually occurring is quite amusing and it is funny to think someone is actually wondering these things.

The BBC is running a feature where strange questions get asked to Keith Hackett, the Premier League referees' chief. You can view them here:

An interesting development has revealed that if either a mascot/fan/anyone else who isn't a player OR an object prevents the game ball from entering the goal, the ball is considered dead and there would be a drop ball from the point of interference.

Some of my favorites (my nicknames):
Pigeon Hold:
"What would happen if, for example, Jens Lehmann of Germany was being attacked by five pigeons while he was in goal and Phillipe Senderos decides to shoot from 50 yards for Switzerland and scores? Would this goal stand?"

Flying O:
"What would happen if 6 players were to make a circle formation around the ball and run with the ball into the opposing team's goal? Would the goal stand?"

Be-footed:
"Suppose that Holland are playing Spain in the semi-final, and Holland have a corner. The corner is swung in, and a goalmouth scramble follows in which Van Nistelrooy's foot is accidentally trodden on, and his boot almost comes off his foot. When the ball falls in front of him, he kicks his foot out and his boot flies off, hits the ball and knocks it into the goal.
Is it a goal? If not, do you caution him?"