I am James Woods

First comes the golf, then comes the fame, then comes the sugar... Something like that.

I guess my golfing exploits are finally paying off and I've caught my big break. I mean, it was no easy task golfing a nice +18 on the first six holes at Greenbryre on Saturday to then go the next 7 holes at only +1 and all the while losing 9 golf balls. But my hard work playing mario golf at home paid off and the press finally gave me some attention on the par 3 17th Saturday evening. A photog for the SP was snapping for a story on how awesome I was at golf, or something, I wasn't really paying attention.

Anyway, the article can be found here:


You will clearly notice the ball's direct line of travel toward the pin in the photo. That, my friends, was no fluke. Let's omit the fact that I 3 putted for a double bogey from 12 feet shortly after.

And in similar folklore, probably what tipped the press to my prominence on the fairways was this pic, taken by Jamin's girlfriend Amanda, where I can be seen posterizing the featured 6th hole at Spiritwood GC. This is the hole where you tee off over a small lake. The average man would probably lay off on the fairway to the right of this long par 5, but clearly that was not an option for me. As you can see with sharp eyes, I have determinedly driven straight for the green.



Nevermind that I never saw that ball again, sometimes you need to lose your balls in order to prove you have balls to begin with. And sometimes when your balls get wet, you can use your stick to fish them out of the water before putting them in the hole. What I'm trying to say is that there are many sexual euphemisms in golf, which is never aided by golfing the 9 hole Heather at Moon Lake with drunkards... as it was for the Vecima Golf Tournament, or as it is known around here: The International Alex vs. Alex Day of Wreckoning.

A subsequent safe drive on this last hole above resulted in a decision to go for the green in a mortal two, which would have been successful had my ball not impaled the soggy ground 5 yards short of the green. The ball was completely burried below ground. Ryan, what's the ruling on that? Unplayable with drop? Because my first attempt at playing as it lied resulted in me digging it even deeper.

God I hate golf.