Friday, August 31, 2007

Bulging brain, broken mind

Far from trying to irk Liverpool fans, but forget this game and the result and take in the extra-turbo-exuberance of the analyst on the GolTV broadcast. I'm not sure who this guy is, but we used to have GolTV for a while and these guys would do La Liga coverage on Sunday afternoons. You would put the volume down where you thought it was comfortably low and then this douchebag would start whooping up a storm because Beckham made a cross or something.

This dude has to be a Liverpool fan.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

A Great Idea: Herpes

On facebook, for your status, you could say: "Alex is - wishing herpes was cureable." Then everyone will think you have herpes and will be curious / frightened by your candor with your STD(I). But in reality, you don't have herpes, you just say that you are pro-herpes cure, what is wrong with that?!

I don't know, it just seems funny. Herpes. Yeah.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A Great Idea: Cap Locks

Instead of calling it "Caps Lock," call it "Cap Locks."

I don't know, it just kind of sounds cooler. Cap Locks. Yeah.

Sweet Carolina

Jimmy Kimmel's breakdown on why there shouldn't be beauty pageants that attempt to discover nugget's of knowledge in a brain the size of a chicken McNugget. (Also, there shouldn't be clothes. I'm just sayin' is all.)

Monday, August 27, 2007

I am James Woods

First comes the golf, then comes the fame, then comes the sugar... Something like that.

I guess my golfing exploits are finally paying off and I've caught my big break. I mean, it was no easy task golfing a nice +18 on the first six holes at Greenbryre on Saturday to then go the next 7 holes at only +1 and all the while losing 9 golf balls. But my hard work playing mario golf at home paid off and the press finally gave me some attention on the par 3 17th Saturday evening. A photog for the SP was snapping for a story on how awesome I was at golf, or something, I wasn't really paying attention.

Anyway, the article can be found here:

You will clearly notice the ball's direct line of travel toward the pin in the photo. That, my friends, was no fluke. Let's omit the fact that I 3 putted for a double bogey from 12 feet shortly after.

And in similar folklore, probably what tipped the press to my prominence on the fairways was this pic, taken by Jamin's girlfriend Amanda, where I can be seen posterizing the featured 6th hole at Spiritwood GC. This is the hole where you tee off over a small lake. The average man would probably lay off on the fairway to the right of this long par 5, but clearly that was not an option for me. As you can see with sharp eyes, I have determinedly driven straight for the green.

Nevermind that I never saw that ball again, sometimes you need to lose your balls in order to prove you have balls to begin with. And sometimes when your balls get wet, you can use your stick to fish them out of the water before putting them in the hole. What I'm trying to say is that there are many sexual euphemisms in golf, which is never aided by golfing the 9 hole Heather at Moon Lake with drunkards... as it was for the Vecima Golf Tournament, or as it is known around here: The International Alex vs. Alex Day of Wreckoning.

A subsequent safe drive on this last hole above resulted in a decision to go for the green in a mortal two, which would have been successful had my ball not impaled the soggy ground 5 yards short of the green. The ball was completely burried below ground. Ryan, what's the ruling on that? Unplayable with drop? Because my first attempt at playing as it lied resulted in me digging it even deeper.

God I hate golf.

Poor Miss South Carolina

This should cheer her up a little.

Ryan's videos

Ryan, here are the videos you have requested (The second one is me in a recent futsal match while I tested my new wig):

Phone Sex In An Elevator - Watch more free videos

Awesome Goal Kick - Watch more free videos

Friday, August 24, 2007

Footy Fantasy

Now I'm not one to brad, but holy shit am I ever awesome! My astute premiership game predicting skills put me into at tie for fourth place overall after the first week of The Score's footy fantasy league.

I have my eye on winning the weekly prize this week, which just happens to be a Liverpool jersey, not that I would wear it. I wonder who I could donate it to? Oh, I just don't know.



My place.


9ish PM.

Let's get it on.

Heating up

Whoah, two posts in one day! Getting out of control!

I signed Stephen Colbert's cast, because I am cool and he likes me. You can do it too at

'Bout Time

So probably time for another post just to make sure I haven't abandoned this portal of uselessness. Here is a link to the top 100 sports beatdown's courtesy of ESPN:

It is a sportsman's article, check that, American sportsman's article. It's mostly baseball and college football, but some of the good ones, ie. hockey, (#92 baby) are also accompanied by video links: #65, #86, #61 (that's it, back to Winnipeg!), #32 (yeah, bitch).

And the one that is missing, very ominously, is one found in the comments:
"9 and 8 - Tiger Woods trouncing Stephen Ames in matchplay." I'm pretty sure Tiger told him on the first tee box: I'm going to make you my bitch.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

TSN's broadcast schedule

Though this won't be the same as Pronger's first visit back, in fact, I'm not sure how I'm going to feel. Probably just sip a beer and cry. But for all those quasi-former-Smytty lovers, here is his first trip back to Edmonton (on TSN):

Tuesday, October 23 Colorado @ Edmonton 7:30pm MT

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Mind the blocker

You would think that out of everyone, punters would be the ones to keep their heads up while running down the field. Either that, or just not run down the field at all. Just say "Fuck it" and run backwards. Because you know that everyone on the return team is looking for the punter lazily jogging down the field with his eyes gazing longingly at the ball. It's like, what football player wouldn't want to crank the skinny white guy? Similar to in real life, who wouldn't want to punt the small yappy dog?

But seriously, this was a helmet to helmet hit that should be suspended. Guy lost his head for heaven's sake.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

So Long, Rat Face

The Brad Pitt of hockey has retired. His sexy greasy mullet will be missed by 1980's hockey fans everywhere. If ever there is a hair exhibit at the HHOF, Ricci will be there.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Poker Results

Royal Sampler take 5 failed yet again to reveal any samplers and the theme will be pushed back yet again.

Final results (thanks to my bad beat on Shannon's better straight) were:
1. Blair
2. Shannon
3. Moi
4. Duncan
Loser. Ryan

Participants needed. Apply within.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


What's It Gonna Be?