Annoy Me

Before settling on a HP dv9640 laptop, I went through the big Mac vs. Microsoft debate. I asked some Mac users to give me reasons to change over. One of the things that stood out in my head was that ease of use was a big feature, or to quote Porter: "everything just works."

Ultimately, price and Heather's benefit won out and I sit here with my Vista laptop. But I think I'm starting to understand the headaches I was being warned about with Microsoft. This hasn't been a consideration for quite a while, since all I've used is Vista on a desktop and everything is configured the way I like it (aka, working for the most part).

So here's my initial setup troubles:
-Microsoft Outlook from Office XP would not authenticate sending mail. Even Sasktel tech support couldn't help me out. But switch over to Vista's email client and presto, no issues. What a piss off.
-After initializing a home network from my XP desktop for the first time, it said that in order for the network to work correctly for file/printer sharing, I would have to install XP network drivers from the XP cd on my Vista laptop. Is there no suck thing as backwards compatibility?
-I don't know if Microsoft is completely at fault for this, but the windows media plugin for firefox had to be installed manually. Shouldn't this shit come bundled or Firefox be able to install on it's own? I just installed it for hell's sakes.

And just because it knew I was going to bitch about it, I think the laptop stalled on reboot and I sat at a black screen for about three minutes after I logged in. This seems kind of excessive for OS loading time. And can I have something other than blackness please? A flapping Windows flag? Anything?

These Windows boxes had better network easily, otherwise laptop frisbee will become a sport.

GC 07 CHAMPS BABY

This is more what I expected to see on 8th street after the game. I guess being so drunk you don't know how many hours after the game ended before you went there doesn't help, but this is totally not what it was like. Damn, I wanted to riot something fierce.

I looked for highlights of the game on youtube but there isn't any. I'll bet they are pulling them down, which just makes me want to shout bloody murder. Hightlights are available on the cfl website though.

Hilarious Japanese Ideas

check this out.

I guarantee it is worth it.

Halo theme in guitar hero

A combo of the biggest things in video games at the moment (or recent past anyway).

Does anyone know if you can make your own songs in guitar hero, or is this actually in the game?

Crazy assed field goal

Cleveland's Phil Dawson hits a last second second field goal that goes off the side bar and then bounced off the support and back out. Additionally, he also kicked the OT winner to once again prove Baltimore licks balls.

Sadness

It was Thursday when I remarked to Jaysen about the apparent lack of goals in the games last night and now my fears have been confirmed.

From sportsnet.ca...

Entering Thursday, there were 164 fewer goals scored than the same point two seasons ago (1,656-1,492) and 66 fewer than last season (1,558-1,492).

They are blaming defensive minded coaches adapting to the rule changes that opened up the game after the lockout. Here's my question? where the hell are the offensive minded coaches? Why do you never hear about them and why aren't anti-trapping systems talked about as much as extreme defensive systems like those used by Minnesota and others.

I ponder this as I watch a 0-0 Leafs/Sens game. I mean common! It should be 7-0 Sens by now. Shit, Tucker just scored. What a douche. Puck probably slid into the net under his body after he dived once again.

The Canadians of Oceania

Amazingly I have to give props to my bro for showing me these guys. They're growing on me faster than you can say "is he going to make an erection joke?"

Boyz

I love these dudes.

Charad

Kids, this is why your don't fight 6'9" monsters. Funny thing is, the punch that knocked Chara to his knees, amazingly, was when Koci received the devastating blow to his two pronged breathing device.

Toews

It's pronounced: Taves.

Amazing goal that had Gary Green on NHL network saying it might be the prettiest goal he had ever seen. This might be this guys Calder moment that can't be overlooked. He might not play another game all year and sill win it. The announcers in the clip are from Colorado and they don't attempt to hide their awe one bit. Delicious.

Hot Plants Parts

Experience how the plant world expresses how it wishes to feel the warmth of another and get it on like donkey kong.

Dude

so well done and so true.


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For the Cubers

I've never been this frustrated, but close.

Supersize Me

Check this out

To me, this is senseless. First of all, I would have expected Donalds to be first because... it's McDonald's for God's sake.

Second, A&W is a runaway leader? Man, that ad campaign with the fat bald guy must really be working.

I voted for Dairy Queen, but I can believe that they have slipped because they haven't come out with any hilarious commercials lately. Food always tastes better when there is a good commercial associated with it....

hence why I never, ever frequent Tim Whoretons.

Go Leafs Go

At least Sourray won't be anything laughable like these in the next four weeks.

Story of My Life

http://www.tuxick.net/pics/humor/art-of-survival.jpg

NHL dot com

Is anyone else annoyed by the new NHL.com game summary sheets? They are almost as bad as their new shift chart breakdowns that are about 20 pages long and you need to speak braille to read them.

Here's my problem. There is no longer goaltender information on these sheets. To find out who is playing (or played), you have to go to a separate page: Event Summary. It just doesn't make sense.

Also, things like shots on net are now broken up between the two teams in separate columns instead of being side by side. This makes it much less readable given all the other numbers and information that your eyes have to scan over in order to go from one column to the next.

McGuire wins Gemini

From tsn.ca...

TSN's esteemed NHL on TSN broadcasts won two trophies Monday night at the 22nd Annual Gemini Awards celebrating excellence in English Language television, including Pierre McGuire, who was named Best Game Analyst.

You know, a lot of people are going to fume about this, due to a vehement hatred of Pierre McGuire, but I just don't get it. If you ask me, I would rather listen to Pierre than anyone else I can think of at the moment. Sure he's a tad over-eccentric and he takes the side of the refs way too often, but at least he provides useful analysis (especially between the benches giving away what coaches are telling their players, shift lengths, arguments, etc.) and he makes it entertaining.

So to all you McGuire haters out there, kiss my Monster Performer.

ICDC

Any bets how long before Sasktel calls and says WTF? Do you think I could run my fridge? That would make up somewhat for how they're pissing me off about MAX.


Free Hidden Electricity! - The most amazing home videos are here

Random

I played net officially for the first time tonight in last nights scrimmage. And though I showered thoroughly this morning, my hands still reek of glove sweat. It has made beard scratches almost unbearable. Hell, I've almost had to stop picking my nose and eating it. Like that dude at the Leafs game on Saturday. What a lark that was.

Here's a great idea I came up with today: instead of calling it Lydia's, call it Clamydia's. I'm sure that is not very authentic, but it's new to me.

I don't know, it just sounds funny. Clamydia's. Yeah.

Colbert on Letterman

Can never get enough Colbert.

Don't know what to say about this one

Violence on Ice

Dammit. Who would have thunk, Jesse Boulerice.

I entered a hockey pool which had a bonus question to guess who would get the first 3+ game suspension for conduct in the regular season. I guessed Jarkko Ruutu because he's an idiot. But I guess given the Downie incident, a smart man might have figured out that the goon-assed Flyers are back and Boulerice would be a good bet. I mean, at least Simon sticked another fighter in the face, why is Boulerice cross checking Kesler? Because Kesler said he wanted to show the Flyers his worth. That doesn't even make sense. He should want to show the Canucks and their fans his worth. The Flyers obviously knew his worth or they wouldn't have tried to sign him to an offer sheet two years ago.

Jarkko Ruutu is still an idiot.

Boulerice:


Downie:


Ruutu is an idiot, dirty, and ....:


.... oh yeah, he's a diver too:

Brain Rot

intelligence-test.net/part1
intelligence-test.net/part2
intelligence-test.net/part3
intelligence-test.net/part_4

Here are my results without cheating:
1: 29/33 (Blair gave me one)
2: 10/24
3: 8/20 (saw the answer to one accidentally on the net)
4: 10/18

I don't know why, but I'm having an internal struggle deciding whether to go on the net and get the answers for the rest. I hate cheating, yet I want to know the answers soooo bad. I've had these tests open on my PC for the last few days and I will periodically go back and get a few. But now I have to reboot the computer because it is as slow as Coulman and I'm going to lose my progress. It's actually kind of rotting my brain, maybe I should just get it over with.

Alas.

Subliminal Messages RULE

I'm not sure what it is, but this commercial really appeals to me.

Block with the head, not advisable.

Given that he made 300 pound Travis Johnson fly, I don't think Trent Green is going to be OK. In fact, I think he is going to be very, very bad. Super bad. He's lucky to still have a head bad. Not the opposite of bad like in Michael Jackson's song bad. Batty song from Ferngully bad. Sexual performance debilitation bad. Eating through a straw bad. Forgot his gender bad. Hungover after drinking rye and ashtray bad. Having a moment with God bad.

You get the idea.

KidStreet

The combination of nostalgia and the awesomeness of this show makes me cry tears of delicious liquid cotton candy. If there's something I take away from my childhood, its the need to clap your hands above your head while you sit in a mini car. That and the udder disdain for small children who got to collect all those awesome prizes.

Watching this now, I realize how easy it would be to cheat at this game.

Exposing a Diver: Dida

Well, this is not your typical dive. AC Milan's goalie Dida gets slapped across the chest from a fan right after Celtic score the winning goal in last night's Champions League game in Glasgow. He was attended to by medical staff, stretchered off, had an icepack to his face, and was replaced by the backup keeper. The fan was given a lifetime ban for his actions, but what of Dida and his panties?

This is a funny

Peace in the middle east.

Halo for DS, NOT coming

Add this to the best games that never saw the light of day list. My guess is Microsoft, which owns Bungie, didn't want to license the game out to a Nintendo platform.

Here's more info.

Ace and Gary are back!

I'll bet that you might have known that Stephen Colbert is Ace from the Ambiguously Gay Duo. If you did... good for you, what do you want, some kind of medal?

Gerrard the goon

From ESPN Soccernet...

Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard was involved in a traffic collision which left a 10-year-old boy with a suspected broken leg, his spokesman said.

Afterward, it went on to say, Gerrard tore the meaty flesh from the child's arm and proceeded to beat him with it until the child proclaimed Gerrard a God walking amongst men. Good soccer player, but what gall he has, what terrible gall.

McSpeechless

I think everyone will be equally as outraged as Oleifr was on this topic and we can all commiserate together. Some won't believe it, others will break down and wonder what their lives have come to, shuddering at the fact that their worst fears have come to light and the abyss of a world in which they now inhabit has just been rendered into a useless, purgatoryry void.... Curt especially.

On Saturday night, at approximately 2 AM, Ryan and I and our viking keepers attempted to pay a friendly visit to Ronalds to quell the alcohol induced uneasiness brewing in our gut. This should not have been a big deal since they are open 24 hours a day, right?! No so! Not at the Attridge location anyway. They have signs saying they close at 9 PM now. 9 PM! From 24 hour delicious, healthy food at your convenience to 9 PM close. Travesty. Apparently they think a "labour shortage" should dictate their store hours. I don't care if I have to be served by monkeys, at 2 AM, I want burgers!

Maybe the daily show is right, maybe we need more Raffi Torres'. Maybe we need more bandwagon abandoners wandering back from Alberta. Maybe we need our economy to slow down just enough to not affect me but to keep Ronalds open.

I feel so... cold.



PS,

Setanta

The words Heather dreaded to hear:
"Introducing The Setanta International Sports Pak!"

Setanta has the rights to all the EPL and champions league and basically any other soccer (+rugby and AFL) you want to watch 24 hours a day. It's like my dream channel. TV heaven if you will. And Sasktel MAX now has it. However, it does have its issues:

1. 14.95$ a month.
2. I would never leave the house.
3. It's not HD.
4. Heather won't allow it (if she knew about it....)
5. Having to hear from everyone else that soccer is for sissies all the time.
6. I could probably settle for Sopcast/TVANTS, but I recently had problems connecting to an EPL game and I'm wondering if it is losing it's functionality. Plus the buffering and glitching issues are annoying.

It's tempting, but I think I just might have to see if I can get a free year long preview. I have my ways....

SNL Digital Short

I heart David

To be honest, I used to love David L. He was the cream of the crop of late night TV. Welcome back, Dave. I love you.



What's even funnier, is that he reminds me of mr. Lynch. I love you both.

KvS4ever

Even though I don't watch TV (except sports), Kenny vs. Spenny is one of my favorite shows. And now it has Trey Stone and Matt Parker backing it. I mean, how much funny can a show get? The office already pushes the envelope, but this just might cause gut busting.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070927/ap_en_tv/tv_kenny_vs_spenny

I love Wes Anderson

No seriously, I'm a big fan. Don't get the wrong idea of why I might be posting this.

Awesomeness

UPDATE: Hey Brent, maybe I'll just wait for the true HD version to come out before I pick it up: check this out.

Just wait it out, it's worth it.


Halo Takes Over The World - Watch more free videos

Baconated

Well, another year, another disappointment.

Wendy's has once again not chosen me to kick for a million dollars. Why? I'm not sure. I faithfully played the game and ate a baconator. What do I have to do? Eat baconators and drink Gibson's every day? Because I'll do it.

Anyway, I'm going to drown my sorrows on October 12th and watch the game in sorrow and disgust. Please join me and lament my bad luck. At least this year I can do it while watching 46inches of manhood at my house. That's right, HD was hooked up last night. Which brings me to another point.

Does anyone else have problems with Sasktel Max's digital optical audio out? I get a ~1/4 second audio drop where it just goes silent about every 20-40 seconds. It is extremely annoying and I noticed it this weekend at Jay's watching the (cough) Rider game. Google will lead the way. Otherwise, tech support is going to get it.

Almost hockey time

UPDATE: Souray winner against Flamers last night. Uhhhhh, me likey. Oh... My... God.... I just watched the highlights. That might have been the fastest point shot puck-to-net goal I've ever seen. And then there was Hemsky being Hemsky dangling the shit out of everyone. Go to tsn.ca now! Anyway, Oilers 5-1 so far. Schremp was sent down... again. Oh well, more room for Gagner, Brodziak, Cogliano.

OK, nobody seems to be excited about the Oilers, but I'm kind of optimistic this year. They have a batch of really good young guns who hopefully can crack the lineup. There's talk of Sam Gagner playing on the top line for God sakes! He's 18. That's Crosby territory. Probably won't happen, but Cogliano looks really good, as does Brodziak. And that's before you even get to puck wiz Schremp. If these guys can push things offensively, we should be OK given the defensive changes and strong presence in net. If the Oilers can pick another up a strong defensive defenseman, its Stanley Cup for sure.

Sneak Peaks:






Ahhh, remember this good times?

Important life changing info

UPDATE: I bought one online, thanks alot to... NOBODY!

Dudes, I did it, I got an HDTV and Surround Sound. It's now time to stop living and start lounging. I'll post pictures later.

I need a component XBOX video cable so that I can successfully play Scarface for XBOX with all of it's 720p glory. Except nobody sells these cables anymore! I guess I could pay 80$ for one online, but that's retarded. Hopefully someone is done with their XBOX and wants to give it to me?

Ok, fine, sell it to me?... cheap?

Taking the heat off Spurs

...for a while anyway.

From ESPN Soccernet...

The England striker missed two spot-kicks - one twice-taken - as the Toffees were held to a 1-1 UEFA Cup draw on Thursday by nine-man Metalist Kharkiv at Goodison Park.

I'm no expert on ... anything, but I do know that Andrew Johnson should probably be put into a potato sack (and he would fit, too) and rolled down the longest stairway on the planet. That might not be fair to single him out, but his miss resulted in the whole team and their fanbase looking like idiots to even have drawn in their dominant position. I'm pretty sure Rooney's uncle could have beat 9 men Meatalist Kharkiv. Where the hell were they even from? Do they get paid in goats milk?

This is just another example of Everton flaming out of Europe. It's like the red team in town got all the continental talent and none was left for the Tossers, I mean Toffees. They flamed out of the Champions League when they somehow qualified a few years ago and then subsequently flamed out of the UEFA Cup shortly after that. Good Riddance.

(PS, Spurs had the biggest offensive outburst yesterday in their crushing 6-1 victory, where are the videos on youtube?! Are EPL teams highlights getting yanked?)

Got Owens?

Would you believe that he would get fined for this? He didn't. So what if the rules state that you can't use the football as a prop. Kind of sad though, this guy is king of the football touchdown comedy show. Here he is poking fun at the whole Patriots spying/filming scandal.

Women's World Cup

North Korea's captain. No caption necessary.

Hockeyville

From nhl.com...
Thorburn was back as the former North Bay Centennial made his homecoming in an Atlanta Thrashers jersey for an exhibition game against the New York Islanders... North Bay, the winner of the Hockeyville contest, hosted the preseason game in front of a sold-out Memorial Gardens crowd that had the building rocking like the good old days, making for an atmosphere that was equal parts charming and electric.

So let me get this straight. North Bay wins a contest that declares it the town with "the greatest commitment to the game" and then they get the pleasure of watching the Islander and the Thrashers? I'm sorry, but the highlight of that game must have been those timbit toddlers playing during the first intermission. What kind of tripe is that? At least we got a Flames game tonight and we didn't have to win shit all. In fact, the Oilers played the Leafs tonight in Edmonton. Why couldn't they have got that game?

Could it be that it's because Leafs/Oilers sold out in Edmonton while North Bay could only accommodate 3,500 for a game that might have drawn 18 people in Atlanta or New York? Who knows? But I do know this, I would feel shafted if I lived in North Bay.

Can you say DeRo?

I sincerely apologize for the lack of quality highlights of this game on youtube, I really need to take this job into my own hands. But finally I found this treasure of a goal from my man, DeRo.



Related: http://thebestnothing.blogspot.com/2006/09/who-wants-more-dero.html

Oh, and by the way:

Christmas list

Dear Santa,

I was going to ask for a ghost, but I'll settle for a warthog instead.


Warthhog fun - Watch more free videos

REAL Halo 3 museum commercial

Apparently the last Halo 3 commercial I posted last week was a hoax. This one here makes much more sense.


Hilarious Trailer For Halo - Watch more free videos

RFC (request for comments)

Hey everyone.

I'm just going to put this on here. It's just the TV I've had in mind for the last long while. I'm putting it up here since there is a good deal on it along with a Pioneer home theater in a box (home theater in a box, girrrrrl) and futureshop has a big home theater sale on now. I'm in no way putting this up here because Heather requested this blog's URL because she was bored at work today and I'm trying to imply anything to her....

What do you think?


... backstage at the CMA's, it's a home theater in a box.

TCE

Has anyone ever seen this game? It is called True Combat: Elite and is apparently free and developed by a community of online developers. Looks pretty good considering the price.

Halo 3 commercial

Kind of cool, kind of going to piss some people off (veterans of real wars?).

IT HAPPENED!

After the weirdest poker game I have ever participated in, the Royal Sampler was finally got, accidentally. After I split a big pot with Heather which I didn't deserve to win, I got rivered in a hand that gave Kevin the royal sampler. However, I would have won that hand if the sampler didn't exist OR if that bastid Fauchoux wouldn't have noticed that the sampler showed up. Long story short, the Royal Sampler themed poker nights died last night, age 7.

Another oddity was the fact that we were 12 dollars short at the end of the night. WTF? I went over it like 5 times and it seemed like everyone paid up, but money somehow disappeared. Props to Brent for understanding and taking up the slack for the shortcoming. If someone did steal the money or didn't properly pay, just remember, God will smite you.

The final result are thus:
1. Brent
2. Nippon
3. Alex
4. Kevin
5. Jon
6. Brad
7. Kerry
8. Coulman
9. Ryan

I will post a picture of the hand that broke my spirit and chances of winning in a short while.

AHL Brawl

Normally this is enough entertainment in itself, but throw in Cam Ward getting his ass kicked, well, that just makes my day.

Sam Gagner

For my Oiler fan brethren. PS, he was the MVP of the Russia-Canada Super Series, not a big deal.

Genious

This song not only encapsulates fantasy life, but the life which is not fantasy as evidenced by the female chatter in the song (the end really tells the tale). And for some, the truth is all too real, hey Blair? Too bad you lost to Brad this week in fantasy football. Did you know I just taught him that WR didn't mean running back?

Anyway, I don't have that problem. I'm undefeated in my two leagues this year, and in my maiden voyage last year, I won the league. So when I listened to this song, what I was really hearing was "You suck at fantasy football"..... You.... Yeah, you. Especially Blair.


I Suck At Fantasy Football - Watch more free videos

Re-kick this

Well, they started to pull their heads out their ass for a brief second, but then decided to put it back in. Must be nice and warm in there. I read that the CFL issued a media statement that revealed an officiating call in the Banjo Bowl was made in error. Immediately, I thought: which one? But instead of there being any concrete revelation of wrongdoing, I got this:

In the game between the Winnipeg Blue Bombers and the Saskatchewan Roughriders played on Sunday, September 9, the referee conducted an instant replay review of a fourth quarter kickoff by Saskatchewan. It was ruled that the ball was knocked out of bounds simultaneously by players from Winnipeg and Saskatchewan and the ball was subsequently awarded to Winnipeg as the receiving team. It has been determined that the applicable rule was incorrectly applied and that this play should have resulted in a re-kick by Saskatchewan.

As I've said, the ball hit the Rider player's helmet. And besides, on a replay, how can you possibly determine simultaneous touching?!

Prototyping

With only limited selection of mid-sized watermelons available, I found it quite difficult to mount this melon over my... melon. Hopefully, when the real sculpting is needed, larger melons will be available. Not much to my design, just a hole with some forehead and ear room. Man watermelons are juicy though, I was able to rescue a whole glass of delicious juice. Fortunately, I was making a fruit salad at the same time, so not much wastage to report.

Without doing much digging, here is the only help I could find about watermelon helmet creation.

Here's my version. I included some additional photos of our summer experience.

I so have to try this

The Only Mario Level That Plays Itself - Watch more free videos

related and hilarious

Dear CFL

First, let's establish that, yes, I am a disgruntled Rider fan, yes, I am angry that they lost yesterday, yes, I am disappointed that I can count on two fingers how many times the defense pressured Kevin Glenn, yes, I am shocked at Kerry Joseph's performance, yes, I am dismayed at how easily the Bomber offense navigated an effortless running and passing game around one of the best defenses in the CFL (if not the best), and yes, I hate the Bombers with a passion.

Now that we have established that, I would like to move forward with my motion: either a full investigation into the refereeing of yesterday's game should be made or the CFL commissioner should step down. The atrocious game calling was either a result of incessant make-up calls stemming from the apparent Dominguez no-call from the Labour day game or the refs had made some rather large bets with bookies before or during the game.

Four incidents come to mind where either marginal rape or extreme rape occurred. A phantom offensive pass interference penalty that negated a large Rider gain (even Blair, a Bomber fan, was mystified), a 3 step catch and fumble called incomplete by Fantuz that negated a large Rider gain, a Bomber challenge that failed to produce conclusive evidence of the ball hitting the turf but still won to negate a large Rider gain, and finally, the most ridiculous reviewed play ever that negated the Rider retaining possession after an on-side kick.

The latter mentioned call involved Jake Ireland being able to determine through instant replay that a Rider player and Bomber player simultaneously touched the ball last before it went out of bounds. Wow, those replay cameras must be mega high definition. Horse shit. I mean, to overturn the call on the field, he would have had to be 100% certain that they both touched the ball at the same time. How could he have done this? He couldn't. And therefore, the play on the field should have stood. And why didn't the fact that the ball hit the Rider helmet, as could be seen by anyone who isn't clearly senile or bias, come into the final decision? Absolute horse shit.

You know, maybe we can learn something from European soccer here. Last month, a brutal refereeing decision was made by one Rob Stiles in awarding a penalty kick to Chelsea against Liverpool. Sure, this decision drastically determined the outcome of the game whereas the Riders would surely still have lost if the aforementioned call had been made correctly, but shouldn't principal matter? The principal is this: refs are accountable too. To whom? To the league, to the teams, to the fans. Rob Stiles was demoted and reprimanded for his mistake and understandably so. This works to ensure the highest level of performance, execution, decision making, etc. from the referees.

There will be no talk of Jake Ireland being reprimanded or questioned for his poor performance. That will only change once we demand it. So here I am, demanding it. Let the door hit him on the way out at least as hard as he slapped my and all other Rider fans across the face yesterday.

Internet People

These guys do a good job of capturing retarded internet phenomena, doo doo dododo.


Internet People - Watch more free videos

Bulging brain, broken mind

Far from trying to irk Liverpool fans, but forget this game and the result and take in the extra-turbo-exuberance of the analyst on the GolTV broadcast. I'm not sure who this guy is, but we used to have GolTV for a while and these guys would do La Liga coverage on Sunday afternoons. You would put the volume down where you thought it was comfortably low and then this douchebag would start whooping up a storm because Beckham made a cross or something.

This dude has to be a Liverpool fan.

A Great Idea: Herpes

On facebook, for your status, you could say: "Alex is - wishing herpes was cureable." Then everyone will think you have herpes and will be curious / frightened by your candor with your STD(I). But in reality, you don't have herpes, you just say that you are pro-herpes cure, what is wrong with that?!

I don't know, it just seems funny. Herpes. Yeah.

A Great Idea: Cap Locks

Instead of calling it "Caps Lock," call it "Cap Locks."

I don't know, it just kind of sounds cooler. Cap Locks. Yeah.

Sweet Carolina

Jimmy Kimmel's breakdown on why there shouldn't be beauty pageants that attempt to discover nugget's of knowledge in a brain the size of a chicken McNugget. (Also, there shouldn't be clothes. I'm just sayin' is all.)

I am James Woods

First comes the golf, then comes the fame, then comes the sugar... Something like that.

I guess my golfing exploits are finally paying off and I've caught my big break. I mean, it was no easy task golfing a nice +18 on the first six holes at Greenbryre on Saturday to then go the next 7 holes at only +1 and all the while losing 9 golf balls. But my hard work playing mario golf at home paid off and the press finally gave me some attention on the par 3 17th Saturday evening. A photog for the SP was snapping for a story on how awesome I was at golf, or something, I wasn't really paying attention.

Anyway, the article can be found here:


You will clearly notice the ball's direct line of travel toward the pin in the photo. That, my friends, was no fluke. Let's omit the fact that I 3 putted for a double bogey from 12 feet shortly after.

And in similar folklore, probably what tipped the press to my prominence on the fairways was this pic, taken by Jamin's girlfriend Amanda, where I can be seen posterizing the featured 6th hole at Spiritwood GC. This is the hole where you tee off over a small lake. The average man would probably lay off on the fairway to the right of this long par 5, but clearly that was not an option for me. As you can see with sharp eyes, I have determinedly driven straight for the green.



Nevermind that I never saw that ball again, sometimes you need to lose your balls in order to prove you have balls to begin with. And sometimes when your balls get wet, you can use your stick to fish them out of the water before putting them in the hole. What I'm trying to say is that there are many sexual euphemisms in golf, which is never aided by golfing the 9 hole Heather at Moon Lake with drunkards... as it was for the Vecima Golf Tournament, or as it is known around here: The International Alex vs. Alex Day of Wreckoning.

A subsequent safe drive on this last hole above resulted in a decision to go for the green in a mortal two, which would have been successful had my ball not impaled the soggy ground 5 yards short of the green. The ball was completely burried below ground. Ryan, what's the ruling on that? Unplayable with drop? Because my first attempt at playing as it lied resulted in me digging it even deeper.

God I hate golf.

Poor Miss South Carolina

This should cheer her up a little.

Ryan's videos

Ryan, here are the videos you have requested (The second one is me in a recent futsal match while I tested my new wig):


Phone Sex In An Elevator - Watch more free videos


Awesome Goal Kick - Watch more free videos

Footy Fantasy

Now I'm not one to brad, but holy shit am I ever awesome! My astute premiership game predicting skills put me into at tie for fourth place overall after the first week of The Score's footy fantasy league.

I have my eye on winning the weekly prize this week, which just happens to be a Liverpool jersey, not that I would wear it. I wonder who I could donate it to? Oh, I just don't know.

Poker

Poker.

My place.

Tonight.

9ish PM.

Let's get it on.

Heating up

Whoah, two posts in one day! Getting out of control!

I signed Stephen Colbert's cast, because I am cool and he likes me. You can do it too at www.colbertnation.com.

'Bout Time

So probably time for another post just to make sure I haven't abandoned this portal of uselessness. Here is a link to the top 100 sports beatdown's courtesy of ESPN:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=schoenfield/070823

It is a sportsman's article, check that, American sportsman's article. It's mostly baseball and college football, but some of the good ones, ie. hockey, (#92 baby) are also accompanied by video links: #65, #86, #61 (that's it, back to Winnipeg!), #32 (yeah, bitch).

And the one that is missing, very ominously, is one found in the comments:
"9 and 8 - Tiger Woods trouncing Stephen Ames in matchplay." I'm pretty sure Tiger told him on the first tee box: I'm going to make you my bitch.

TSN's broadcast schedule

Though this won't be the same as Pronger's first visit back, in fact, I'm not sure how I'm going to feel. Probably just sip a beer and cry. But for all those quasi-former-Smytty lovers, here is his first trip back to Edmonton (on TSN):

Tuesday, October 23 Colorado @ Edmonton 7:30pm MT

Mind the blocker

You would think that out of everyone, punters would be the ones to keep their heads up while running down the field. Either that, or just not run down the field at all. Just say "Fuck it" and run backwards. Because you know that everyone on the return team is looking for the punter lazily jogging down the field with his eyes gazing longingly at the ball. It's like, what football player wouldn't want to crank the skinny white guy? Similar to in real life, who wouldn't want to punt the small yappy dog?

But seriously, this was a helmet to helmet hit that should be suspended. Guy lost his head for heaven's sake.

So Long, Rat Face

The Brad Pitt of hockey has retired. His sexy greasy mullet will be missed by 1980's hockey fans everywhere. If ever there is a hair exhibit at the HHOF, Ricci will be there.

Poker Results

Royal Sampler take 5 failed yet again to reveal any samplers and the theme will be pushed back yet again.

Final results (thanks to my bad beat on Shannon's better straight) were:
1. Blair
2. Shannon
3. Moi
4. Duncan
Loser. Ryan

Participants needed. Apply within.

Mus-ac

White Stripes in S'toon

Why not play a 15 minute set at a Saskatoon Bowling alley?



Apparently I missed all this excitement while on vacation.

Child Tennis Phenom

from tsn.ca...

TORONTO (CP) - Frank Dancevic's impressive run at the Indianapolis Tennis Championships has vaulted the 22-year-old from Niagara Falls, Ont., into the top 100 on the ATP Tour.

Dancevic jumped 17 places to No. 92 after reaching the final Sunday. He lost 6-4, 7-5 to Russian Dmitry Tursunov, who moved up four places to No. 23.

Dancevic's career high in the ranking is No. 82, in October 1986.

Something doesn't seem right here.

HA!

Dude has an issue during his DUI arrest.


Itchy Nuts DUI - Watch more free videos

Mo' Money

Can someone explain this to me?

LATROBE, Pa. -- Pittsburgh Steelers star safety Troy Polamalu signed a four-year contract extension Monday worth $30.19 million that makes him the highest-paid player in team history and one of the NFL's top-paid defensive backs.

How is Polamalu the highest paid player in franchise history? His contract averages to 7.55$ million a year by my mathematical standards.

Now I'm no NFL specialist and indeed no NFL contract/bonus/guaranteed money specialist, but if what I just said is true, how do the Steelers do it? That means he's making more than Big Ben and Hines Ward and more than The Bus or Joey Porter or any Steeler ever has.

This doesn't make sense in my mind, for two reasons. One, Daniel Briere (6.5$ million on contract average) will be making almost as much money as the top Steeler will this year in Philidelphia. I'm definitely under the impression that NHL salaries shouldn't come near NFL salaries given the state of the two leagues in the US. And Two, I'm seeing new contracts, from veterans and rookies, coming out that eclipse Polamalu's "huge" contract and nobody seems to bat an eye.

For instance, today, Marc Bulger signed for 10.25$ million on average (which, admittedly, is the highest salary in Rams history) and Bucs' rookie Gaines Adams signed for 7.66$ million on average. However, ESPN does say that Bulger's contract puts him just shy of the elite quarterbacking salaries, meaning that salaries must not go much higher than his.

Anyway, I guess it is just a strange realization to me, not only that NFL salaries aren't higher, but that Polamalu's salary is the Steeler's highest ever. As well, that Jaromir Jagr signed a 11$ million/year contract for the Capitals at one point, which compares very closely with the top NFL salaries ever. And it seems from what I've seen, the average salary per player is very close in the NHL (1.46$ million for 2005-06) and NFL (1.4$ million in 2005). Of course, I have been averaging all of this over the term of the contract, though NFL contracts often have huge signing bonuses which give players a huge annual salary in the first year they sign it. To compare even more, Christiano Ronaldo is apparently making 120,000 pounds a week (~12.7$ million US / year), the highest contract in Man. U.'s history.

Come to think of it, maybe there is a few reasons for the NFL/NHL inequality equalities. I guess a NFL team payroll would be significantly higher given the number of players on the team and that they play significantly less games than a NHL team.

Another shocking discovery, kind of unrelated but very interesting, the CFL has the sixth largest average per game attendance of any sports league in the world. It eclipses La Liga and Serie A for God sakes! Also amazing, is that the NFL averages over 67,000 in attendance per game. HOLY HELL that is a huge crowd to average, almost double second place finishers: Bundesliga (really?) with ~37,000.

BIG NEWS!

This story made it onto the front page of the CBC news website, and how important that information is to the medical community everywhere.

http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2007/07/27/circumcision-sensation.html

Apparently, researchers at McGill say there is no difference between clipped and non-clipped as far as sensitivity or arousal goes. Who funded this research and what purpose will it serve? The only outcome I can see is that the dropping circumcision rates in Canada will now rebound as parents discover they don't need to worry about their dear male babies' plight growing up with a dud unit. Everyone rejoice! What a great day to be Jewish, I'm sure; I'm going to go get mine done right now. Think of the possibilities!

This is like an episode of Mythbusters except it is being done in an educational institution. I propose they next solve the mystery of why every other guy tells me his dong hangs to his feet, yet the average is so much less than that. I have a gut feeling they might be lying, but I'm not quite sure about it yet. Woe is me.

My Simpsons Character

Here's the Simpsons character I made of myself from the Simpsons movie wesite:
http://www.simpsonsmovie.com/main.html

It would be more entertaining if I were more oddly shaped and looking. No need to debate that last point, thanks.

Install Staals into a barred stall

Words are fun.

From tsn.ca...

Carolina Hurricanes' centre Eric Staal and younger brother, Pittsburgh Penguins' Jordan Staal, were among 14 people arrested in Cook County, Minnesota Monday after the elder Staal's bachelor party got out of hand. Both brothers were charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing the legal process, while Jordan was also charged with consumption of alcohol while under 21 years of age

Here's my question. Why in the hell would you go to Minnesota for your bachelor party? Is it because they heard such great things about the parties the Vikings players had there? Is the Mall of America really that cool? Did they piss away their contract money so soon and couldn't afford to go to Vegas? Why the hell didn't they just go to Winnepeg?

Well I guess it was hockey's turn for a player controversy, following Vick in NFL and Gary Player's assertion of steroids in golf. Maybe hockey players got jealous because NFL players are stealing all the hype and golfers are starting to become badder than they are. John Daly is already badder than most. So if that was their goal, congratulations to the Staal's for upping the ante and joining Rick Tocchet as hockey's recent black sheep.

Top Ten Vacation Highlights

10. Heather's Grandma didn't beat me at golf this time. The fact that we didn't play together on this trip is a moot point.
9. At Brewsters in Calgary, I spilled an entire glass of stout all over myself after ordering a 5 glass sampler platter. Thanks a lot for the suggestion, JON!
8. +35 degree weather in BC everyday.
7. My Grandpa got the family a hot tub in Clear Lake.
6. Curt and Jon stayed civil on the golf course, though they did get marshaled for driving their cart up to the green on a par three. The marshal asked if they were handicapped. HA! If he only knew. Time for an orange juice and coffee.
5. Free golf. Heather's grandparents own a course in BC and my Grandpa owns a mini golf course in Clear Lake. Hell yup!
4. We didn't total our car in Edmonton this time.
3. The cherries we picked from Heather's aunt's tree in BC were later discovered to have very noticeable worms inside, every single one of them. Thanks for picking through our food, Heather! WIDKWHM.
2. Heather and I and my two cousins decided to go Blair Witch on my sister and three other girl cousins who were tenting outside in Clear Lake. We snuck up in the dark just as they were about to get out of the tent for pee time. Luckily, we were all behind slender tree and all they could see was random body parts and they FREAKED! My one cousin said she was calling the cops and then called her Mom and told her to get my uncle to come out with a bat. Then the best part... my aunt had just got back from the UAE and had brought back this singing Arab alarm clock that was loud like hell and sounded like imminent jihad. I had it with me and turned it on and I'm pretty sure scarred those girls for life. Happy camping.

And finally...

1. Whilst tubing on Clear Lake at near supersonic speeds with Heather, just as I was being tossed from the tube, her bathing suit bottoms were pulled to here ankles. To my surprise, looking back at the tube, there was Heather's bare ass staring me in the face. Classic.

Ryan?

I can't count how many times I've been called Ryan. It's the only name that I get mistakenly called. Obviously it occurs most often by others who are not that familiar with me, sometimes not. I don't accept that it's because there are many other Ryans at work, because it started happening years before.

My theory is it has to do with my last name starting with Ry. I wouldn't think that would be enough, though, but what the hell do I know. Today it happened in an email after that person typed my correct name into the email address after correctly reading it in a previous email from someone else. They then said: "Hey Ryan..."

This is one of those things where, for years I say it's OK and I'm used to it (which I genuinely do), then one day, my eye starts twitching and I wet my pants and I take a bat to that humidifier in my cube. Eventually there is going to be one person who consistently just gets it wrong all the time (I've already had one of those) and I'm just going to snap.

That's going to be an entertaining day.

Oh, and by the way:

Gorilla Has A Blast - Watch more free videos

Oh Chubbs, we mourn thee

Happy Gilmore, only for real this time!

http://edition.cnn.com/2007/US/06/26/gator.attack.ap/index.html

Breath... Calm....

I was so upset and angry last night over the end of the Canada-US Gold Cup Semifinal that I paced around the house for a while then started vacuuming, cleaning my bedroom, and the cleaning the bathroom. Now you know someone is upset when they start cleaning the bathroom.

Gist of the story is this: Canada tied the game a the death on a LEGAL goal which was called back on a terrible offside call. The US defender put the ball back toward his goal line after a Canadian player chipped it in, at which point everyone was onside.

So there you have it, it is the first time I've ever seen a defending team put the offense offside. Well done side official. I hope you have your license revoked. The balance of that game was shifting heavily in favour of the Canadians only to have it snuffed out.

BULLSHIT!
(see around 6:30 mark)


On the bright side, I thought Iain Hume should have been playing the entire tournament, and here's why:

Band of Horses

Props to Jamin for highlighting these guys.

I love you, Triumph

This is a very nice clip.. FOR ME TO POOP ON!

As if this isn't funnier

Cup it

As if this isn't funny.


The Rolling Rock Foul Ball Commercial - Watch more free videos

Soccer Punch

Here's what I want to know. What the hell does 'Kampen er Slut" mean? It is up on the scoreboard at the end of this clip. Sounds dirty, whatever it is.

Anyway, Sweden gets the win despite the game being tied 3-3 late in this Euro qualifier after a fan attacks the referee and they abandon the game. Best part is (other than the slut thing) is that Denmark came back in the second half after being down 3-0. All that work for nothing. AND, get this, they have to play their next 4 home games behind closed doors. Who needs gate receipts and fans anyway?

Way to go, Bertuzzi fan.

Re-Halo

Another to satiate your lust for death and destruction

Strange Behaviour

My phone was really acting up this past Saturday. I guess (so I hear) that my phone started cutting out and frustrating nearly everyone. Then what my phone decided to do is truly extraordinary. It decided to golf itself and then engulf its brain in flames. Oh, Samsung A660, you really are a wacko among wackos. Anyway, the pictures tell you everything you need to know about taking care of your loved ones. Sometimes, they just don't know what they do to themselves without any non-sober extraneous interaction, that's for sure.

World Cup, here we come

OK, I might be jumping to conclusions a little too soon, but Costa Rica is definitely up there for quality sides in CONCACAF. Last night was Canada's opening game of the Gold Cup, which is a tournament for countries of North and Central America and the Caribbean (aka CONCACAF). And guess what, with a two goal come-back courtesy of Julian de Guzman, who plays in the top league in Spain (Primera) for Deportivo la Coruna, Canada won. I missed the game (and Cup final, thank God), but here are some of the highlights for Canada in the 2-1 victory:

NHL Free Agents 2007

List of potential free agents for the summer of 2007. July 1 is the day free agency begins. I've been keeping an eye out for this list for some time and here it is.

http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/feature/?fid=4965

Of note:
JS Giguere
Selanne
Tkachuk (useless)
S Kozlov
Briere
Drury
Hamrlik (my balls)
A Carter
Handzus (no knee)
Berard
Turgeon (useless)
Sydor
Lindros (useless)
Bertuzzi (goon)
Lang
Schneider
Hasek (79 years old)
Chelios (useless, 98 years old)
Sykora
Stumpel
Souray
Aebisher
Forsberg (broken)
Kariya
Gomez
Rafalski
Mogilny (broken, useless, no hip, 48 years old)
Yashin (bought out)
Smyth (sob)
Shanahan
Ricci (oh God)
Roenick (oh GOD!)
Roberts (useless)
Recchi
Guerin (useless)
Peca (loser)
Sopel
and of course, Ty Conklin:

Pay up, bitch

Coulman had the audacity to enter into a sports bet with me. Stupid, I know. He bet that Maria Sharapova wasn't playing in this years French Open tennis tournament.

Well, the results are in:
http://www.rolandgarros.com/en_FR/bios/ws/wtas961.html

I am now 2$ richer! Woohoo!

And I now want my gas money that I rounded down for you! You silly bitch.

Re-punk

I made Joel "ac' a foo" and he has re-punk'ed me in style. I wonder if "Go to hell Ryback" asked for a tax receipt.

Weekend Plans

Friday
7 PM 9 holes at Silverwood with Heather
Afterwards ?

Saturday
10 AM helping Brent at the Rent-it-store moving tables and chairs.
1 PM possibly golfing with Jamin at ?
6 PM watching the hockey game at ? and drinking beer
Afterwards, possible 2/3 Karma Goat reunion drinking extravaganza

Sunday
9 AM helping setup at Heel'n'Wheel Event and remaining there all day

Which reminds me: COME OUT TO THE HEEL'N'WHEEL EVENT ON SUNDAY. FESTIVITIES GET UNDER WAY AT 1 PM AND WALK STARTS AT 2. COME OUT EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T FUNDRAISED ANYTHING. AND LASTLY, PLEDGE ME MONEY TO SUPPORT A GOOD CAUSE:
https://secure.ccfcfindthecure.ca...