Uhhhhhmmm, yeah

Holy crap I almost feel guilty for enjoying most of this. Apparently this was a pilot for Wonder Showzen, which is something from MTV. More here.


http://view.break.com/528276 - Watch more free videos

Sneak Attack

poacher.

Big Lebowski Action Figures

I think the picture says it all.

I can't wait until Christmas.

Ask The Ref

I know strange things can happen on the pitch (2006 World Cup Final), so I am not going to suggest these questions are retarded. However, imagining them actually occurring is quite amusing and it is funny to think someone is actually wondering these things.

The BBC is running a feature where strange questions get asked to Keith Hackett, the Premier League referees' chief. You can view them here:

An interesting development has revealed that if either a mascot/fan/anyone else who isn't a player OR an object prevents the game ball from entering the goal, the ball is considered dead and there would be a drop ball from the point of interference.

Some of my favorites (my nicknames):
Pigeon Hold:
"What would happen if, for example, Jens Lehmann of Germany was being attacked by five pigeons while he was in goal and Phillipe Senderos decides to shoot from 50 yards for Switzerland and scores? Would this goal stand?"

Flying O:
"What would happen if 6 players were to make a circle formation around the ball and run with the ball into the opposing team's goal? Would the goal stand?"

Be-footed:
"Suppose that Holland are playing Spain in the semi-final, and Holland have a corner. The corner is swung in, and a goalmouth scramble follows in which Van Nistelrooy's foot is accidentally trodden on, and his boot almost comes off his foot. When the ball falls in front of him, he kicks his foot out and his boot flies off, hits the ball and knocks it into the goal.
Is it a goal? If not, do you caution him?"

HPV, Gus, and Heat

Watch me blog.

HPV
So Saskatchewan's Ministry of Health is going to offer HPV vaccinations for young girls in the fall. This will help prevent cervical cancer caused by HPV. The theory of why this is bad thing, although mystifying, is this: allowing these vaccinations is tantamount to condoning sex for young girls.

And while I don't think 11-12 year girls should be having sex at that age, I can't fathom why you would want to punish a child for doing so by chancing them with cancer. The "one strike, you're dead" rule is totally unnecessary, though it unfortunately often comes from religious quarters.

Besides, where's the outrage to Hepatitis B immunization or Tetanus shots? I don't see kids going "Yay! Now we can go out and safely shoot up drugs together while having rusty nail stabbing fights!"

GUS
Well, my prediction came true and Russia moved on to the quarterfinals by defeating Sweden. This was the first time they have moved on from the group stage of a major tournament since the Soviet Union disbanded. They even beat out England to just reach the tournament in qualifying.

And how did they go from rags to riches? Jedi Gus Hiddink. Russia's current manager has worked his magic yet again to advance another unlikely team into the knock out stages. He did it with Australia in the 2006 World Cup, sending Croatia and Japan packing before narrowly losing to Italy in extra time. And he was able to get South Korea's first win in 5 tournaments at the 2002 World Cup before marching them to the third place game.

I'm not sure he can match the Dutch in the quarters here though. Even Yoda lost a few battles.

Heat
So Matthew Good was last night and it was pretty rockin. The music was fantastic, though I don't know how into the show he was at first. I know crowd chatter has bothered him in the past and there was plenty of that during his opening sequence of Hospital Music songs. By the end when he was playing the classics, everyone was well into it though.

I give the Odeon a 1/5 for venue. It was ridiculously hot in there, to the point of almost not being able to breath. Matt Good's shirt was soaked straight through after less than half his set. And I couldn't hear one word he said while trying to engage the crowd, and we were right in front of the soundboard! On the plus side, I had no problems getting 6$ beers.

Cool Ant Attack

Don't worry, the gecko was dead.


Time Lapse of Ants Eating A Gecko - Watch more free videos

Hockey Pool Roundup

I wanted to make a summary of my performance in hockey pools this year, so I figured this would be a good way to do it.

Regular Season
1. Main Local Draft, 20 players each, snake style, points only
Cost: 20$
Result: 1st of 5
Winnings: +80$
2. Fantasy hockey, Sporting News, season 1 (1st half)
Cost: 0$
Result: 1st of 7
3. Fantasy hockey, Sporting News, season 2 (2nd half)
Cost: 0$
Result: 2nd of 9
4. Box Style draft, point/penalty minutes/goalies
Cost: 20$
Result: ~15 of ~60
Winnings: -20$

Playoffs
1. Box Style Draft, points/goalies
Cost: 10$
Result: 1st of 11
Winnings: +90
2. Snake Style Draft, points/goalies
Cost: 5$
Result: 2nd of 6
Winnings: -5$
3. Vecima playoff pick'em pool, 3 points to pick series winner, bonus 2 points for correct # games picked
Cost: 0$
Result 1st of 31
Winnings: 40$ gas card

Overall, not a shabby year to come up with some wins and winnings of 145$ plus the gas card.

Now to dominate my 1v1 Euro pick'em pool versus Brett.

What?

From Sportsnet...

The famous Hockey Night in Canada theme that has introduced thousands of great games over the years may not be heard again when the puck drops next season.

The agency that represents the song's composer said the CBC will no longer use the familiar hockey anthem.

Yeah, right, and Ron Maclean is going to broadcast for someone else too. Remember that one?

Word Up

From Sportsnet...

Toronto native Julian de Guzman has been named player of the year Deportivo la Coruna, his Spanish La Liga team.

De Guzman is the first Canadian to ever play in the top flight of the Spanish league, and helped Deportivo to a ninth-place finish in 2007/08.

I am now sorely disappointed that I didn't get a chance to see him play this year for Depor. I wasn't even sure he was figuring in matches until late in the year when I checked into some of the lineups. His contribution must have been significant in boosting Deportivo's standing in mid-season when they looked to be threatened by relegation.

I can't understate how huge this is. For a country our size, we have so little professional talent exported and to have our only player ever in La Liga to win a team MVP is huge. Who knows, it might even open people's eyes to the kind of talent that is available here. Of course, personal accolades aren't anything new for De Guzman, being MVP of last summer's Gold Cup.

I'm now very optimistic with where Team Canada can go with it's current players. De Rossario is always an MVP in my eyes and forward Rob Friend led his German second division team, Borussia Mönchengladbac, in goals after helping them get promoted back to the Bundesliga. I'm sure playing alongside German international Oliver Neuville didn't hurt either.

This leaves the national side with a pretty strong core up front. Of course, playing the Brazilians on Saturday will require a strong defensive core, but the real performance target is the upcoming World Cup qualifiers later in the summer. And I'm hoping for a really strong showing (read: drubbing) against Panama in next Wednesday's friendly.

The Canada-Brazil friendly can be seen tape delayed on Sportsnet on Sunday at 8 AM.

Screwed

So I made a rare venture out of my cube, and an even rarer venture out of my office area to swing by what should have been Brad's empty office. Yes, I said office, he is almost a God around here. They send him to Europe for vacations for Brad's sakes! (get it?)

Anyway, the reason for my trip was two fold, but the real motivation was I know Brad had cookies in his cube recently. A whole bag of them. Waiting to be pillaged. But I walked by just now and the door is closed. And yesterday there was someone in it! So, I'm worried that they have either replaced Brad with some sort of cyborg and now Brad is off to meet his death at the end of the world OR someone is just using his vacant office space. It's a real toss-up.

But screw Brad, really when you think about it, because what about my desire for cookies? I'm expending energy all over the place and I can't seem to catch up in calories or sleep. These cookies would have really kept me going and tied the room together.

That cyborg is dead!

Pro 6+5

From ESPN Soccernet...

Blatter's so-called '6+5' proposal - which would limit the number of foreign players to start any club match to five - has sparked a battle of ideologies in global soccer.

Opponents say it would be an unworkable regulation which contravenes the European Union's free movement of workers rules.

Blatter, however, insists foreign quotas are necessary to ensure the sport's growth and well-being and to prevent a handful of rich clubs dominating honours.

The mentality of soccer in Europe is survival of the fittest. I'm not sure the big clubs give a shit at all about the lower level clubs and their well being at all. This is why you see things like the G14 (14 of the biggest clubs in Europe banding together to make demands to EUFA).

Now, when a noble effort to not only improve the stock of domestic players (which I think the English National team would benefit from the most), but to hopefully improve the domestic competition and make it more of a title race for 1 of 20 (instead of 1 of 4), the big clubs seem intent to quash it in court. This rule would limit the scope of these big clubs' ability to cherry pick stars from wherever and would force them to do more building of domestic players.

Take Arsenal this year, for instance. The ONLY English player of note on that team was Theo Walcott, who wasn't even a starter. In fact, they have way more playing Frenchmen than Englishmen. So England's top players are more likely to be playing for lower quality teams due to this and likely missing out on a lot of European / top level competition.

And look at how the NHL has matured from opening up competition. It is healthier under the salary cap system. This was something done to improve the league, the teams, the game. Who benefited the most? Probably the owners, but no fan gives a shit about an owner other than his willingness to field a competitive team and prevent him from re-locating (re-Jetsing?). In my mind, I won the most. The salary cap will keep costs from exploding and keep it affordable to most fans. Which will keep people coming to the building every night. Which will keep advertisers pumping their money into there. Which will keep the team in the city and which will keep the team profitable and able to afford the occasional free market splash.

So, as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, expect to see more Derby's in English top flight. Expect to see very little change at the top, very little hope in the middle, and lots of scratching at the bottom.

Very little parity:
Premier League: same top four last 2 years (same top 2 positions)
La Liga: 2 changes in top four last 2 years (same champion)
Bundesliga: 1 change in top four last 2 years
Serie A: 2 changes in top four last 2 years (Juve was down the for one of these years, no change in top 2 teams)
Ligue 1: 2 changes in top four last 2 years (same champion last 7 years)
Evedivisie: 1 change in top 4 last 2 years (same top 2 positions)

In fact, of these European super leagues, on Germany has a new champion.

Sports Embarassment

http://ca.askmen.com/sports/fitness_top_ten_150/170_fitness_list.html

Speaking of own goals, of which we rehashed a few of these last night, here is a list of 10 of them. I'm not sure Escobar belongs so high based on hilarity, but definitely high in significance, being a World Cup own goal and his being murdered of course. Also, Philips is an instant classic that I didn't know ended up in being the Stanley Cup winning goal.

The one that I chuckled at was one that wasn't on this list, but should have been. It was an international hockey game in which Japan was playing Denmark. I believe it was a relegation game and this was the winning goal, for some reason, my google skills can't verify this at the moment. What makes it great is the Japanese player, Nobuhiro Sugawara, celebrates at first for a brief second before the realization sinks in.



Another candidate that would have been appropriate given the current playoffs would be Fleury's bank shot off his defenseman to lose the 2004 World Juniors vs USA.

best ever costume

Collection of Hockey Violence

Got to love this time of the year



How is this not a suspension?! All he got was a fine. The last time I checked, Chris Simon got 25 games for a similar baseball style chop. Unbelievable how star players are treated.

Tunneling

Who know that pucks could tunnel along with electrons?

One of Finland's goals in the world hockey championships yesterday which clearly did not enter the net properly.

How this goal was allowed to stand, I will never know.

Van Persie?

Awesome Nike soccer commercial.

Old School SNL sing song with Shaq

Don't know how this didn't make it on to one of Ferrell's Best Of DVD's.

Guitar Hero Keyboard version

Not quite as fun as the original.

One Word:

Genius

Sandler's Secret

Best Dance Song Ever.

Earth Day Message

Baby, I love you Kevin Nealon, I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean it.


F*ck the Earth Day - Watch more free videos

Kids in the Hall

...are back! (?)

Sweet mother Mary and Joseph the parents of Jesus. Let this be true and let them come to me.

AWESOME!

Mario music being played by remote control car and wine bottles


Mario Theme Played with RC Car and Bottles - Watch more free videos

Avery pretending to play hockey

UPDATE: From Colin Campbell: "An unsportsmanlike conduct minor penalty (Rule 75) will be interpreted and applied, effective immediately, to a situation when an offensive player positions himself facing the opposition goaltender and engages in actions such as waving his arms or stick in front of the goaltender's face, for the purpose of improperly interfering with and/or distracting the goaltender as opposed to positioning himself to try to make a play." THANK GOD

Sean Avery is a douche bag, plain and simple. I've never seen this before and even Brodeur said it was new to him. Sure, it is a great way to distract the goalie, but you know what else? So would painting your face neon green and pick your nose and eat it and pop balloons and spray yourself with mace in close proximity to the goalie. Where does it stop?

I hope if he does it again that he gets a 100 mile an hour slap shot square in the back of the neck.

Good thing I don't poop

Top 50 goals

If you have 22 minutes to spare and you don't think soccer is just a bunch of panty wearing surrender monkeys, the this video is for you. Questionable music though, to go with questionable ordering and questionable video quality and questionably absent free kick goals. Can't think of one (non free kick) goal that is missing though, other than maybe a De Rosario special.

GTA IV

It's getting sooo close, I can taste the saliva in my mouth.

Bendtner's save

Arsenal's Nik Bendtner basically saved a shot from Cesc Fabregas in last week's Champions League matchup with Liverpool. This could have been a likely game winner in a match that ended 1-1.

They don't show it in this clip, but the look on his face afterwards was priceless.

Youtube Stars on South Park

Not sure who the Tron guy or the chocolate rain guys are though.

Quake 3 on Ipod Touch

Damn girl, who needs a DS?

Onrait

Jay Onrait just did an imitation of Bob Cole doing the 2002 Olympic call of Joe Sakic's breakaway goal.

Hilarious.

Simmons on Kimmel

If this doesn't make your day, then you are a damned individual.

Oops

Soccer Player Better Have Good Hiding Place - Watch more free videos

Shining

Apparently this was popular, but I somehow missed it.

Muppet porn

Wow this is sick, but you have to watch it. Just watch it. I mean, oh my God, he didn't just ... SNAP! Holy mother of Jesus that is sick! Wait, wait wait ... OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Nasty!




















I don't know where this prank originated, or how it is even a prank, but I like it.

Headache time

I knew you had to be nuts to play tennis.

Zelda movie

This will be awful, but damn I want to see it.

GTA IV changes

Chris Rock has been recast at the voice of Niko Belic. Sounds like an improvement to me.

Just doing as told

I think Brad's title is more appropriate

What is this, a tabloid sports section? Who in the Sports department is camel toe hunting?

Classy.

Windows Explorer

Hope you are using firefox.

Jonah Hill is funny

Toskala pulls a Robinson

200 Foot Hockey Goal - Watch more free videos

Now, given that I posted a shutout last night, I don't have these problems. And although I hate the Leafs and I enjoy this happening to them, they did win the game last night and that was the only time in the game for the Islanders to celebrate. Plus, the Oilers' performance this season, which is on par with TO, doesn't exactly give me pointing and laughing rights too much.

Being a goalie, albeit in soccer, I can't enjoy this too much either because you can't look at these things and accuse the keeper of being awful. It happens to everyone. Specifically, Paul Robinson in Euro qualifying. It's just bad bounces.


Wrong Goal - Watch more free videos

What separates Toskala from Robinson, however, is that Robinson's gaffe *may* have been a backbreaker (though there were so many more along the way) for England in their hopes to get into Euro 2008 this summer. All Toskala did, was give a shitty team a meaningless goal in a game his own team won.

BUT, as another consideration:

Football Goalie Scores 80-yard Goal - Watch more free videos

...Robinson has scored... twice! And now the irony piles up as one goalkeeper makes another look stupid.

So no matter how you slice it, goaltending is a bitch, always will be.

Classy Chris Pronger

Did you know...

Pronger has been suspended 7 times in his career prior to this incident? Yet, his last two, dirty hits in last year's playoffs, were only suspensions of one game each.

Isn't there supposed to be a precedent being set by the league, specifically repeat offenders paying harsher penalties. I acknowledge Pronger may have never used his stick as a baseball bat in the past (don't count it out in the future though), but look at Christ Simon's 30 games for a leg stomp vs. Pronger's 8. Eight! Ocho! They even almost didn't suspend him at all! He won't miss any playoff games; it's like it has been planned that way. He gets back for the Ducks' last regular season game.

It makes me sick. And clearly it makes Simon sick too. He is absolutely right in saying:

"If you look at the (video) tape and look at his history, you can't say we're different, other than he's a star player and I'm not... I have nothing against the other players, I just want to be treated fairly, and in this case I don't think I have been."

This kind of reminds me of Briere getting hit from behind by Ovechkin last year. That made me sick too.

So now that Pronger has 8 (Eight!) previous suspensions in the NHL, does anyone know if there is a current player with more? Simon has 8 as well, but I can't imagine anyone else with more. Google couldn't help me on this one.

TSN's website put up a pole, and guess what? 84% of respondents think it should have been more.

And rather than accuse the league of being afraid of the wrath of Brian Burke, I'm going to do the respectable thing and just accuse Brian Burke of being a lump of turd, steaming away as he normally does.

Fuck the Ducks.

Could not have been worse

So, I read something in the paper a while ago and decided to confirm it:


So, this is apparently Spurs' greatest margin of victory in their existence. Awesome, we put up a great fight.

And while you are sitting there impressed that we scored a goal on one of the best soccer teams in the world at the time, unfortunately it came after halftime when the teams decided to switch keepers, so who knows how badly the Sask goalie fumbled it into Tottenham's net.

Best Fight Ever

nooooot

GTA IV

Zach Gala...is

So easy a child could do it

Here is a fun and clear diagram of how to get involved in being more environmentally friendly. It is an excellent illustration of how easy it is to get started.

Ashton Kucher look-a-like gets punked

Offside Celebration

This is so refreshing to see. Getafe punishes Real for being stupid and celebrating a disallowed goal. Somebodies forgot to be professionals. No big deal or anything, Barcelona went from 5 back to 2 back.

Jimmy Kimmel is....

Does it get any funnier than this?

Best Idea Ever

Treadmill Handstand Attempt - Watch more free videos

GT Prologue

Here is a screenshot from GT Prologue which shows an "in car" view. I've always thought it would be cool to play a game like this, where you could use your mirrors and get a better feel for what is around you and what the car is doing. This feature isn't available (as far as I can tell) in the demo though.

Birthday party soccer

Pokers Results

All-In Poker II - Feb 6th 2008

Here are the belated final results (name-# all ins-moneys spent-moneys won):
5. Ryan - 4 all ins - 15$
4. Alex - 5 all ins - 11$
3. Jesse - 4 all ins - 11$
2. Kevin D - 5 all ins - 9$ - won 13$
1. Adam - 8 all ins - 17$ - won 50$

Jonny K Poker - Feb 15th 2008

Final Results (name-moneys spent-moneys won):
7. Alex - 13$
6. Micheka - 13$
5. Jon - 19$
4. Kevin D - 11$
3. Ryan - 13$ - won 10$
2. Mel - 7$ - won 25$
1. Heather - 9$ - won 50$

Classic WF et al.

The who?

In this new recurring feature, I will live out my all too frequent rage of the mockery of sports that the Star Phoenix Sports Editors make. Some days, it is simple grammatical stuff, other days you get complete head shakers, like this:



In this photo, SPS (Star Phoenix Sports) could not correctly identify the Saskatoon based team (Accelerators, soccer). It claims that the Winnipeg Alliance player is on the top, which is incorrect. How does this even slip by? The photo took up most of the front page of the Sports section and you can clearly read the logo on the Accelerators player's shirt. SPS even had a reporter at this game to put into this day's Sports section. Maybe they just got the definitions of top and bottom mixed up.

Way to help a burgeoning league get off to a solid start.



In this mix up, they present an article on Mark Streit, the well-rounded Canadiens' player. He draws much praise CNS writer Pat Hickey, saying that his solid play makes him a shoo in for a big payday when he hits the free agent market this summer ("a versatile performer who has become one of the Canadiens' most valuable players"). So what does SPS do to point out Streit to the readers? They put a picture of Kovalev in with Streit's name underneath of course!

Lucky to still have legs

Imagine how badly broken Rob Schremp would be if in a (nother) 5-0 blowout of the Flames he started skating around with the puck stuck to the end of his stick playing keep away.

That my friends is the true difference between hockey and soccer.

Own Goalage

Kids, this is classic "what not to do in injury time in the 5th round of the FA Cup when you are a 2nd division team playing a Premier league team and during a corner kick the ball bounces to you while you are facing your own net."

Darren Carter, take it away:


The "what not to do" answer is of course: hammer it into the top of your own net.

Hell in a Handbasket...

is a stupid saying, but that is how I feel.

Once again, I have been overlooked by the narrowest of margins by not winning the Chevy shoot for a million. Some jerk from PA won it.

Now, the only thing standing between 35-year-old sawmill worker Darwin Head of Prince Albert, SK, and a cool million dollars is scoring 15 goals in 24 seconds, as he was named this year's participant in TSN's second annual, international award-winning million-dollar giveaway, the Chevrolet Malibu Million Dollar Shootout.

Anyway, I will once again mourn my overlooking on February 27th by drinking copious quantities of liquid regret as I watch a crappy hockey game with two teams I detest with a passion, Vancouver and Colorado.

Join me as I search for the meaning of life, because it certainly doesn't come from a hockey stick, 24 pucks, and 15 seconds.

GTA IV

(more) Drunk History

EPL (& NHL) Overseas

This is just getting stupid. However, these are the fundamentals of capitalism. The need to expand markets and increase profits are able to trump anything and anyone: governments, environment, health, and even sport fans.

Similar to the NHL, who also this past year was getting its freak on about expanding into Europe with more regular season games and possibly European NHL based teams in the future, English Premier League soccer is trying to capitalize on huge demand in other markets. Man U already go on an Asian exhibition tour every year and their following in huge in countries like China, not that there is many people over there or anything. Other EPL teams visit the US which has increased its appetite for soccer after over a decade now of successful domestically run soccer from the MLS and the success of its Women's team on the world stage. So why not chase the almighty dollar?

The NHL has been in a hurt for quite a while now (or at least the pundits make it seem) with lack of a big US TV contract (they gave NBC rights to broadcast for free I believe). The fanbase in the southern US is not very strong. Hockey is no longer a big 4 sport in the US, if it ever was, thanks to the increased profiles of golf, NASCAR, US College sports, etc. These types of "negatives" make people worried, but where is the immediate danger? I like hockey the way it is now, the former financially struggling teams are now more secure with the salary cap / revenue sharing. The last time something radical was done in the NHL, blue pucks and expansion to the beach, things didn't work out so well, did they?

What about exercising caution?

I've read about how the success of Major League Soccer in the US could be attributed by its slow and steady growth, not pushing to hard to drive the game down peoples throats or take unnecessary risks with the league. Some might view this as invalid now that the Beckham era has begun and teams are now paying big bucks for big players, as opposed to the extremely minimal salaries for domestic players. But the league is still in a good position and continues to build each year. New soccer specific stadiums are being built and expansion has capitalized on the strong footing of the league; Toronto already has trouble keeping up with demand for seats.

However, why can't this approach be taken for the NHL's current situation? Bide your time until you get that big US TV contract. Slowly slide teams north if there is demand (Nashville to Hamilton, Atlanta to Winnipeg, etc.). It doesn't makes sense to me how so many people in the hockey press can think taking the game overseas is a great idea. Players are bitchy about long trips across North America, how is going to Europe going to help? I mean, it's not like anyone attributed the road trip to England for LA or Anaheim's slow starts to the NHL season or anything. If I lived in an NHL city, I wouldn't be too excited about my team playing some of it's home games overseas for these exhibition games either. Shouldn't the game that is made for us be played for us?

At this point it becomes a circus, where people come out for the "big show" to go "ooooh" and "ahhh" and hope to catch a fight. Do they care about the teams and the results? Is it significant to many people in Prague? Will the players play like they would for their domestic fans?

This is where I would be really insulted if I were English and my domestic soccer league were moved elsewhere. Potentially crucial, championship determining games could be played somewhere else where there is no dedicated fan support or atmosphere for the players. All the fans that would normally travel to away games would have to watch on TV across the globe. The players would be playing for a largely apathetic crowd, booing players for diving all over the place and hoping only to see a rare goal.

So, I'm glad to see the press and the fans came down so hard on the idea of playing EPL games overseas. Keep the game for the fans who drive it. Why alienate the very people that ensure it's existence? The almighty dollar is the ultimate paradox. It giveth and it taketh away.

Phaneuf

So Coulman and I discussed this and we came to some conclusions. First of all, what is so amazing about this? So he can't hit the net worth shit, big deal. Then we thought about it again and started wondering why he was shooting from outside the blueline and even from his own blueline. Did the all star breakaway competition really inflate his ego that much? Or is he just too thick to realize he won't score from there. But then we figured it out. This isn't a freakish slap shot from a questionably heterosexual Flamer. This is the Saddledome arena staff putting defective glass behind the Minnesota net in order to make Dion Phaneuf (do doooo do do do) look like a demi-god. Which he is not.

Photo of the Time Period

What's awesome about this picture, other than Joel of course, is the camera flash reflecting off the coffee table and casting shadows from the table top items onto the wall.

Colbert v. Stewart v. O'Brien

Three of the funniest people in the whole New York get together to show that if the writers leave, there will always be three stooges type comedy around to keep Alex entertained.

Neurology Rules!

Great news from the CBC...

Men are more rewarded by video games than women on a neural level, which explains why they're more likely to become addicted to them, researchers at Stanford University claim ... Researchers saw activity in the brain's mesocorticolimbic centre, the region they said is typically associated with reward and addiction.

So you know what this means guys? We can just play away to our hearts content knowing that it is our physiology which prevents us from stopping. What can any wife or girlfriend say to that? "Um, you need to free yourself from your physical handicap"? Don't think so. Not that I think it's great to have a handicap or anything, I just want to exploit it, that's all.

I mean, you can even take it to the next level. If God didn't want me this way, then why did he make me like this?

This is like the time where I got Heather to admit that she has no long term or short term memory. Score! I just won every argument for the rest of our lives. "Oh, didn't I take the garbage out last night? Well if you had any sort of memory, maybe I could believe you. So sorry." And then you say "NOT" in your head afterwards, in an addictive fashion, then retreat to play more video games.

Furthermore...

The scientists also found that three brain structures — the nucleus accumbens, amygdala and orbitofrontal cortex —influenced each other more in men than in women, and the better that circuit was connected, the better the males did in the game.

So we are also better at video games. Maybe that isn't what's implied here, but I'm going to read it that way. So next time Heather beats me at a game of mario kart, it's just pure luck, like it was the 349837 times before that. Come to think of it, this would explain a lot about why she was asking me for help so often in Zelda Phantom Hourglass.

It's not sexism, it's just the way we are. I don't complain that my breasts aren't big enough.

Street Skills

If this isn't videoshopped (copyright TheBestNothing, 2008), then this is amazing and I don't know how these guys are not making tons of money doing half time shows. Maybe they are? It appears to be an ad for FIFA street 3.


Incredible Soccer Skills - Watch more free videos

Will Ferrell Super Bowl Commercials

Will Ferrell Bud Light Commercial - Watch more free videos

Jackie Moon - Bud Light

Sarah Silverman & Matt Damon

Berman gets upset

I love this guy, but is anyone in TV not a prima donna?


Chris Berman Loses His Cool - Watch more free videos

American History Drunk

These are ingenious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wax on

Dude, you never make them touch!


How to Get Rid of Annoying Co-Workers - Watch more free videos

f-bombs

This will give you insight into the minds of the animals from the documentary series Planet Earth.

Jesus vs. McCracken

Can you say "best movie never"?

Even though this was just a spoof, you know what? I'm going to make a stand here on behalf of the blogosphere and demand that this movie be made, dammit! Make me laugh!

All In Poker Results

After much fanfare and arm waving and hoo ha, we settled on the definition of an all in after I was pushed to the edge of a murderous rampage. It was all downhill from there.

Given that Kevin attempted several times in a row to give all his chips away after the cut off, he accidentally won each hand and went on to win. I'm thinking I should almost just withhold payment from that kind of blind luck and shenanigans.

In any case, here are the final results (name-# all ins-moneys spent-moneys won):
10. Brad - 4 all ins - 9$
9. Duncan - 2 all ins - 5$
8. Joel - 5 all ins - 11$
7. Heather - 2 all ins - 7$
6. Alex - 5 all ins - 17$
5. Blair - 4 all ins - 13$
4. Adam - 5 all ins - 9$
3. Coulman - 4 all ins - 15$ - won 10$
2. Joelle - 5 all ins - 9$ - won 30$
1. Kevin D - 8 all ins - 15$ - won 70$

By doing a little visual integration, you will notice the person with the most all-ins pre-cutoff won the game. He was also near the top for spending the most money. This seems to be a good incentive/stimulus to get money flowing in our poker games. Now if only I could count re-buys correctly...

Judd's crew

Why are comedians organizing into crews for movies nowadays. You've got your Judd Apatow crew and your Sandler crew and your Stiller/Wilson/Vaughn crew and your Broken Lizard crew and etc. It's like comedy orgies. Not that I'm against that. I would be in the Apatow crew myself though. I guess that's probably obvious, they're on top of the crew world right now, with Superbad and Knocked Up and stuff. Though Strange Wilderness looks awesome. It's even got a mixture of three crews. Can't wait.

Quote

"I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road."
-Stephen Hawking

How do you like your hummer now?

Basically, this is a "insert caption here" photo that I clipped out of the star phoenix.

...NO THAT DOESN'T COUNT AS SCRAPBOOKING, DAN!

What the hell good is a hummer if you are stuck in this situation? The snow isn't even half way up the wheels. Don't these things have 4WD?

Rick Nash

Amazing goal by Rick Nash. Rivals Toews' goal for the best of year..... so far.

Rock On Zumaya

I was just relating this story to someone recently and had to make sure it wasn't another one of Oleifr's drunken mysteries. It is the story of a MLB pitcher who was sidelined due to playing too much guitar hero.

And while that is amusing, I came across a top 5 list of the wussiest sports injuries, of which the one above is somehow absent.

Hairy man, sick fetish

This dude is giving a golden shower to himself in the mouth hole.


Monkey Needs A Drink - Watch more free videos

Chris Farley Classic

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Soccer goofs

Funny Football/soccer - The best free videos are right here

TO crying for Tony

Wow. This has got to be up there on the TO weird list, next to his "suicide" attempt. I'm starting to think TO was the one that went to Mexico with Tony and not Jessica Simpson. Maybe Jessica is just a ploy to cover up their homo erotic mantasy (copyright 2008, thebestnothing).

Conchords at CES

Love these guys.

Guy Goma

After hearing about this event being repeatedly talked about on Virgin Radio UK, I had to look it up. Turns out everything they say about it is true, its monstrously hilarious. I would even go so far as to say it is redunkulous.



It is a guy who was mistakenly put on air for an interview at the BBC. The details can be found on his wikipedia page. He thought he was there for a job interview, but instead he ended up taking the place of another man named Guy who was there to do the live TV interview. The best of it all is his reaction at the start when he figures out what is going on and that there has been some colossal mistake. The short delay before he realizes it is great. And then there is his attempt to go along with it that is hilarious too.

I don't normally like watching uncomfortable situations because it makes me uncomfortable too, but thankfully, all this guy had to survive was 30 seconds and he got away with it.

Jam Dunk

Kenny George, the 7'7 giant that I introduced below, gets dunked on by some average looking white guy, who now becomes a legend.

Amazing News!

Check this out:

http://imdb.com/title/tt0859635/

You knew it had to happen sooner or later.

Photo of the Time Period

I don't know why, but I have an insatiable craving for Wendy's.

Photoshop is fun.

Sixaxis gets drunk

I'm not sure who it was, but on New Year's Eve, one of the perps at my place tried to get my Sixaxis controller drunk by dousing it in alcohol. Not only was this irresponsible, but it was negligent and criminal. People need to take responsibility for their actions and behave more maturely.... And if I wasn't drunk past the point of remembering what happened that night, someone might be in serious shit.

The result of alcohol and sixaxis is headaches. First I thought it was going to just be a 60$ headache, until I realized that I have way too much education not to pry open the controller and clean it up. The result:



It's funny, because no matter how much you tell yourself to pay attention to the parts and pieces you are prying apart, there's always components that come from nowhere. Google was amazingly un-informative with putting the controller back together piece by piece. I had to scrounge together info from various sources to find out where everything went.

Anyway, The picture below show the amount of sappy goodness present on the edges of the button that caused severe stickiness.



And as for the perp... watch your back.

Riders On Fastest Three Minutes

Here's a homemade video of mine of the Rider's Grey Cup victory making EPSN Monday Night Football Halftime news. You can just tell Berman is a Rider fan. But really, who isn't? (oh wait, Blair drinks Schmidt's Gay, I mean Blue)



Schmidt's Gay SNL

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Not Fair

What would you do if you were 7 foot 7 and 360 pounds? Hell yeah, play basketball. Kelly George has size 23 shoes and he towers over other players. I don't even think the school he plays for is very high up in the college ladder of important teams. This guy only needs a 2 inch vertical to dunk. INSANE.

for comparison, Yao Ming is 7 foot 6 and 210 pounds. Maybe it's just that the other NBA players are also generally taller, but this guy seems like he's two feet taller than that.

Russian Superleague Brawl

Sid Sixeiro: "From Russia, without love"

Kobe: Best of 2007

TOO FUNNY

Stupid fucking donkeys. Just ask Heather.

Duke Nukem Forever

For a little history of the game (which by now is almost enough to write a book), see the following link:
click here

There have been many games I've been excited for in the past. Mortal Kombat II, notably. It was the type of game where you saw commercials on TV and were awed into a frenzy of excitement. We actually would tape them and watch it frame by frame. Duke Forever is one of these types of games for me. I hope it delivers because Duke 3d (and it's closely related cousin, Shadow Warrior) were maybe the most all around fun games I've ever played.

For those who don't know, a trailer was released recently with very little details of the game which can be watched below. The hope is that this is a sign the game could be released this year sometime.

Nothing like reveling in pre-pubescent fantasy land.

Drunk Goalie

This is something I can aspire to, being a poor goaltender myself. Might have to get pissed drunk beforehand though.