Friday, December 22, 2006

Cartmas in Canada

VOTE FOR SMITH

Now, you might think I am talking about all-star power-forward Ryan SmYth, but I'm not. I am talking about should-be-all-star Jason SmIth.

Do you know who has the number 1 penalty kill in the league? The Oilers

Do you know who bears the brunt of that penalty kill time and has the 4th most blocked shots in the league (2nd most in the Western Conference) and who leads the Oilers in hits with 62? Jason Smith



So let's make this clear. Fuck Rory Fitzpatrick. Vote for a real hockey player.

http://www.nhl.com/allstarballot/index.html#vote

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Real mature, guys

Liverpool's Carling Cup game was postponed due to fog. Pansy's probably would have dived and started writhing on the ground in "pain" if the head ref would have charged at them.

I think we found the bitch in this group

Jon, at least you can say we've never done this to you.

Super Flashlight

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Masterpiece

My favorite is the "duh-duh-duh DUH, duh-duh-duh diddle-do-do" part.

Faucets for Dummies

From Gizmodo...

This could quite possibly be the world’s first color changing faucet — built-in LEDs change colors based on the water temperature. There is also “precise control” for baths, sinks, and showers.
Now if they could only do that to my urine!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Don't give this gift to your Grandma

Thanks Jon, this is too damn funny not to continue sharing it. Every living thing should give props.

Rumour Mill

I don't like starting rumours, but after what happened Saturday night, I think it might be something that should be discussed. I have a feeling that my rye and cokes at the Christmas party were being spiked with alcohol. I'm as shocked as anyone. I will do my best to make sure that doesn't ever happen again.



ps, Ryan and I concluded, the proper term for this sport is "Christmas Tree Guitar", not "Air Christmas Tree" or "Air Guitar Tree"

Friday, December 15, 2006

Barthez, thanks for the memories

Upon signing Edwin Van der Sar to a new contract, Sir Alex says that:

"Edwin is the best goalkeeper we have had since Peter Schmeichel"
Well I'm not sure if that's true...

We have a Wiener

Time magazine is picking its photo of the year. I choose this one, if nothing else, for it's championing of the handicapped. Here, they have a disabled person in a Cooper helmet and his blue pajamas guiding the horse into the pool. This proves that mentally-challenged people can perform dangerous, concussion/crotch-risking work just like anyone else. Bravo Timmy.

Think of how much better Aragorn will look, Heather

For those of you who don't know, Heather has a thing for Aragorn. I'm referring to the LOTR character, not the whats-his-face actor who plays him in the movie. It wouldn't have mattered if Tom Cruise had played Aragorn, she still would have found him hot. And believe me, Heather does not find Tom Cruise hot. That was an awkward threesome.

Anyway, this is proof in non-pudding form that the HD experience should be... experienced. Being that I am in the process of getting marital consent for the necessary purchases, the sexiness of the Lord of the Rings quality / Aragorn hotness in the link below should be more ammunition for me.

http://www.cornbread.org/FOTRCompare/index.html

Nintendo Time

Bringing a new meaning to the term "playing Blades of Steel."

Sexy Time

Well, this should wrap up the Borat fun... until the first of 9 sequels I'm sure.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Downer

Wow, thanks Ryan. As if it's not enough that I never have anyone to celebrate my birthday with (liquidity wise), you felt the need to point out that I also won't be spending my birthday with a million dollars spread around me naked on my hotel bed. No, I wasn't planning on convincing Heather to let me sleep with a MILF that was going to pay a million dollars for a night in the sack, I'm referring to the Million Dollar Shootout/Conspiracy:

Jason Hall is having his best Christmas ever. The 29-year-old registered nurse was randomly selected from more than three million entries for a chance to become an instant millionaire in a shootout contest on television. The London, Ont., resident will be the inaugural Chevy Silverado Million Dollar Shootout participant during the first intermission of the Calgary at Vancouver NHL game on Dec. 27
Sure, my chances were 6,000 to 1, but this was supposed to be destiny. I could have put Saskatoon on the map! I could have told the Flames in person that we didn't want their stupid preseason game. That they could make the Yukon Flames territory. I could have slapped Iginla in the face with a stack of one hundred dollar bills. But most of all, I could have been rich. Richer than God. Is that too much to ask?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Please, put me out of my misery

I am on the verge of conceding the hockey pool. After getting a record 25 points on Saturday and boosting my hopes of at least coming back to beat Brad, it all comes crashing down to earth.

Last night I shit the bed. Half my players score.

And then tonight... Please tell me how offensive powerhouses Simon Gagne and Evegni Malkin, whose teams combined for 12 goals, are held off the score sheet. They both were a team worst -2. Kyle Calder got a point for God's sake! He scored his first goal in 28 games. Slow clap for you, Coulman. Let me get you a spoon, so you can eat my ass.

This can only be blamed on luck. I have bad luck. The rest of my competitors have good luck. Good night, and good luck.

Joe tells it like it is

Joe sees a spade:

Go Panthers!

In an insult to my family, my pride, and my heritage classic, the Calgary Flames CEO has stated the following:

"We are extremely appreciative of the support we receive from Saskatchewan and are proud to consider the province Flames territory," said Flames President and CEO Ken King.
BULLSHIT!

I'd like to see a poll taken on the subject. If anything, it's split 50 fucking 50. SO, this cheap gimmick to attempt to lure gullible hockey fans from Saskatchewan to see the stupid Flames play during the regular season should be rejected in all counts. It is simply an attempt by the city of Calgary to prop up their tourism industry. Like what the fuck are they doing? Trying to play NHL Risk and conquer foreign soil? What's next, Montana?

Of course I am referring to the fact that there will be a preseason game in Saskatoon next September. As cool as that actually is, it is the Flames vs. the Panthers. As per my previous anger, I will boycott the game in an attempt to show this is not "Flames territory." I call on all other self respecting hockey fans to do the same. Let's stampede their asses out of town.

In the news

From cbc.ca ...

In what Winnipeg police are calling a first, two teenagers face charges based on video evidence gathered from a website.

The video, which showed cars racing at high speeds down Winnipeg streets, was uploaded to YouTube.com in the summer. Several people who downloaded the video complained to police.

Const. Jacqueline Chaput said Wednesday that police consulted the Crown before laying charges. She said traffic officers are regularly monitoring YouTube for other postings of illegal activity.
So let that be a lesson to you youtubers out there, especially you, Brad and Jon. Because now you know those videos of you guys could result in some indecent sodomy charges.

Some Great New Ads



And some classics:

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

That would be some kind of parade

http://matthewgood.org/2006/12/evict-me/

Kramerican Psycho

Spot On Lads!

It is absolutely true, this is comical. You get angry at someone for diving, so you push him, he dives again, and then he comes at you and you dive? WHAT THE FUDGE!?

If this doesn't prove that soccer is for a bunch of panty fairies, then I don't know what is. And I will reiterate, something needs to be done about diving, because as much as they say it is in the rules to punish it, they don't. The referee will only punish a dive if he is 100% certain that the player has dived. I applaud Graham Poll for doing this on Saturday, catching Bernardo Corradi, and resulting in a sending off, but it is all to rare.

I will also reiterate that I am a footballer (read: soccer player) and therefore a panty fairy, don't bother pointing out this irony to me. At least I'm not a swimmer.



EXPOSING A DIVER - Bernardo Corradi (to come later)

Math IS fun

Monday, December 11, 2006

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Down to the Quad

Do you think Vecima will support this club if I start it? I know Paul is in.

Round One.... FIGHT!

Friday, December 08, 2006

Office Space Recut



And another I had not yet seen:

Hey KD, what are you doing Saturday?

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Royal Sampler Poker Night Wrap-up

Results:



Photos:



Notes: Ryan owes me $11 for paying his debt (+ $10 for the Christmas Party tickets)

3 Parseks later...

Bad Start to December

So here's the list of me getting raped so far this month:

-Somehow I got charged like 50 times by Trenitalia (Italian train service) on my credit card. I've never bought anything from them, though I have perused their website from time to time due to our upcoming trip to Italy. Either my PC was hacked and my credit card info stolen or Expedia is lending out my credit card number to a lot of train passengers. I had the charges removed, but now I have had to cut up my credit card and I'm starting from scratch again. Once I find the perp, they are going to wish I used lube.

-I didn't win the Shoot for a Million. So now I'm just going to be even more depressed on my birthday when I'm not in Vancouver trying to win a million dollars. Stupid TSN.

-I didn't win poker last night.

-My stupid knee is sore for reasons unknown.

-There weren't any unfrozen muffins this morning.

-My doctor said it isn't supposed to bend like that.

-The idiot didn't blend the crowbar:


More disappointments to come, I'm sure.

This is just fun

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Spore Repore



Scrap Metal Anyone?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Britney Spears' Vagina

Not really

Monday, December 04, 2006

Weekend Hockey Highlights

The Good:



The Bad/Ugly/Kill Ovechkin:


Probably the dirtiest hit this year, outdoing Liles' knee on knee on Smytty. Now they are saying Ovechkin might only get a fine for that! WHAT THE FUCK!? Does anyone remember Erik Cole getting his neck broke last year? Replay after replay and analysis after analysis consistently condemned Orpik for the hit and he was then suspended 3 games, which is still too lenient. Dan got 8 games in soccer for a hit from behind into the boards (though that was reduced to 3 games, Dan, you're a goon).

So basically the NHL is saying, the victim's injury is going to decide the punishment for the crime. Briere could have lost his head! Why should it take a guy in a wheelchair or neck brace to determine whether a guy should be suspended or not? Hits like that deserve 5 games at least, in my opinion.

It seems that the NHL is also saying that if you are a superstar, you can get away with shit like that. Lost in all this is the fact that Briere is a superstar too, despite what stupid Jim Matheson of the Edmonton Journal says:

Never mind Rick DiPietro getting that ridiculous 15-year, $67-million deal in Long Island from his boss Charles Wang. How about the arbitrator handing Buffalo's Daniel Briere $5 million US this season off 58 points last year? You think he's worth that? You think Briere, while feisty and quick, will get as many points as Jersey's Scott Gomez, who got $5M US, too, from a salary judge? Me neither.

I nearly shit my pants when I read this at the beginning of the season. Not just because I love Danny Briere and I think he should have made the last World Cup and Olympic teams(he clicked with Heatley in the 2004 Worlds (2g, 6a, 8pts) and at the 2003 Worlds), but because this Matheson joker completely ignores that Briere only played in 48 games due to a hernia removal. He was on pace for 99 points if he played the full 82 game schedule, which would have been good for 8th spot in the league. Gomez, meanwhile, had 84 respectable points in a full 82 games. Maybe Matheson can't do math (which would be ironic).

Oh and should we ignore the fact that Briere had 8 G and 11 A for 19 points in 18 playoff games last spring, too?

So far this year, Briere has 10G, 20A for 30 points in 26 games (+5), while Gomez has 3 G, 12 A for 15 points in 17 games (-2). The fact that Buffalo is an offensive powerhouse (113 goals for, 1st in the league) and New Jersey is not (62 goals for, last in the Eastern Conference), only gives further credence to Briere's case. Lastly, Briere has to compete for ice time (especially power play) on a team that is very deep at the center position (Drury, Roy, etc.). Gomez does not have this problem (Parise, Madden, etc.).

Briere will keep up to and likely put up better numbers than Gomez. If anything, Briere is underpaid this season if you are comparing him to Scott Gomez.

Jim Matheson, you should be fired for your indiscretions and slander! Someone who is in the Hockey Hall of Fame for this kind of stuff should be better than this.

More fuel for the fire:




Inter-Animal Face Humping

I'm sorry, but if this doesn't brighten your day, I don't know what will. A pig and bat?

Shoot for a Million

I got all depressed this morning because I thought I had lost out on TSN's Shoot for a Million. They said they were making the draw on December 6 at 9:00 AM and here I was, waiting by the phone, and nothing.

But lo and behold, it turns out that today is NOT December 6, instead it is the 4th. It is amazing what a calendar will tell you when you don't switch it to the next month.

So now I am all happy and optimistic again. I will be there, in Vancouver, on December 27th (my birthday), in front a crowd full of winter-weather-handling-disabled urbanites shooting my way to a million dollars. I didn't win the free day off for my charitable donations at work, so it is destiny that I win this.

The next step will be to learn how to use a hockey stick.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Dear Gas Man 2

UPDATE: I have updated the totals owed for Calgary trip gas money. Don't count on me forgetting. EVER.

And, Brad, you owe me 5$ for McDonalds on Tuesday.


Dear Gas Man. Went to Aspin. Sorry about the money.
Would you like to know how much you owe for Calgary-ing a weekend before last? Here are the totals:



PS, Coul-Dog, did I owe you money for any reason? I have a sneaking suspicion.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Dear Brent...

It may be a cliché, but neverless, FUCK YOU!

This is what Brent sent me this morning in an email:



To understand the burn, please see this.

Well, you can laugh your way right to hell my friend.

And FYI, don't forget this. Or this. Or especially THIS.

ps, or this.

All I want for Christmas is...

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Quiz Time #2

Kevin Coulman won the inaugural Quiz Time, winning 105 Japanese Yen.

Well here we go again!

If you can post a comment with the answer to the following "what the..?", you will win 23 Russian Rubles!

Just figure out what is up with the following statement, and the prize is yours.

From TSN.ca...

The Philadelphia Flyers rewarded forward Mike Knuble with a two-year, US$5.6-million contract extension on Wednesday. Financial terms were not disclosed.

Good Luck!

Kramer-larious





Immature Or Funny? Not Sure

From ESPN Soccernet ...


Argentinian striker Carlos Tevez has been ordered to wear a Brazil shirt in training by his team-mates as punishment for his walk-out at the weekend.

Get The Duck Out Of Here

OH, OH (two step towards climax) AHH! DAMN IT! FUCK!!!! (three steps toward depression)

That basically sums up my night last night after the Oilers blew a two goal lead and gave the game away in the last 17 seconds and overtime.

I had such high hopes. I had my mullet, my Oilers third jersey (which they were also wearing, it should have been a sign), my mickey of rye and hence over-inflated sense of self-confidence to boo Pronger all night long, where did it all go wrong?

Maybe it is karma.

At Pronger's press conference Monday night he had a huge list worth of ass kissing which he thoroughly orated. He praised everyone and everything in Edmonton. They played it during the intermission in the PPV broadcast. If you ask me, it looked like he was reading it from his knees. I won't go as far as to say he was begging forgiveness, because he wasn't, he was simply putting on the "I'll be the better man" face. And for this, perhaps, he was rewarded by the cosmos given the unforgiving reception he received.

I'm not sure it would have mattered what the reason for the trade request was. Whether his wife didn't like the cold or the isolation or that her husband was sleeping around, would it really matter? What self-respecting sports fan would accept those reasons for cutting and running? Pronger knows it and was therefore spewing rhetoric to his advantage to convince the quasi die-hard fans that he just has a big heart.

I don't think anybody seriously hates the guy for leaving for "personal family reasons." Would anybody have spit in his face given the chance? I would like to think that (sober) Oiler fans would react better than that. If any individual left a contract job for the good of their family, most people would say that is a respectable thing to do.

However, Pronger is a public figure in the sports arena and is subject to public scrutiny and judgment. When paying fans get one of the best defensemen in the league and he signs for five years and then leaves amid swirling innuendo and rumours after playing for only one of those five years, should he not be sent to the gallows?

In sports, there is always an accountability to the fan. On and off ice factors contribute to this. It does happen occasionally that players are unhappy and demand trades. Often their performance is even questioned given their desire to part ways with the team and/or city. How should a fan react to this? It doesn't matter where you are, they will react the same. Tell me how much Jonny Damon is loved in Boston right now. Tell me how much Sol Campbell is embraced by Spurs fans still to this day (he doesn't even play for the team he left for, Arsenal, anymore). Tell me how much Chargers fans appreciated Eli Manning on his first visit with the Giants. Tell me how many Burris fans there are left in this province.

To say that Oilers fans have no class for not respecting Chris Pronger and giving him the boo birds is to say that no sports fan on the face of the earth has any class. Show me a place where given the situation, he would be forgiven and forgotten. AND, need I remind anyone, I have watched this several times, when Gretzky returned after being traded he was given a standing ovation for the entire pre-game skate. The ENTIRE skate! No, Oilers fans don't lack class, they are simply self respecting enough to know when they were let down.

Just for fun:


And besides, when this all gets looked back on, Chris Pronger will be able to say to himself that the magnitude of the anger directed his way was simply a testament to his quality. How many people would have cared if Marc-Andre Bergeron did what Pronger did after last years playoffs? I would have been happy. Nobody would have booed Bergeron. Not anymore than they would boo him now, anyway.





I have a right to boo Chris Pronger. We all do. Whether he did left for the right reasons or whether he just couldn't keep it in his pants, he abandoned my team, and in a selfish world, he is a traitor for disappointing me. He will continue to be booed no matter what. I know this. He knows this. He knew this the day he decided to submit his trade request. He made that decision himself.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I Hate To Do It But...

I lied, I don't hate to do it at all! You can call me Dauk all you want, I'm still going to do it. Yeah I'm talking to you Coulman! You are now 5th in the pool, so shut up.

Not only am I predicted to finish first IF there were no injuries to any teams, I am also predicted to finish first WITH the injuries I have already incurred!

Monday, November 27, 2006

If I Ever re-marry (pt. 2)

What's amazing is that the opposing fans are even saluting him. I mean, I've loved the man for so long, it comes as no surprise to me the feats he can pull off. But still, this is so hard and so well executed and so ballsy for even trying. Here he is:

Prong-whore

UPDATE:

Galaxy said as of 3PM today (Monday) there are 189 seats left in the 250 seat theater for the Oilers-Ducks game. The shitty thing is that there is no "cheap Tuesday" pricing for the event, it is $10.95 (yikes). But it should be well worth it, could even go and get lubed up beforehand to generate extra rowdiness.

Who's IN?



BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FUCKING PRONGER!

If you are interested in doing this for three hours tomorrow night at the Galaxy theater, you should let me know. The Oilers are playing the Ducks for the first time in Edmonton and it is only available on Pay Per View (which MAX doesn't have, as far as I know).

I will follow up with seating availability and pricing as soon as I find out.

If I Ever Re-marry...

Pardon the Dutch...

Da Homer S. Show

Prong-whore

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FUCKING PRONGER!

If you are interested in doing this for three hours tomorrow night at the Galaxy theater, you should let me know. The Oilers are playing the Ducks for the first time in Edmonton and it is only available on Pay Per View (which MAX doesn't have, as far as I know).

I will follow up with seating availability and pricing as soon as I find out.

Dear Gas Man

Dear Gas Man. Went to Aspin. Sorry about the money.
Would you like to know how much you owe for Calgary-ing a weekend before last? Here are the totals:



PS, Coul-Dog, did I owe you money for any reason? I have a sneaking suspicion.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Tek Jansen

What a dreamboat!

Be patient, it will load. The comedy takes patience too, appreciation comes afterward. Kind of like ....

In my attempt to remember what the name of the lollipops were that you are supposed to have fun liking your way to the middle of to make a perverse and immature joke, I found this on the Chupa Chupa wikipedia page:

[Chupa Chupa] comes from the Spanish verb chupar, meaning "to suck for fun".
conclusion: I have been able to come up with a new perverse and immature joke.

Share A Little Deke

This Was Fun

Black Thursday



I have heard that some call tomorrow Black Friday, as the American holiday of the Friday following Thanksgiving. I haven't googled to find out if that is true or not, mostly because I want to continue believing that it is because you shit black from all the turkey you eat the day before.

What I am referring to, however, is the fact that I am now last place in my prestigious hockey pool (http://www.thehockeypool.com/cgiNew/DailyStatsPage.cgi?Pool=hello). Even more disastrous is that I now find myself overtaken by Dank of all people! Not to mention being beaten by Faggot Nuts Jon, Mr. Reliable Brad, and Mitch-elle. I think I'm going to be sick. This, compounded by the fact that I am losing to Dank in the fantasy pool and that Curtis beat me out of the hockey picks on Saturday in Calgary means that.... SPEW! I just blew chunks onto the monitor.

What is going on here? I went 2-11 in my last Saturday hockey sports select picks and I think I have only beaten Heather 2 out of 6 weeks in our weekly pick-the-winners hockey contest.

I follow hockey religiously and this is what I get? What kind of backwards-assed logic is that? I must just have the worst luck ever! EVER! That is totally my excuse.

Don't worry, my luck will turn around. I feel it. I will win the chance to shoot for a million on my birthday in Vancouver (http://www.gm.canadiannetstakes.com/). And I will win.

Because really.... its all I have left.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

DisPixelation

from geekologie...

They took a 13 megapixel photo, down rezzed it twice to 8 and 5 megapixels, and then blew them all up to 16x24 prints. They then took the three prints to the streets of New York and had passersby see if they could tell the difference. Turns out only one person correctly put them in order of megapixels - a photography professor - and 95% couldn't even tell the difference. So even though more megapixels sounds better in theory, 5 is pretty much good enough for whatever needs you might have.

Blowing Off Some Steam

From TSN...

Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby will miss Wednesday night's game against Boston because of a sore groin.
It sounds like CDog's draftees are now taking after him. How his habits rub (one) off on his players, I'm not sure, but it's good news for my team. I'm also not sure how excessive beating of the groin can cause you to miss a game, maybe from wrist soreness or forearm strain. In any case, keep up the good circle work, jerk!

Dick Shooting You In The Face?

Hilarious, if you are into the whole American political comedy thing.

David and Goliath

HA! This didn't peak my interest until I heard how tall Nate Robinson is.

(you have to know that Yao is 7 feet tall too)

Mormon Rant

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

My Hero

This is what I perspire to be when I grow up.

Share A Tube Of You



Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Liles Cheapshot

Smytty scored one of the nicest goals of the year last night too with his back to the net he swatted it in out of midair. I would have shown that if it was on youtube too, but it's not.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Borat



Sunday, November 12, 2006

Photo Of The Week


Brad's Birthday 2004
Originally uploaded by alex_ygd.

This is Brad's birthday 2004. My present was a vertical pressuring of the drawers around the anal sphincter muscle, otherwise known as a wedgie. Applied at the right time can really help with the spewing process. Right Brad?

This was a necessary procedure to prevent situations of combined spewing / excreting, which can be quite messy and embarrassing, right Jon?

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Saturday Sport Select Hockey RoundUp

Update: I went 2-11 in total (1-6 in 6 pick). This is just embarassing. I'm going to start recommending to pick the opposite of what I say.



Need a reason or help in betting Sport Select? Here is my breakdown of tonight's games. I like to bet spread on hockey because in Pro-Line, you have to pick pick ties (games that go to shootout) correctly. In Point Spread, you are only picking from two options, which team will cover the spread.

Today, I will be buying two tickets, one with the yellow 6 pick boxes which are my most confident bets (which will fetch 60$ off a 2$ bet) and the remaining games in which I was confident enough to pick a winner (the max you can do is 12 games which fetches $1000 on a 2$ bet).

Here is the breakdown:

Know Who Would Have Been Your Daddy

Alexander Ryback

From ESPN Soccernet...

KIEV, Nov 10 (Reuters) - Dynamo Kiev reserve goalkeeper Oleksander Rybka was taken to hospital on Thursday after being punched in the face by a rival team's coach during a second division match.

Rybka, who suffered concussion and was out of action for several weeks after being hurt in a Champions League match against Real Madrid in September, was playing in goal for Dynamo's reserves.
As many of you know, I use this alias as my professional name, akin to how a pornstar uses the name "Sunrise" or "Mercedes" to conceil their modest roots. Modesty is the key here and I just want you know that I am a professional soccer player and I am among the best in the world and I am better than you. I am awesomely modest.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Woo Hoo!

From TSN.ca Ice Chips:

Marc-Andre Bergeron could be a healthy scratch on Friday. Bergeron was benched for the third period on Wednesday against Detroit and could find himself in the press box for Friday's game in Columbus. - Edmonton Journal
And indeed he is.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Ring A Ding

This is funny because it is so blatant. No beating around the bush here.



This video reminded me of a great prank call series. It's hilarious. This guy so reminds me of C-Dog its not even funny.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I Think She Says Congratulations Really Fast

This is hilarious, watch Faith Hill on the left hand side. She can this kiss my ass, I hate that song.

OW! My Ass!



It's true. My ass hurts. I went for physiotherapy yesterday and had an acupuncture technique called "dry needling" applied up the outside of my left leg. It was being done to cause a band of tissue called the IT band to stop being so tight and buggering up my kneecap. It's very complicated, that's why nobody can fix me, not even Heather.

So, long story short, my physiotherapist takes this needle plunger thing that start jabbing the needle in the same spot at different angles really quickly, over and over. He explained to me that it was supposed to be a painful process, but well worthwhile, and since I'm not a pussy, I agreed. Well, to give you an idea of what it feels like, it's pretty much like someone coming up to you with a needle and jamming it into you in the same spot at different angles really quickly, over and over. To top it off, I was busting/bending up the needles because my leg was so tight and the muscle was grabbing on to the needle on the way out. Ooh, you could feel those ones. Very nice! I like!

The moral of the story, the top of this muscle band attaches up near the hip so he was needling my ass something fierce. And although I think my knee feels a bit better today, my ass is throbbing and its all I can think about. So while your sitting there reading this, eating your lunch or snack or whatever it may be, please think about my ass and the pounding pain I am in. Thank you.

Stewie

Monday, November 06, 2006

Canada vs. Russia - 1987 World Juniors

And who was at the center of it all? You guessed it Brad, Fleury.


The Biggest Hockey Fight - video powered by Metacafe

Black Monday

If this doesn't lift your spirits on Kill Saddam day, I don't know what will.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Saturday Sport Select Hockey RoundUp

Update: I went 6-12 in total (2-6 in 6 pick) again blowing my effort load and having nothing in return other than sweaty sheets.



Need a reason or help in betting Sport Select? Here is my breakdown of tonight's games. I like to bet spread on hockey because in Pro-Line, you have to pick pick ties (games that go to shootout) correctly. In Point Spread, you are only picking from two options, which team will cover the spread.

Today, I will be buying two tickets, one with the yellow 6 pick boxes which are my most confident bets (which will fetch 60$ off a 2$ bet) and the remaining games in which I was confident enough to pick a winner (the max you can do is 12 games which fetches $1000 on a 2$ bet).

Here is the breakdown:

Friday, November 03, 2006

I Wii, You Wii, We all Wii for... it



Borat For Beginners

"This may be the funniest, most subversive film
I have ever seen."
-- Michael Moore

"Not only one the funniest movies ever made, but also one of the smartest"
-- Scott Mantz, NBC



chit-chat blogs of myspaces! number 2

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Photo Of The Week


Jon
Originally uploaded by alex_ygd.

... then I just rammed her with my fingers!

JON, YOU'VE BEEN BLOGGED!

More photos of the hockey draft can be found on my flickr page, the link is now on the side-bar.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Exposing A Diver: Arjen Robben

You could write a book on this guy... or I guess make a movie would be more appropriate because it is kind of hard to describe a dive in writing. So what the hell am I doing?!



There is a serious lack of Robben's diving exploits out there on youtube, but trust me, there are many. He was in full flop at this year's world cup.

Don't get me wrong, extremely talented, but a barbie doll in stilleto's is stronger on her feet than he is... not that I would know how hard it is to stand a barbie doll in stilleto's... or that I even know what a stilleto is for that matter.

Opens Tomorrow Baby!



Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Mid Week Spread Action

UPDATE: Well don't I feel like a tool! If I would have listened to KD (Nashville tying/beating Edmonton), I would have won 60 bucks off a 2$ bet...

But at least I'm not last in the hockey pool! LOSER!
http://www.thehockeypool.com/cgiNew/DailyStatsPage.cgi?Pool=hello



Get your mind out of the gutter!

Here's my hockey spread 6-pick tonight. KD thinks that Nashville is a lock to tie Edmonton, but the Oilers ar 6-0 at home this year and Nahsville is playing their backup goalie Chris Mason and they played a tight game last night.

COL -0.5 CLB.....
CGY......DET -0.5
TOR......TB -0.5
STL......DAL -1.5
NSH......EDM -0.5
PIT -0.5 LA......

Won't You Take Me To Colbert Town?

Saskatche-what?

Monday, October 30, 2006

Stanford vs. Cal

A great commercial led me to this great college play. Keep an eye out for the one band geek who gets flattened in real clip. That'll teach him to streak the field.

Oh and PS, the Stanford QB who drove them down the field for, what was thought to be, the game winning field goal with 4 seconds left was none other than John Elway.

PPS, the kickoff was penalized 15 yards because of excessive celebration from the Stanford bench, oh the humanity!



Saturday, October 28, 2006

Saturday Sport Select Hockey RoundUp

Update: I went 3-11 in total (3-6 in 6 pick) which is very horrible considering the effort I put into my picks this week. Looks like it might be back to random next week. Stay tuned.



Need a reason or help in betting Sport Select? Here is my breakdown of tonight's games. I like to bet spread on hockey because in Pro-Line, you have to pick pick ties (games that go to shootout) correctly. In Point Spread, you are only picking from two options, which team will cover the spread.

Today, I will be buying two tickets, one with the yellow 6 pick boxes which are my most confident bets (which will fetch 60$ off a 2$ bet) and the remaining games in which I was confident enough to pick a winner (the max you can do is 12 games which fetches $1000 on a 2$ bet).

Here is the breakdown:

Friday, October 27, 2006

The Daily Show Rocks

Ever not wonder what the American Midterm elections are all about?

Yes, you don't!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Colbert It

NHL News And Notes

Pool Related:

From TSN...

Forward Todd Bertuzzi (back) did not practice on Tuesday or travel with the team for their road trip. He will continue to recieve treatment on his back and will not play against the Rangers, Devils and Islanders.
F#@%

Good news Jaysen, you may no longer have the pick of the draft if this comes through. From Sportsnet...
Yanic Perreault is getting closer to being the No. 2 centre for the Ottawa Senators.
Bad news Jon, you may soon have the pick of the draft. From The Score...
Continuing to shake things up, the Flyers assigned defenseman Nolan Baumgartner to the AHL's Philadelphia Phantoms on Tuesday.
--------------------------

In other news, TSN announced the Chevy Million Dollar Shootout yesterday. You get to shoot from center ice with 2 friends on an open net, depending on how many pucks you pot after a certain time limit, you win x amount of Chevy Silverado's. The million dollar shots come from the opposing blue line, same idea, pot 15 pucks out of 20 in 24 seconds for a million dollars.

http://www.gm.canadiannetstakes.com/GameLogin.aspx

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Exposing A Diver: Thierry Henry

From ESPN Soccernet...

'Fifty-eight per cent of the players who were treated on the pitch during the 2006 World Cup eventually turned out not to be injured,' confirmed FIFA in a statement.
Which leads me into today's Exposing A Diver. It was devastating for me to see this and the game turning goal it produced given that I am a French supported and Henry fan. However, this does not get you a free pass in the hallways of judgement, so Henry, you my friend are going to be forced to walk the desert.

Monday, October 23, 2006

1 Down, 9 More To Go

From Sportsnet...

Chicago Blackhawks centre Michal Handzus will miss rest of season with torn knee ligament, the team announced Sunday.
This is just great, we are like 3 weeks into the season and it is already turning into last year.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

What The Helms?



nOTHING

Curt?

Looks like Curt.... Sounds like Curt... But most importantly, LOOKS LIKE CURT!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Some Good Colbert Tidings

Worst .... Team.... Ever.....

If you saw the highlights, you knew this would be coming.

1 Nolan Down, 2 To Go



I think we officially have a pick of the draft!

From TSN ice chips...

The Flyers have waived Nolan Buamgartner
Congratulations to Jon (faggot nuts) for his stellar pick. At least he will still see 1 assist out of his hard work.

FYI, I fully realize he can be picked up off waivers or even return to the flyers later

Quiz Time Results

Congratulations to the one person (with hockey knowledge anyway) who visits my blog! The one response I received to the quiz below was a correct answer, with the exception of the Ana Jose thing, showing signs of either incompetensy or dislexia.

So congratulations to Kevlin, who along with the aformentioned qualities, is also apparently incapable of spelling his own name correctly. Well, I guess you can laugh at everyone else while you are enjoying your grand prize: 105 JAPANESE YEN! DING DING DING DING DING DING!

I assume by now that you realize that I can't pay you in Yen and I will convert to Canadian Dollars... or more precicesly, Dollar. That's right, you have won 1/4 of a beer. It will complement your swanky lifestyle and chic clothing perfectly! Congratulations!

disclaimer: all prize winnings can only be claimed by stating that the winnes "is a panzy bitch"

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Quiz Time

Update: Really? Really? Not even for 105 Japanest Yen nobody is even going to take a shot at it!? It's free to try, low in sugar, and recommended for children under 6. Does that just mean that nobody reads the blog? Because that is quite the eye opener. Tell me, what do I have to give away for free in order to illicit a response? TELL ME!

Let's have a quiz.

First person to post the answer wins 105 Japanese Yen: What is wrong with the following TSN Ice Chip Hockey insiders?
  • Flames/Blue Jackets Matchup: Calgary Flames injuries: D Rhett Warrener (knee), RW Darren McCarty (groin). Both are game-time decisions. Columbus injuries: D Francis Bouillon (knee), D Mathieu Dandenault (hamstring). - Calgary Herald
  • Anaheim: LW Mark Bell (groin) has missed the last three games but is expected to play and possibly return to the top line with Thornton and Jonathan Cheechoo. Evgeni Nabokov is expected to get the start in net. - Dallas Morning News

Monday, October 16, 2006

Midday Violence

Update: According to Sid Sixeiro of The Score, the football announcer was fired. What a shocker.

Here is some midday violence encouraged by Blair. In the football clip, take note of the guy in the booth, I'm assuming a former player, urging on the violence. I'm sure the producers loved that one.





So I Get A Call Last Week...

It's KD-asauras, "Alex, we are all so stupid!"

"What are you talking about" I reply.

"Who is the one player that we all forgot to pick?" he poses.

"Nieuwendyk? Brad picked him in like the third round, don't worry," I assure him.

"No, Evegni Malkin" he says, his voice trembling at the thought of this superstar going undrafted, realizing that he was hurt to start the season which may have catalyzed his omission.

"I drafted him in the 19th round, you idiot" I remind him.

"Oh."

I guess being present at the draft, having a webpage with full draft and current season results (sans Shean Donovan), and having Jon email the draft results (plus Shean Donovan) wasn't enough information for Kevin to determine this on his own.

Well, the purpose of this email is to puff out my chest and strut to the beat of Staying Alive:

From TSN...

Penguins centre Evgeni Malkin, out since injuring a shoulder in his first pre-season game, will make his NHL debut Wednesday night against New Jersey.

Something

Heather, I know you don't read this blog, and shame on you for it, but I am going to communicate this with you through the blog for the good of our marriage.

From CNN...

Vehicles account for a quarter of Canada's booming emissions of greenhouse gases, which most scientists say are a major cause of global warming.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Saskatchewan Population Sky-Rockets! ... For A Weekend

Here's some low quality pics from the Stones concerts over the weekend. Unfotunately, Mick wouldn't let me bring a camera to our intimate encounter afterwards.





Wednesday, October 11, 2006

No Work Today

Except capturing this entertaining sequence.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Two Similar Plays, Two Similar Results

Let's talk similarities and differences.

Both teams are clad in green.

One team was playing the best team in the league. The other was playing the worst team in the west.

Both teams have passionate/drunken fans.

Both teams need a touchdown to win.

One team has a blatant forward lateral on the play, the other team legally executes it.

Both teams are on their last down.

Both teams are willing to risk the possibility that someone on youtube puts the doo doo doodle doodoo doo doo doo doo circus music to this play, but sadly, noone does.

Both teams squandered late game leads.

Both teams were looking for respectability, but sadly tossed it behind them, over and over again.

Enough Rambling...



"Something needs to be done about it"

Jon Carter of ESPN puts forth this analysis (consequently the same day as I put out this post: Exposing A Diver: Didier Zokora, which was done without the analysis of the article below).

From ESPN Soccernet...

We've known for a long time that footballers are not averse to trying to con the referee. Nothing new there. But it's surely now a case of straws and camels, enough is enough. Something needs to be done about it.

While the most blatant divers in the Premiership are getting somewhat of a reputation, and are under close scrutiny, simulation persists. The problem it seems, is that there is no retrospective punishment available for cheats.

A diver can be punished on-field with the award of a yellow card and rightly so. But if the ruse pays off and the referee is conned into giving the decision, there is nothing that can be done.

...

If the same player is found to be constantly diving, as Didier Drogba was accused last season, then a longer ban, maybe a fine, should be introduced for 'bringing the game into disrepute'.

...

Perhaps a 'three-strikes' policy could be implemented across the board. Found guilty of diving three times and you get a three match ban. Found guilty of violent conduct three times and you're banned for three months. And so on.
I still think this is too lax. The Zokora incident might be the only time he is caught diving when it actually produced a significant outcome this season. I think even doing it once merits a fine/suspension.

And from a semi-amateur editorial, C-Dog avers...
After the recent fining of Joey Barton for public indecency and "bringing the game into disrepute" I am curious as to how you could possibly "disrepute" the game anymore. Obviously looking through Rybacks blog we can see something that I and probably alot of people would agree as disreputing (not sure if this is a word) the game. I am talking about diving, let's figure out the rationale of penalizing these acts.....

Nudity:

- Disrespecting your team
- Has no effect in anyway on the outcome of the game
- Most fan's enjoyed this display
Result
- Fined and reprimanded

Diving:

- Disrespescting the other team

- Has a profound effect on deciding important
games
- Most fan's want to kill the guy

Result

- Reprimanded in the press for a little while


Problem....I think so! I can understand why the players dive. They have so many reason's to dive and absolutley no reasons not to. We need to fine and suspend players as equally as we would if someone took drugs so that they will think twice before they dive. Thank you!!!
Whatever

MG

An amusing compilation from Matthew Good's Blog (http://matthewgood.org/):

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

L.O.S.E.R.

The L.O.S.E.R. (Life Of Sastisfaction Expectation Ratio) equation measures your need for a life coach as defined by Dmitri Martin on The Daily Show.

The equation is :
((age when moved out) x (age when lost virginity) + square root(net monthly income)) /
(number of cats you have + 1)

I think, however, that the equation would be better rearranged and more meaningful as:
(age when moved out) x (age when lost virginity) /
square root(net monthly income) - (number of cats you have)

My modified L.O.S.E.R. value is 6.2

What's yours?

Jon, Take Note

This may be the only shot that goes in for Ovechkin this year.

Eaves Majorized

Sorry Hockey Pool:

An important tip for poolies, Patrick Eaves is expected to skate on Ottawa's top line with Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley.
Double eat it, bitches.

Radulov Minorized

Hey C-dog:

(CP) -- Alexander Radulov, the Canadian major junior player of the year last season, was the last player cut by the Nashville Predators.

Radulov, 20, was assigned to the AHL farm team in Milwaukee just before the Tuesday afternoon league deadline to submit rosters of a maximum of 23 players.

The six-foot-one, 188-pound Russian scored 61 goals and assisted on 91 for 152 points in 62 regular-season games and led the Quebec Remparts to the Memorial Cup title last May.
Eat it, bitch.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Dark

Update: 46 and counting

The craze that's sweeping the cubicles. Current count (with googles help, not the answers) is 42.

http://us.mms.com/us/dark/

Adam Ferrera Discusses The... Fictions

Thank God I have a wife and not a girlfriend. So... huh huh... this does not apply to me.


Comedy Central Presents - Adam Ferrara - video powered by Metacafe

S For Sanders

This clip is nowhere near long enough to do justice to his running skill. I would venture to say that you don't see anyone near his skill playing the game today.

Exposing A Diver: Didier Zokora

Acclaimed Canadian Playwright and Author Tomson Highway said:

"before the healing can take place, the poison must first be exposed."
And as much as it pains me to have to do this to a member of my favorite club, it must be done.

I have read several commentaries on possible ways to deal with diving. The most recent being that of Harry Redknapp (who has a vested interest in this particular dive) to have video monitors on the touch line for the fourth official to review. While not altogether a bad idea, I think purists will have a hard time accepting this due to the disruption of the flow of the game and the difficulty balancing the power between referee and sideline official to make the decision. I don't think it would go over very well with the fans for there to be an NFL style review to penalty decisions while the theme song to jeopardy plays over the loudspeakers.

The idea I like, is to have the review done after the game. They could suspend or fine the player as heavily as they like. This would be a huge threat given that players most likely to be diving in the box are strikers, usually a valuable commodity when you only play two or one (like a lot of teams are these days). Not only that, but imagine the backlash the player would receive.

The media would be able to garner more attention of the public to the story of the suspension/fine. The opposing fans would taunt players who got caught. And even the home fans would be angered by the loss of a valuable player. The only winner is the game of footsoccer.

On to the flailing...

Sportsmanship

This kind of dispicable behaviour should be limited to the only time it is acceptable... with small pets.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Kiss My... Back

Classy dude, that Joey Barton

Hockey Lives Here

Updated: Zherdev signed a while ago, soooorrrryy!

Here is the link to the Hockey Pool for 2006/2007
http://www.thehockeypool.com/cgiNew/DailyStatsPage.cgi?Pool=hello

Early contenders for pick of the draft are:

C-Dog: Gionta - not yet signed
Mr. Reliable: Nieuendyk - will not score 25 goals this year
Faggot Nuts: Baumgartner - WTF?



In other hockey news, Sportsnet reports...

Despite his struggles and recent benchings, Jeff O'Neill won't be sent to the minors.
You're such a liar, Jaysen

PS, C-dog, it looks like Radulov will start the season with Norfolk of the AHL and Joe Corvoe has a broken foot. EAT IT!

Friday, September 29, 2006

Burger Down Resurrected

For the first time in years, a burger down was held today at mickey dee's.

Although the competition was limited to a 1.39 menu instead of the famous .69 hamburger, the spirit of the burger down was alive.

I started with 6 bacon cheeseburgers and a large coke. By the end of the 5th, I was done and couldn't finish my coke. And since the only offer I had to combine the coke and burger and drink it was a schooner of beer, I decided it wasn't worth puking this afternoon at work.

So, the final results were:
Alex - 5 bacon cheeseburgers
Mike - 2 double cheeseburgers, 2 junior mcchickens
Brad, C-dog, KD - Disqualified for ordering fries

The real winner is the prevailing feeling of imminent explosion in my stomach that will likely happen in 8-10 hours.

At least I have Ardy to keep my vomitous feeling company:

Shell Shocked

This is easile the most graphic turtle humping I have ever seen. The dude makes some awesome "O" faces at the end.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

con T.O. versy

I'm not one to judge, but T.O. is a nut case.

I figure it is all just a ruse in order to build up his stock for his autobiography.

But he wouldn't do something crazy like this just for money would he?



I love how TSN calls him flamboyant...

Flamboyant Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens denied a police report that he attempted suicide, saying he became groggy after mixing painkillers with supplements.

As if to prove he's doing fine, Owens went from the hospital to catching passes from quarterback Drew Bledsoe within two hours, then proclaimed himself "very capable of going out there and playing on Sunday" - despite whatever happened Tuesday night and a broken right hand.

Owens said Wednesday the confusion likely stemmed from an empty bottle of pain medication found by his publicist, who was with him at the time and called 911. He said the rest of the pills were in a drawer.

"I was non-responsive when she made that call," Owens said. "She made the call out of her judgment for my well-being."


Oilers Roll Along

5-1 in preseason, baby!

Ovechkin Fights Mike Richards

I caught this on the highlights the other night and loaded it onto youtube

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Ronaldinho Compilation

Get you daily footy fix


Ronaldinho The Movie - video powered by Metacafe

Just For Laughs Prank

This must really trip out all the stoners who are there to satisfy their munchies.


Freeze In Place - Prank - video powered by Metacafe

C-Dog's Top Seven Things He Wants Brad To Know

Soon to be appearing as a top 10, here is Kevin's rant on life.

  1. You are a little bitter about how phenomenally better I am then you. Dude you really need to get laid in a weird position soon so that you can live life like I do without hostility for other people.
  2. Second of all I am not using a slogan in the middle of my name I am using it after my god appointed nickname i.e: Coulman "????????"
    See there is nothing at the end of it so there for I am still remaining original from the sports hero's and lawyers.
  3. Third of all what the hell do you know about sports??? You don't even know what team Louis Saha, Rodolfo or Alan Hutton play for and you play the fucken sport.
  4. Fourth of all I hate you!!!!!
  5. Fifth of all telling someone to go jump of something high was so last year. Its stabbing yourself with something that's in i.e: Why don't you stab yourself with a pitchfork in the eye in front of a bunch of kindergarten kids.
  6. Sixth of all gayerific is not a word!
  7. Seventh of all you should go to your fuckin buddhist/Jewish/gayerific wedding we don't want you there anyway!
Well done Sir, I say Well done.

And may I say, I am a big Rodolfo fan, huge in fact.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

That's It Blair, Back To Loserpeg

After worrying about getting razzed by Blair all night last night and this morning, I finally re-checked the fantasy football pool in which we were competing against each other this week.

I had picked a plethora of Falcons, as you can see below, expecting them to blow away the Saints. Instead, I'm pretty sure someone on Atlanta's sideline or pressbox was relaying the offensive plays to the New Orleans defensive coordinators. Every pass Vick attempted was covered perfectly by the Saints.

So I sat there last night, cursing at the game, as I watched myself fall 2 points short of beating Blair... or so I thought.

There must have been a stats correction somewhere and I won by 0.4 points, BABY!