This kid is FUCKED! If you looked up high in the dictionary, this is what you would see. This is basically a documentary of 94% of the end of my drinking escapades. I can't tell you how many times I've noticed that I have two fingers.

Best Superbowl ads

For those not living stateside for the Grey Cup equivalent adverts. Best one I've seen actually was a Canadian one for Doritos which look like an 8 year old shot it in his Dad's office. It is the first one in the following glory list.

Because I have to...

Maryland surgeons remove donated kidney through vagina
news.yahoo.com — Surgeons removed a woman's kidney through her vagina so she could give it to her ailing niece, an unusual operation they hope will encourage others to donate because it reduces pain, scarring and recovery time.

Less painful eh?

Oh, actors....

Update- This clip has by now (24 hours later) been so over-played here in Australia that seeing it on this blog might be making some of you sick. I would just like to point out that I beat the Australian main-stream media to this clip by at least twelve hours. So suck on that, Australian main-stream media. Of course those of you in North America have probably had this rammed down your throats for like 3 years now. If so, my apologies. By way of making amends, I would like to offer you an amusing audio clip. Of Christian Bale. Yelling. Ah, screw it. It's still hilarious.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This clip is pretty nuts. It's audio of Christian Bale losin' his shit entirely on some dude while on the set for the new Terminator film. My little brother used to be universally known as Harry Spaz when he was little due to the legendary magnitude of his tantrums. This is what happens when Batman has a Harry Spaz style tanty. Listen to it here.

But I only wanna talk! I swear!

WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?!

awwwwwwww, zip commmon! bebop. urbmo. whipper snipper. phhhhhhhh. this is.. you've got to. no. no. this can't. ok, really? this is beyond.. let me.. fuck! I feel faint. seriously. someone get this man a doctor. this man over here (arm extended off into the distance with a lone finger pointing right back at me). whhhhhhhh. when? shit. but, but... fuck.

Keane heads to London for Tottenham medical

Isn't coming home supposed to feel good?

Ahh...there's no place like home. Unless you're a Liverpool fan. Because home is hovering somewhere around 4th place. Forever. No matter what.

Now, my apologies must go out in advance to a certain other long-suffering contributor to this wonderful repository of wit and wisdom. For most teams, 3rd (or even 4th for that matter) is nothing to scoff at...but Liverpool is not most teams. Liverpool is (still...somehow) the most successful British team of all time, both in the league (at least until Man U most-likely tie our record this year) AND in Europe (Five times baby. Hey Chelsea, how many European Cups have you got?....oh...).

Liverpool is no ordinary club. As the sign that the players pass under says:



Breathe it in bitches. This. Is. Anfield.

I wish I was born about 15 years earlier. Oh, to witness the splendor that once was the mighty Reds.

Instead...what do I get? The modern annual tradition. Yet another mid-season collapse. From first to third in two weeks, plus two (TWO!!) draws at home against Everton in one week! That alone is enough to put me in a corner sobbing.

I work with Wayne Rooney's uncle. And he is so blue, through and through, he once joked that he was glad Wayne was injured because he couldn't play in Man U's game against Everton. His own nephew! His sister's flesh and blood! Can you imagine what it's like to go to work and encounter that guy when they've even tied Liverpool? I swear, I don't like to hate Tim Cahill. He's an Australian hero: easily the best player we've got. Scored the tying and winning goals against Japan at the World Cup! It tears at my soul!!! But yes!! Liverpool matters more to me than Australia. And I now face Tim Cahill with anger.

What do I get for this loyalty? I'll tell you.

Allow me to set the scene:

For those who don't know (which I'll assume is everyone), I live in Melbourne, Australia. Well...Melbourne is going through it's worst heat wave in a hundred years. Yesterday was 43 degrees (yes, that's celcius, and yes, that's hotter than most people set their hot tubs) and today was 45. I do not have air conditioning in my house.

So...it's really, really, really, really, like, fill-a-bucket-with-my-ball-sweat, hot. And yes, this morning, Liverpool was playing Wigan in an attempt to re-establish some form (after three consecutive draws) and to stay within touch of Manchester United (whom we could tie on points but whom also retains a game in hand). Now... having to work today, I recorded the game and managed to avoid all news of results, planning to reward myself for a hard day of pretending to work by watching my beloved Liverpool maintain their first meaningfull title challenge in as long as I've enthusiastically cheered for them.

So.

Now it's late. The wife has gone to bed. I'm alone with an icy cool gin-and-tonic (or three) watching Liverpool march out to a deserved 1-0 first half lead. The pride is swelling. I'm thinking of our match against Chelsea this weekend and how we can kill off their chances, making it a two horse race between the old foes: Liverpool and Manchester United. We're into the last ten minutes. And what happens?

I'll tell you what happens.

We give up a penalty. Mido scores. Liverpool draws. A close 2nd place becomes a struggling 3rd place and Aston Villa have us squarely in their sights.

I have to agree with this article right here. Benitez has gone insane. I'm losing patience. Big time. Why he played Lucas before Alonso I'll never understand. Without Alonso against Everton in the league, we had no passing fluency whatsoever. We bring him back for the FA Cup and we pass Everton off the park, dominating every stat accept the score sheet (which might have something to do with the fact that Keane wasn't even on the bench. Honestly WTF?)

So what does Rafa do? Leaves Alonso on the bench again, Liverpool struggle to create anything that doesn't come from Benayoun's twinkling toes and Lucas gives up a game-blowing penatly. So...here we are. Fallen to third place. A single point above Aston Villa. And playing Chelsea this weekend.

Ahhh. There's no place like home.

You're kidding, right?

From ESPN Soccernet...

Liverpool's out of favour striker Robbie Keane has been offered an escape route by Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp.

So let me get this straight. Spurs sell a bunch of players during the failed Sergio Ramos experiment and when Redknapp takes the reigns, he buys them all back? First it was Jermaine Defoe, then Pascal Chimbonda, and now there's talk of Robbie Keane! Yes, the same Robbie Keane who has flubbed his way right off the bench of Liverpool (last week anyway).

I don't know what it is, but Spurs have been the most active team in the transfer market. They seem to be linked with a move for everyone. I assume this is due to bounty left over from the sales of Berbatov and Keane. It's kind of nice, but at the same time, I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't speak out against it due to the manner it is being carried out.

Harry Redknapp, Spurs' manager and transfer recipient himself last fall, has started lofting names out everywhere. He is accused of unsettling Craig Bellamy from West Ham, before he ultimately left for Man City, and who knows how many others. This is exactly what pissed me off about the transfer of Keane. As soon as Liverpool declared intent publicly, Keane was gone. What a stupid way to do business. And this happens constantly. Spurs' hypocrisy just lends credence to the fact that nothing will ever change.

I really feel for the mid/bottom-sized clubs in a transfer market. They are faced with being forced to sell their players (9 times out of ten it seems, Stewart Downing being the only notable exception recently) and though they are compensated with cash, if they go and find another star player and he performs, that player will just get poached next. Hence nothing really changes very much in the standings from one year to the next in European soccer.

It's sad.

Shameless Pulling Of Blog Material From Cracked- And You Love It

Good Lord. This is too frickin' gold. Almost all of them made me laugh out loud. Yes, I know this will probably be Dugg within an inch of its life, but I just had to share it with y'all right here. It is a list of foreign movie posters for classic big blockbusters. Just to give you a taste, this is a poster for the Steve McQueen classic Bullit. Enjoy it all right here.

Best CNN article ever

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/01/27/flight.of.the.conchords/index.html

Joker and the Curious Monkey

Someone get this man a wheelchair

Sheldon Souray eliminates Craig Weller (yeah, I don't know who he is either).

Props to GWB

Chewbacca Cabinet

John Madden Draws a Penis

Parrot banned from football ground for imitating referee's whistle

This is the story of a parrot who started mimicking the refs whistle and causing chaos.

But I have one question: who would let someone in to a soccer game with a caged parrot? Why would you want to bring a parrot? What the WTF?

If this was the lady's goal, ie. to cause havoc on the field, then why didn't she just bring a whistle and do it herself? Was it supposed to be a mascot? Good luck?

So many questions.

Money Can't Buy Me Love

Me! I'm worth 1 Gazzillion Dollars!

Oh Manchester City, how you entertain me. Or maybe I should thank Juventus. Demanding 100million pounds for Buffon? Genius.

Maybe Kaka turned them down because he found out that they tried to sign Villa, Silva, Henry and Buffon all before him. Or maybe his "god" forbade him from going. But really, who cares? At this rate, I'm expecting Blackburn to ask 1 Trillion Pounds for Santa Cruz. Why not, I say. Let the absurdity continue. For some reason I just enjoy watching Manchester City get screwed. I think it's all their hubris. Yeah...definately the hubris. Mmmmmmm, hubris.

Photo of the day

Hell, if all dogs shows were like this, I'd consider taking one in. Maybe they call this a monster dog show. Sunday Sunday Sunday!

Mamma Mia indeed.

Last night I (for some reason) agreed to watch Mamma Mia.

Three words:
Pierce. Brosnan. Singing.



I may never recover.

Admit it, you'll miss the good ol' boy.

As President-elect Obama nears becoming plain old President Obama, I think it's time to give a glance back at the wonders that were the two terms of George W. Bush. Here, I present to you, Bush: 8 Years in 8 Minutes



Ahhh...he may be the biggest f@*k-up in presidential history, but admit it, you want him at your next bbq.

The Dark Knight- NES Style, Boeeeeeeeeeey!

100 Million #'s for Kaka

Update: ESPN is now reporting that it is indeed a 500,000 pound a week contract offer to Kaka. So an update to the math goes like this: for a 5 year contract, Kaka would cost 46 million pounds a year (~83 Million $ CAD).

More insane.

---

The picture on The Score's Footy Blog pretty much sums it up. Man City are launching a brick shitting amount of money to try and land Kaka. But it looks like Kaka himself has poopoo'ed the move (oh God, I'm proud of that one), saying Jesus wants him to stay. Either that, or Italy's PM / AC owner Silvio Berlusconi would declare war on Brazil.

Despite the "facts" I state above, the truth is that 100,000,000 British Pounds have been offered for Kaka. This would smash the world record transfer fee of 48 Million Pounds paid by Real Madrid for Zidane in 2001. This is a tenth of a billion pounds. This is ~180 Million Canadian Dollars. And most of all, this is insane.

For those who don't know, this transfer fee just gets the player from one team to another. From my understanding of James Sharman's explanation, they then have to negotiate a contract with the player. Kaka's offer is being reported differently from what I've seen, either 250,000 or 500,000 pounds a week (I don't think the latter offer is correct because it is so ludicrous). If the assume the former fee, that would be 13 Million pounds a year for Kaka, or 23.4 Million CAD.

Now admittedly, baseball contract and even NBA contracts can be more ridiculous than this, but they don't come with a giant transfer fee paid up front. So if you average it out over 5 years (if that was the term of Kaka's contract), then Man City would effectively be paying 33 Million pounds a year, or about 60 Million Canadian Dollars, to land him.

Insane.

Gourcuff- Nice Stuff

Kiss My Asus!

UPDATE: Asus is in the red for the first time

Coincidence? I think not!

---

So the RMA request for the Asus Eee PC mini-laptop that I bought for our Australia/NZ trip has been replied to by Asus Customer "Care." If you'll notice in the picture below (which Asus attached to the email), there is damage to the LCD screen rendering the machine useless. What happened to it? I'll never know because I was sleeping as Heather used it during our last night in Auckland and then charged it overnight. The next morning this is what I woke up to:

There was no dropping or smashing or ramming or slamming, so I've been told. So I figured I would try getting it back into Asus' hands and maybe, just maybe, they would be like "our bad, we'll fix it for you." No, instead, they replied going "pay for this." Though this was kind of an expected scenario, given I was told in Melbourne what their policy is on LCD screens (namely: "you fucked up, pay us"), I was kind of hoping they would at least be courteous enough to tell me their policy and why I was being charged for it. Even an attempt at pretend sympathy would have been appreciated.

So the bottom line is, I have to spend another 23% on top of the price I paid for the machine to make it usable again. After I used it for a whole 10 days. After it decided to shit the bed on itself. And I don't even merit an explanation as to why.

Conclusion: I won't be buying from Asus anymore. They were my preferred motherboard manufacturer, but not anymore. I will likely, but very begrudgingly, pay them 115$ dollars (which they didn't mark as being in Canadian or US dollars) and hope to get more use out of this laptop to make it a worthwhile purchase and repair. But this has soured me so much that I recommend to spend your dollars or pounds or euros or rupees or mana elsewhere and declare that ASUS, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY ON NOTICE!

CFL ref unextraordinaire Jake Ireland comes off the board. But the reprieve will likely only last for the offseason before he starts to stick stuff in my craw again.

Man U 0 Derby County 1

What ... a ... cracka ...

Jokers, exposing a diver: Markstrom

UPDATE: YOUTUBE OFFICIALLY SUCKS. In the time it took me to write this post, all these videos got banned. I've tried to replace with whatever shit was left.

The ultimate joker/jackass, now that Avery is gone: Jarko Ruutu. How do you even play with a guy like this? He bites Buffalo brawler Andrew Peters, and lucky to escape alive.



And this, THIS! is not how you fight. This is like a baseball fight. Hilarious. Alex Semin (extra hilarious name) attempts to fight Mark Staal, by beating the back of his head.



And of course, how could any of us forget this gem. Tie your helmet up, son! You're a goalie for God's sakes. Jacob Markstrom tries to swim on the ice.

Mixed Bag

This website provides some insights on "Annoying Body Glitches," including hiccups. I was keen to see if my sure-fire cure was present. It is not. Which is kind of satisfying knowing that I am member of an elite, select few knowledge carriers. It's kind of a cult-ish feeling. A secret society whose sole rite is the vanquishing of hiccups with our mystical elixir. And though that might be overstating it a little, Peanut Butter is the true cure. As Stephen Colbert would say: Peanut Butter is the proven scientific cure for hiccups, one can assume. But it seems that this solution is not commonplace and I've rarely if ever found anyone with this knowledge. Props to Dylan and his family for discovering or sharing this with me, back in the proverbial "day."

As a side not, the one about random jerking (not that kind Kevin) before falling asleep has always been a source of amusement for me being that Heather falls asleep before I do. What I laugh at when she's sleeping can't hurt her.

--------------

I've been torrenting lately, and though I admit I have yet to perfect the art, Sasktel's high speed classic has been punishing me. Actually, it feels like Sasktel has been punishing me. Though they won't say that they have anything against torrenting, I suspect they are complacent with certain hardware deficiencies which help to make it difficult.

Their 2wire modem will grind to a halt because it's session tables / RAM get completely full due to too many established connections. I have already had them come in to add a new modem because the last one had other somewhat related issues. The new one hasn't solved anything wrt torrents though. Of course, Sasktel claims this is a hardware issue and there is nothing they can do about it. Oh, and despite one of their techs telling me that I can correct the modem from being brought to it's knees by power cycling it, I was told today that this won't really work. Thanks. So even if I remove power to my modem, it can somehow maintain knowledge of prior connections. I'd love to know how/why it does that. They recommended changing my torrent client's settings to restrict the number of connections. I'll see later today if this worked.

------------

re: Million Video Games Sellers Worldwide

As I have started up playing Duke Nukem 3d again with the new High Resolution texture package(AWESOME), I have pondered it's place in history. According to VGChartz.com, it didn't even sell a million units. This strikes me, no simile required. This is one of my favorite games of all time and a legendary PC game. Clearly PC games don't rate as well, which makes sense, but look at the other crap on there.

Nintendogs?!!! Number 7 selling video game of all time??!! What has this world come to. And there is 6 or 7 huge selling Pokemon games. I don't know anything about them, but I'm betting all they did was change the colour of the characters in the games and the title. "Pokemon Yellow, where do we go from here? Wait, I've got it! Pokemon Red/Mango Tree Fuchsia!" Oh, spoiled children and your fickle parents.

My niece received Nintendogs as a gift and she sat there playing with virtual dogs. Granted kids are hard to figure out and there are plenty of stupid video games, it's hard to not to stare with a blank look at a child telling her Nintendo DS to "sit!" Having said that, I give this to my children any day of the week before a real dog. Real dogs poop. I'm not making this up.

-------------------

In an act of self-punishment, I eagerly await Future Shop's availability of the ipod touch I'm looking for. Of course they are sold out and will be forever and I hate the place, but I have a 100$ gift card and it needs to get used. Damn it! Give me my toy!

XKCD funny

This site doesn't often make me laugh out loud, but it did this time.

Happy New Year!

Officially, I'm calling New Years day Hangover day from now on. So Happy Hangover day to everyone I guess. Hope you and yours have had a wonderful holiday season filled with cheer and an abundance of happiness stuffed full of family and friends all together in a turkey stuffing topped with love and an angel on top to christen this most cherished of times for everyone to enjoy in peace and reflection of the year that passed and the year that comes ahead which inspires optimism and wonder which is only surpassed by the awe of the gift of life itself now here within, so much about, and thusly.

Now that that crap is out of the way, let's all welcome a new contributor to this here great land of merriment and slackery:

We stayed in for New Years last night, which was probably a good thing because as I was sweeping off the front step, and we have a small step, by the time I was done the other side I started on was full of snow again. And the roads we shit holes. But it was great to see everyone out on the streets this morning powering up their big snowblowers to clear their three car driveways, burning up some fossil fuels and churning out some rpms; Augh, augh, augh (read: Tim Allen's Home Improvement sounds). Like seriously, I only saw one person shoveling, everyone else snowblowing (the guy shoveling was shoveling the street in front of his house, a practice I have never seen before and baffles my mind, but they are shoveling nazis so I'm not surprised). Is everyone that lazy? What's wrong with a little exercise and motor restraint? Having said that, someone has been taking what must be a giant snowblower or cat or something and blowing off the entire areas sidewalks. That is sweet.

Anyway, we all drank our pants off (quite literally in C-dog's case). We played Guitar Hero World Tour until 4 AM. We also played Settler's of Azerbaijan or something like that and everyone's favourite drinking game: black or red. And, AND, we revived the slap fight routine between Kevin and I. Always a crowd pleaser.

Later in the night, I was able to revive an old clayssic (sic) with some wifing. I think the picture speaks for itself. She just found out a few minutes ago that this was done to her:


But the highlight of the night was the World Junior victory against the states. And Gord Miller said it best, we may have witnessed one of the best games we've ever seen. All those years, literally since he was 13 or 14, of following Jon Tavaras is now proving worthwhile. The guy is going to set the record for most goals all time by a Canadian and maybe of any team and already has the most PP goals. He's going to go number one. You can take that to the bank.

I have to interrupt this to say that James Bond Quantum Solace sucked because my dim witted roomate thinks it was OK. I have two words for him: Fiddlesticks!

Anyway, this is on the front page of digg today and it completely echoes my sentiment that it was the save of the year with 3 hours left in it. Since we were all off the couch screaming we completely missed Pierre Maguire's reaction to it. I think the caption on the youtube page says it all:

Also, Pierre McGwire has an orgasm on air.

Oh Pierre. God bless you.

When Stevie G wants some Phil Collins, you better give him some Phil Collins

Ahh, the new year is upon us. As a Liverpool fan, 2008 had finished so nice that it was hard to imagine how 2009 could get any better. Leading the league at Christmas for the first time in 12 years, then closing out the year by flattening Newcastle away 5-1 while Cheslea dropped points against Fulham...The proverbial gauntlet had been well and truly thrown down to our would-be challengers. The red juggernaught was rolling- gaining momentum faster than a fat Ronaldo rolling down a hill (or a career...zing!).

a fat Ronaldo

What could possibly go wrong? Well...Steven Gerrard- Captain Fantastic, our talisman, the scowly-faced scouse legend himself- could, you know, decide to glass a DJ for not playing Phil Collins and promptly get arrested and charged with assault. Oh, you say. That old chestnut.

What in sweet jesus holy hell was Gerrard thinking? I can just imagine Rafa Benitez after receiving the call, his chubby little bottom lip all a-quiver, huddled under the shower, muttering "Phil Collins? But why?" to himself over and over again. He must be absolutely baffled that his captain, one of the most single-minded and committed footballers of his generation, a man so obsessed with winning the Premier League that he probably shits little mini prem trophies, could do something so retarded at all, let alone right now.

There is only one explanation.

The pressure of rescuing Liverpool from mediocrity for so long has finally broken the mighty Stevie G. With the prospect of fulfilling his boyhood dream finally staring him in the face (albeit from a long way away- he still has to squint to see it...maybe that's where all the wrinkles on his forehead come from) he's cracking up. He's having a nervous breakdown.

How else can you go from this:

to this in about 30 seconds:


Even more baffling maybe is how Liverpool as a club, Benitez himself, and the FA have all come out saying they will support Gerrard through this whole thing. Like he's the victim of a clever conspiracy to make him smash someone in the face with a glass. I mean, true...we don't really know what exactly happened yet. Maybe it wasn't him that did it. Everybody deserves a fair hearing. But maybe they should all just shut the fuck up. Seriously. Like wow, this must be a very trying time for him. Never mind the guy missing his teeth and with a new visage a-la Leatherface. If he did glass that guy, then...well...I've lost all respect for him. There. I said it.

At least until we win the title.

Confessions of a Cantakerous Mind

Random thoughts:
1. Get rid of the fucking penny for God's sake. Quit stalling, you know it's going to happen.
2. Oilers on a three game winning streak, in a playoff position prior to tonight's games with games in hand. Turn me on.
3. Claude Lemieux signed by the Ducks. Why is this not front page material? The guy is 43 and hasn't played in the NHL for five years. This is so far out of left field, it is officially in foul territory.
4. Going to get an Ipod touch. It will interfere with my special time with the Star Phoenix on the bus, but I'm sure I'll cope.
5. Can't wait for the Winter Classic at Wrigley on Hang Over day 2009. As long as there isn't interruptions to clean the ice every 2 minutes due to a snowstorm.
6. I need to make my left leg bigger.
7. Kings of Leon.
8. Torrenting brings my internet connection to its knees. Should get more bandwidth but really don't want to pay for it. Also want PVR but also don't want to pay.
9. All soccer is going all wrong. Spurs losing. Cristiano Ronaldo not scoring at will for my fantasy team. Though Edgar scored in another big fixture this year. Hope he breaks into Newcastle. Canada needs a quality centre back, at least one anyway.
10. Caught KD in our hockey pool tonight if things stay the way they are. Time to practice my sass.

MS Ctrl-C

Batman Bitch Slap

I know I've seen this before, but it is still hilarious.

Funnytacular

Ooooookay

The Hockey Song

I'm sorry, but 1940's sounding hockey theme music does not fit with TSN's hockey image. It doesn't even feel like the same song anymore. And cutting to commercial, they are sometimes using unrecognizable parts of the song anyway. It's just weird. Stop it. That's enough! I mean common.

And what's with splitting up McGuire and Gord Miller. They are like twins. And I know I'm one of the few, but I like Pierre and I thought he and Gord worked very well together. Now don't get me wrong, I've always loved Chris Cuthbert and Ferraro is great too. But why split up a good thing. It's like taking the iced out of the tea.

But no matter what, they are still head over heels better than god awful CBC. To go along with poor broadcasting production, I now have to listen to Mark Lee every Saturday. Really? REALLY?!! It was bad enough when it was just first round of the playoffs. Now I don't know what I'm going to do. I might break the mute button on the remote. And you pair him with Marc Crawford. He sounds like a pubescent teenager! It just makes me sick. They don't have the hockey song anymore, don't have much talent, Don Cherry's a douche, and it breaks my heart but Ron Maclean is starting to sound more and more like Cherry's mouthpiece every day. Where's the balls Ron? Sounds like a typical ref, letting the players call the shots and claiming he's the one whose really in charge.

But there are more optimistic things to think about tonight, Gobama.

I love Hockey

Awesome!

This pretty much sums up what I did this Halloween. No! I didn't carve this. But I did carve a pumpkin (see below) and watched AVP Requiem.

Funny Stuffs

The pool slide one made my night.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

I love Zach Galifianakis

See more Zach Galifianakis videos at Funny or Die

See more Zach Galifianakis videos at Funny or Die

Too Good Not To Share

Spurs come back late to tie at the Emirates.

Halloween

I believe it was Charles Dickens who said...
I will honor Halloween in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
Something like that anyway.

I won the pumpkin carving contest this year at work. A whole 3 submissions were made, one of them being an uncarved pumpkin (which took 3rd place and a prize).


I'm glad to see that my 3 hours of carving Wednesday night were rewarded. My fingers are still in pain after using substandard carving tools.

And how about THIS for a rip off. In our box of Hershey's chocolate bars, there was a package or Reese's Pieces which was sealed with no candy in it! I know! The CEO of Hershey's, David J. West (yeah, I looked it up), should be fired on the spot. Either that or he should come and hand fill my package with chocolate for me. Wait, that kind of sounded erotic. Either way, I'm sticking to it!

Hershey's, you are officially ON NOTICE!


Moving on...

I'm thinking if I do anything to dress up tonight, I'm going to cut some of my hair off and use double sided tape to tape it under my nose. That should give me a good pedophile moustache. I'll put pics up if that's the case.

380.10$ premature

I bet on sport select last weekend for the first time in a long time. My darling ticket was one with 3 NHL ties on it. So for 2$, I could have won 390.10$ if all games ended with "ties" (ties in the Sports Select world, because there are no ties anymore in hockey).

So as I sat in Crackers admiring drunk people singing karaoke, I glanced at the hockey scores. 1st game on ticket, shootout win (aka, "tie"). 2nd game, shootout win. 3rd game... Well, that's where I jumped the gun. Turns out I was just watching the scores for something beside the time indicator. The time indicator being "1st" for first period or "F" for finished games. But if there is a game that ends in overtime, then it is "F/OT" and for shootouts "F/SO." Now both these latter results are ties after regulation time, but in the sports select world, one is a tie and one isn't.

So because I jumped the gun and saw "F/OT" on that third game, I bought a round of drinks for everyone to share my joy. Naturally, it only took me a few minutes to realize my 390.10$ ticket was actually -28$ for the round of drinks I bought.

Thankfully, I won 10$ by going 10/12 on the spread on another hockey ticket which was like winning first prize in an ugly contest. Some consolation.

Bill Cosby is nutsby

Stamkos

update: Steve must read my blog because not 10 minutes after I wrote this, he got his first NHL point, a PP assist. What the hell is wrong with Sarnia?

---

It's official, right now, in Tampa's 8th game into the 2008-09 NHL season, quasi-starting goaltender Mike Smith has more points than supposed rookie starlet Steve Stamkos, with 1 assist. Stamkos being a current no. 2 centerman.

With Crosby, Ovechkin, Malkin, Kane, Toews all stepping in and doing big things like they were supposed to do in recent years, it would probably been a foregone conclusion that Stamkos would do the same. I wonder if Tampa is considering moving him back to junior since they haven't yet played the 9 games that would use up the first year of his entry level contract.

Shocking. Thanks for taking him early in our draft B-rad.

Blogging Plants

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7681966.stm

He devised a sensor which he attached to the plant named "Midori-san" that measures bio-electric signals. These are converted into data by a computer next (to) the plant and then translated into Japanese in the form of a blog.

Sounds like some Japanese student watched The Happening on acid and got tripped right the fuck out!

MacGruber!

Air Farce

Recently I traveled home from Toronto on Air Canada, aka, Air Farce. What a joke.

For the first time in my life, I was bumped from a plane. I didn't ever know why these kind of things happened. Turns out these things happen because you buy a ticket. Oops, stupid me. But because they sell too many tickets, sometimes you get fucked. Because when you don't check in early and get a seat assigned, you are flying by the seat of Air Canada's pants. It doesn't have to make sense.

You see, what they do is assign a certain number of seats for a flight. After that, you get put on a list. And then at the time of the flight, they go down the list (alpha-fucking-betically from what I can tell), and give people tickets. So if you're on one of these lists and your last name is Zzazzooz and everyone shows up, start looking for another flight.

The best part is when the ticket agent calls you over and explains that don't have a seat. The lady I talked to started with "Ok, here we go again." So think it doesn't happen very often? Oh, but "all the airlines do it." Sure thing. Do all the other airlines have problems on every flight I saw that day?

After being sent to the customer service desk, I waited in line for at least 15 minutes. The fucking line was so long that it blocked the hallway completely. It was probably 20 people deep. Clearly Air Canada doesn't overbook their customer service agents' shifts because there was only service from 2 and half people while I was there.

So I took my 200$ Air Canada voucher (aka garbage, as far as I'm concerned) and my 12$ meal ticket and went on my way. My agent told me it could have been worse because there was a Vancouver flight that day which was overbooked by over 30 people. 30 PEOPLE! Air Canada, setting new records in incompetence. And of course every meal in the airport is at least 12$ so the voucher doesn't get you very far.

After getting re-booked for a flight 3 hours later, the kind customer service agent said she was going to assign a seat for me because she didn't want to take the chance of me missing that flight too. Well thank you very fucking much! What a treat! You would think that would be automatic for someone you just inconvenienced for 3 hours with no free internet in the airport and you can't sit in this section of the restaurant because you ordered at the till and the fucking Colts game is going in and out of reception and they are sucking anyway so... fuck.

Of course when the next flight rolled around, I sat and watched a group of people go through the exact same thing that I did. Can you imagine how horrible it must be to be an Air Canada ticket agent? Having angry (would-be) passengers harassing you constantly trying to find out why they aren't getting onto the plane that they bought tickets for? The highlight came when a guy came on the plane at the last second and shortly thereafter the ticket agent came and said he had to get off the plane because the people whose seat he was taking had shown up late. Unsurprisingly, he was not all that happy about it. What a cock(pit) tease.

So, this was the first time in quite a while that I've flown Air Canada and their in-flight entertainment has improved, now that they have competent competition in WestJet. But unlike WestJet, all AC's programming is stored for on-demand. WestJet has a live bell TV feed, which was nice for watching Champions league soccer on my last trip to Toronto and sports highlights on the way out on this trip.

So without the opportunity to watch Sunday night football, I settled in to watch The Happening. But the way my night was going, I figured the movie system would crash halfway through. That would have been par for the course. But instead it worked fine. The problem with that though, was the The Happening was one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. I mean, instead of the crazy twist at the end like all other M. Night. Shamalamadingdong's movies, it is the most expected possible ending. What the fuck was that?! Now I was wishing the damn movie had crashed.

The one redeeming moment was that my checked bag made it to Saskatoon on the first flight and was sitting there waiting for me in Saskatoon to pick it up right away. Though I'm surprised it wasn't sent to Albuquerque.

Well Air Canada, you bumped the wrong man. I will televise the revolution and it will taste like purple gatorade. On your planes, I shall not fly. Air Canada, you are officially ON NOTICE!

Gerry Dee - Sports Reporter

Friday, TCU Place, 8:30.

Oh please let this continue

I think I should be Steve Macintyre for Halloween. This guy could scare the shit out of anyone.

Isn't it Ironic.. Don't you think?

Burn!

Lil' Bill

This kid is hilarious.


Little Bill O'Reilly Tells It Like It Is - Watch more free videos

oh, if you're not in the know...

Just More Proof that Pants are a Hazard

Long live "don't you hate pants"

Canada WC Qualifiing 2008 Stage III Match 4

Canadasoccer.com
Despite my attempts to smarten the CCA up about promoting the game in Canada in the past, they seem to dismiss the simple things to keep people happy. Their website, www.canadasoccer.com is again way behind the game. Along with not posting television broadcasting information, they do not even list the upcoming World Cup qualifying fixtures on the website. So if you, like me, are looking for day and time information about the game, you are going to have to look somewhere else. Things just aren't very obvious to them.

I did eventually find the information in less obvious portion of the website:
The match will be televised live on Sportsnet Pacific (18.30 PT) and Sportsnet West (19.30 MT).

Canada v. Honduras
Now that I know Canada plays in Hoduras on Saturday, let the praying begin. It would be awesome to have something to cheer for when Canada plays Mexico on Edmonton next Wednesday. They need to beat Honduras, no questions asked. There are problems with this however.

The two big stars of the team are out. De Guzman and de Rosasio are out due to and injury and a suspension respectively. To make matters worse, the heart of the defense, Adrian Serioux is also out. And to pile on to the steaming pile, Jim Brennan quit the team after a row with coach Mitchell, not that he had a big role to play in our game plan anyway, which seemed to be the heart of the issue. The cherry on top is that what would have been two useful players in midfield are also out on injury, Issey Nakajima-Farran and Daniel Imhof. So now we almost need a miracle.

I am pushing for sweeping changes in the center of defense. I was hoping for Richard Hastings to come out and David Edgar and Kevin McKenna dropped in place. But this won't happen because Edgar wasn't called up (dammit!). So much for my hope of a good mix of youth and experience. The timing would seem right for Edgar too, due to his recent inclusion in some of Newcastle's fixtures. McKenna, meanwhile, had been playing regularly for Cologne in the Bundesliga. So Hastings will likely be there to stay, though our depth chart lists a lot of possible defenders. Stalteri and Klukowski will likely be the unquestioned starters at fullback (though questions about Stalteri have admittedly been rampant in my mind for quite a while now).

This may be the most important game that Atiba Hutchinson plays for Canada ever. He is now the heart of the midfield. Speed on the wing will be provided by Radzinski, returns after his hand slicing incident in Montreal. Patrice Bernier is back after suspension, but I really don't like the idea of putting him back in, he was ineffective and hot-headed. Though, since we are so limited on midfield options, he will likely feature. The only other real option seems to be Marcel de Jong. Hope we don't need to make any subs in the midfield on Saturday.

After Gerba showing everyone once again what he is capable of, and Iain Hume too for that matter, he should be slotted up front with Rob Friend. I think Friend will benefit from having some help up front and be much more useful. With two big men up front, we can concentrate on using our speed down the wing from Radzinski and Hume to pump balls into the box. We need wins, so sitting back should no longer be an option.

As expected, Hirschfeld will be in net, that is the only confirmation thus far.

So, my desired lineup would be:
----------------Hirschfeld----------------
-Stalteri---Hastings--McKenna---Klukowski-
-----------------de Jong------------------
-Hume-----------Hutchinson------Radzinski-
------------Gerba-------Friend------------

Roster for 2 qualifiers (from www.canadasoccer.com)
CANADA
1 Lars Hirschfeld | G | Edmonton, AB | ROM / CFR Cluj
2 Chris Pozniak | D/M | Aurora, ON | SCO / Dundee F.C.
3 Mike Klukowski | D | Oshawa, ON | BEL / Club Brugge KV
4 Kevin McKenna | D | Calgary, AB | GER / 1. FC Köln
5 André Hainault | D | Hudson, QC | CZE / FK SIAD Most
6 Julian de Guzman | M | Scarborough, ON | ESP / Deportivo La Coruna
7 Paul Stalteri | D/M | Brampton, ON | ENG / Tottenham Hotspur
8 Kevin Harmse | D/M | Vancouver, BC | CAN / Toronto FC
9 Tomasz Radzinski | M/F | Toronto, ON | BEL / K. Lierse S.K.
10 Ali Gerba | F | Montréal, QC | ENG / Milton Keynes Dons FC
11 Richard Hastings | D | Vancouver, BC | SCO / Inverness CT
12 Dejan Jakovic | D | Etobicoke, ON | SRB / Red Star Belgrade
13 Atiba Hutchinson | M | Brampton, ON | DEN / F.C. København
14 Marcel de Jong | D/M | Newmarket, ON | NED / Roda JC
15 Patrice Bernier | M | Brossard, QC | DEN / FC Nordsjælland
16 Rob Friend | F | Kelowna, BC | GER / Borussia Mönchengladbach
17 Iain Hume | F | Brampton, ON | ENG / Barnsley FC
18 Joshua Wagenaar | G | Grimsby, ON | ENG / Yeovil Town FC
Dwayne De Rosario | M/F | Scarborough, ON | USA / Houston Dynamo
Adrian Serioux | D/M| Scarborough, ON | USA / FC Dallas

Flagrant Referee

MMM, donurgers

Is that a ... Oh Sweet Jesus!

It's not often I have anything interesting to write about, so I'll give it a try with the events of last night, which I hope never occur again.

Everyone has seen roadkill at some point on the highway, in various states of decomposition. I don't think about it too much and it doesn't really bother me. But last night, I got to witness roadkill which wasn't as much kill as it was just road. Heather and I pulled up to what I thought was a dead cat on the road. As I slowly approached it with my headlights pointed in its direction, it appeared more and more like a tattered garbage bag with some shit inside, blowing slightly in the wind.

Then I turned the car toward our street and gave one last glance back. I saw the bloody face of a cat and the associated puddle of blood oozing from it's head. The cat was actually twitching in agony. Just as I looked away, its one leg stuck straight in the air. I can only assume this is what they refer to as rigor mortis, which was a welcome sign knowing it was done suffering. However, without being sure, Heather and I went out to investigate.

I brought a shovel to scoop it out of the middle of the road and a ice chipper in case I needed to get violent and "finish him." It didn't seem like a desirable thing to do at all, but I thought I would be able to do it if I had to. That changed pretty quickly. Thank God that cat was dead, because it was disturbing enough just trying to get the cat onto the shovel to move it. The thought kept racing through my mind that it wasn't actually dead and when we touched it, it would freak out and start spraying blood from his eyes at us and start screaming nonsense at us in a robot alien voice.

Cats are animals and as such, they are stupid. They will not always obey the rules of traffic. I assume house cats who get out are worse than others. And given their ability to jump fences (is nimbly a word?), it would make sense that they are actually not permitted outdoors without a leash. From the City of Saskatoon:

Cats and dogs are not permitted to be at large (they must be on a leash when outside of the owner’s property).

Perhaps those who regularly don't abide by such rules generate enough apathy from others to not care when they run over someone's pet, so they leave it there in the street to die. Don't get me wrong, I find that completely unacceptable and though I'm sure it was an accident, all parties need to share the blame: the driver, the owner, and the cat. Obviously we know what the cat's repercussions were, but what about the driver? By not stopping and handling the situation, they have absolved themselves of their responsibility, which subsequently fell to Heather and I. It was either sheer laziness, malaise, or fear. And lastly, the owner. I didn't check to see if the cat was tagged, but assuming it was, it would seem appropriate for the owner to pay a fine. Obviously they were in dereliction of their pet duty (did someone say pet duty?) and should be punished as such. Maybe this is what happens in reality, I don't know. Ultimately, they were the ones who broke the rules which led to the accident.

Heather and I moved the cat to the side of the road so either the owner might find it and see the carnage or someone hungry enough could have a decent meal.

Hilarious Comics

Yep

This is art

What? That is art? Yep. See, real art is too deep for me. It requires thought and knowledge, neither of which are strong points for me. But comedy and sports, damn, I like that. So if I were ever to frame something and hang it in my house, this picture of a bat terrorizing people at a baseball game would be a choice selection.

Why? Because there are so many things to see and love:
-The guy who is sitting there and appears to be getting his face caved in by the bat without doing a thing to prevent it.
-The sheer terror on nearly everybody's faces.
-The guy who hasn't done nearly enough to shelter his 2 year old daughter, who herself appears to be the only one trying to catch it.
-The chick using a pizza box to protect herself (or is completely unaware anything is going on and is sliding pizza into her mouth).
-That chicks friend who doesn't seem to care and goes on eating her popcorn because that's just how hard she is.

Disgraceful

In another disgraceful decision by random variables, I have not been awarded this year's opportunity to kick for a million (dollars). In TSN, the CFL, and Wendy's annual competition, 4 people across Canada (2 East, 2 West) get to showdown for an opportunity to kick a 50 yard field goal for 1 Million $$$ in Toronto this Friday October 3.

And despite the hundreds of entries I have made, someone else from Saskatoon won. Can you believe it?! Hundreds of entries! It must be horrible luck for me not to get picked.

And now there is only one thing to do. Drink my sorrows while eating baconators. Yes, that's right. It's my bi-annual anger management party where I support the CFL by drinking Gibson's whiskey and eating Wendy's baconators. Then, in a state that will only be described to me later, I will yell at the likely overweight and overage man on the TV trying to kick field goals for prizes. Last year was a hoot with what I'm sure is now in divorce proceedings where a gentleman of the form I described earlier missed from 20,30,40,50 yards to win nothing. The look on his wife's face was priceless. And so was the Shadenfreude from this here viewer.

I don't know what's wrong with the world and why the cosmos has aligned against me. I could be a marketing dream out there kicking million dollar field goals and tempting teams to sign me. I could change my name to Wendy Milliondebotte (maybe Wendel would be better). I could get the red haired chick tattooed on my ass. I could celebrate field goals to make soccer players jealous. Regardless, this was just another opportunity missed.

So, friends, I invite you to join me in my now annual event that I affectionately term Gibsonators night. Kickoff is 5 PM for Toronto - BC to be followed immediately by Calgary vs. Saskatchewan.

Freakin Amazing Catch

I caught this on the TV at wings tonight and had no idea what it was about. Well I do now.

Picture Says It All

DeSean Jackson: Oops

What a great weekend for football fuck-ups. I mean the whole Ed Hoculi thing and even in that game b/w the Chargers and Broncos, they couldn't do an instant replay in the first half because the replay equipment wouldn't work. Hilarious.



And HAHAHAHAHHA, he's done it before!


some others: click here

Comedy Cavalcades

Rivers / Avery

A while ago, I made the cunning discovery that Sean Avery looks exactly like Brian Austin Green. Unfortunately, I was unable to piece together any other traits that tie them together.

But now I have a better match: Philip Rivers. Both he and Avery look exactly the same, have big mouths, are utter douche bags, and need to be slapped in the face/kicked in the neck more often. I can't stand either of these guys, though sadly I have to admit, both are pretty good athletes.

Avery:

Rivers:

A Great Idea: Feeding

Instead of saying "I'm going to have lunch", say "I'm going to feed." Or instead of "It's supper time", use "It's feeding time." It's just good etiquette.

What a great idea.

Postmortem Canada v Mexico

Well, that was not fun.

Truth be told, I was enjoying Canada's successful defending in the first half. They probably executed their game plan exactly how they would have wanted it. We probably all knew they would concede at some point, but there was a way back into it had we not slacked off on a corner kick to give Mexico the 2-nil lead. And it brings up a subtle point I forgot to make in my tips for improvement last night: defend well, defend smart.

I thought it would basically go without saying. But it seems Canada needs to be reminded. Specifically Paul Stalteri, whose lazy challenge on Rafa Marquez's near post header cost us any chance to salvage a point (not to mention the fact there wasn't anyone defending the near post). Which sadly has left me to make the following observation, Stalteri is costing us. Here is a guy who by all rights made me a Spurs fan when I started to really get into the EPL a few years ago. He was probably the highest profile Canadian in the world, having then just recently won the Bundesliga with Werder Bremen. Though his start with Spurs was bright, helping them to two 5th place finishes, he has now been dropped from Ramos' first team and is now rotting in the reserves. Whereas he was making crisp, dangerous passes through the Chelsea defense two years ago in the later stages of the FA cup, you would now be hard pressed to find where or if he is even playing at all, even with the reserves. I still love his passion and perhaps there is nobody better we could put in his position, but the lack of creativity and the defensive lapses are hurting big time. Eg. He and Serioux couldn't decide who would take the man with the ball in one of the Honduran goals in Montreal.

Which isn't to say there was a whole lot to be happy about at the back once we went down. Hastings can only knock it deep and Serioux is an expert and either giving away cheaply by overdribbling or just duffing a long pass that probably wasn't going anywhere anyway and leading to a dangerous counterattack. Klukowski though, played amazing. He is confident on the ball as ever and provided the only outlet of our last third of any quality. He was also defending very well, save for a few stupid challenges which gifted dangerous free kicks.

The refreshing thing was that the reffing was amazing. Mexico probably had more to complain than we did (Blanco's yellow should instead have gone to De Guzman for his early ankle buster). I wish we could have that quality of reffing in every game. His early yellow for a dive in the box probably set the tone for the Mexicans, who for the most part played with honesty and integrity. Of course, they didn't have to worry as much about getting the result as Jamaica or Honduras did in Canada.

One of the bright spots for me was the play of Nakajima-Farran. He was confident on the ball and had he been able to get further up the field, I think he would have been dangerous. I hope to see him in that position for the rest of the qualifiers.

Which brings us to a sobering reality. We are now desperate. I don't think we can continue this defensive posturing. We need to put Gerba AND Friend up front and hope the midfield can shut things down. Everybody saw how Friend was hopeless to corral any long balls sent his way. It is just asking too much. With two of them up there, we stand a way better chance. Plus, late in the game, our forward push was even unsettling the Mexicans to play lazy clearances which gifted us the ball back.

To make things even worse for the next match, we lose two huge parts of our team. De Rosario and Serioux will miss the next game against Honduras. This could be killer. Some combination of Stalteri/Brennan/McKenna/Hume are going to have to fill this void.

I think this was an improvement though. We played to a game plan well and we even found the score sheet under desperate circumstances (which was a beauty of a dead ball from Hume to Gerba). I think if we can just learn to avoid the hair-pulling offsides we had last night, we can start surprising people.

In the end, it turns out drinking beer while watching the game wasn't the solution to our problems. Damn, that is one sacrifice I am always willing to make.

Canada Mexico (part 1)

Canada plays away to Mexico tonight (7PM on Sportsnet). They look to gain at least a point to garner some sort of respectability and of course put some desperately needed points on the board. But let's face it, after an ugly game (Canada's quality, Honduran antics, pitch, refereeing, and coaching) on Saturday, how can anything really be expected in Mexico? I think the typical media forecast would be something like this:

"With Canada dropping points from their first two games on home soil, perhaps a visit to Mexico is exactly what they need. The pressure to play in front of their home fans and having to deal with being called the best team Canada has ever had assembled may have gotten to them in their opening games. So with only the soccer to concentrate on, they look to add points to their group standing."

I really hope Gerry and Craig are in a SN studio in Toronto too, so the team can rest assured that Craig isn't flipping out somewhere in the stadium.

As I said, the last game was ugly.

Here are some things we can do to improve:
-Stay calm. Don't make rash challenges, you know they are going to dive and roll and scream. Don't shove anyone either for the same reason. The last thing we need is cards.
-Don't expect the ref to help you out. Besides seeming biased, they appear to only call fouls which are accompanied by a dive / play acting. If you don't do these things, you probably won't get the call.
-Don't give the ball away in midfield (I'm looking at you De Guzman). We get really hurt by counter attacks because our defense can't react quick enough. We saw that twice on Saturday. So move the ball quick.
-Hit the net. We haven't had a lot of shooting chances lately, but we all know De Guzman and DeRo can hit it from a ways out. Give it a shot, but hit the freaking net.
-Good Crosses. We are strong up front, but we need to get the ball to Gerba/Friend's head first. Stop wasting chances.
-Act like a coach who knows what he's doing. Why the hell did Mitchell take out Gerba for Friend? When you need more offense, don't sub off your forwards. What the fuck!?

It's really hard to see anything positive coming from tonight's game, but I will always hope and cheer for the best. Here is the formation and personel I would like to see on the pitch tonight:

--------------Hirschfeld-------------
-Stalteri-Serioux-Hastings-Klukowski-
--------De Guzman--Hutchinson--------
---De Rosario----Hume------Brennan---
----------------Friend---------------

If I were to change this anywhere, it would probably in center of defense. I didn't think Hastings played well at all last game. My hope is that Hume pushing forward with speed will be a good complement to Friend's power and size. De Rosario and Brennan need to get balls in the box. De Guzman and Hutchinson need to concentrate on shutting Mexico down in the midfield. And most importantly, the defenders need to be organized as hell and not get caught ball watching / confused as to who is going to take the man with the ball / giving it away in our own end. If things get desperate late, sub Brennan and put Gerba up front. Then push Hutchinson out wide.

Here's hoping for the best.

This isn't a good sign

Gordon Freeman is apparently working on the LHC. And if you've played half-life, you'll know what hits the fan when a mega experiment goes wrong. Namely, shit.

So True

Sympathy

Wow, the Seahawks don't only look like the Riders anymore, they basically are the Riders.

money = respect

Giggs, from ESPN Soccernet...

'You just have to appreciate the money they have got,' Giggs told Key103. 'Signing Robinho is a big statement to football as a whole because he is a world-class player.

'With the amount of money they have got to spend, the next few years will be interesting and we will just have to wait and see what happens.'

It is sad how money is what earns you respect in the soccer world these days. I think it is because the big four in English soccer know nobody can compete with them without it. The rest are left to fight for scraps. There will be no surprise winner of the Premier League this year (unless you count Liverpool or Arsenal as surprises). There probably won't be a surprise winner of the EPL any year, unless said winner were to have the red carpet rolled out for them the way Man City was. This is the sad state of professional soccer.

The way the media is talking, you would think Man City is destined for success. But all they've done is acquire ONE player. I guess the expectation is that once the January transfer window opens up, there will be a flood of players coming in. So, if you're Steven Ireland or Darius Vassell or Dietmar Hamann, you must basically know you have 4 months left playing for the club. I, however, don't think much is going to change with Robinho arriving. They are already a decent team and they will continue performing above average. But by January, they will be out of the title race, along with most others.

It would be so refreshing to see someone pip the big four for the title and show the world that quality can be built and not just bought. Come on, you Spurs (and yes, I realize Spurs are for the most part a buyer).

http://engrishfunny.com