What does it Take?

I just got home from Maguires. Brad dropped me off where I, sadly after much too long, had to christen it with the first of many lawn fights of its life. Dank was attempting to beat me from behind on the car ride home, so he was the first lawn victim, despite his repeated attempts to pussy out by claiming that I was out of his weight class.

What is so amazing about this, other than the fact that Brad and I had a good time launching Danks sandals at his croth and declaring he was kicking himself in the groin while he was writhing in the ground in pain, was the fact that Heather was sleeping on the couch the whole time without waking. Dank even called out for her at one point in an attempt to gain some sort of mercy, and the FRONT WINDOWS ARE OPEN!

Heather slept through the lawn fight, through me unlocking the front door, through the house alarm going off, through me asking her what the hell she was watching, through me going to the bathroom and the toilet flushing.

So now comes the fun part... Live.

I am going to attempt a series of noises while writing this post to see what it takes to wake her. Keep in mind, she is in the same room, mere feet away from me, at the moment.

First Noise: Dog bark (there was already one barking outside)
Result: No dice, she didn't budge.



Second Noise: Sheep
Result: Zip



Third Noise: Rapist ("I'm going to get you, GRRRRR")
Result: Still nada



Fourth Noise: Seagull
Result: Amazingly Zilch! I can't believe this one, it was LOUD!



Fifth Noise: Singing "It's raining men"
Result: Is she playing me? It's not working.



Sixth Noise: This is the last one before we play the touching game. I am going to scream "BLOODY MURDER. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU". If she does not wake, she will be sorry.
Result: HOLY SHIT! SHE WOKE UP! I think she is pissed, she keeps asking "what is going on?" I respond with by laughing. She went to the bathroom and came back and said: "Hello crazy person."



Well, that about wraps it up.

Next time, we may need to try and play the "Sleeping Vern's Pizza Eating Game" again.

Here is what I was working with: